At the desk opposite mine

[NickM]

"Of course, the house is a tip. <sniff> On Saturday I had to go over to Mum's and do her shopping and sort her out, <sniff> and of course she lives over the other side of Heathrow..."

"Then I had to go and collect Lucy from <sniff> Croydon and get her blinds..."

"I did manage to get some ironing done Saturday night, but I was too tired to put it away <sniff>..."

"You know how it is when you're married to a floor-layer, your own floor is always the last to get done..."

FFS, why does the woman think anybody gives a shoot? And why does she sniff all the bloody time? Either issue me with a gun or take my brain out and stomp on it, will you?

 

[NickM]

And another thing. She's signed up with Weight Watchers, because she thinks she's too fat (well, that's one thing she's right about).

If she wants to be thinner, why does she continue to stick food into her face at half-hourly intervals? She's feeding on pasta out of a Tupperware box even as I type.

In fact, why do people like this exist? What is the point of them?

 

[Aperitif]

Vent boy, vent...breathe deep...relax. I know this situation only too well.

 

[NickM]

It's all right. I've managed to teeter back from the brink of the abyss of despair. And I've got the afternoon off today, to go shopping for bits for my Kingcycle

But thank you for your concern.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

the tit of a proof reader that sits opposite me is not speaking to me since i spotted that he'd let a misspelling of siena (as in tuscan city) go in three times before i spotted it.

thinks he's the font of all knowledge and i've proved otherwise, so it must be my fault then

 

[laurence]

i can see pigeons from my window

 

[GaryA]

Quite often i find myself walking alone, unnoticed, among the hoards of Aliens on the planet Zog..and the older i get the more zoggites there seem to be

They are taking over, they are running amock, they are destroying everything i hold dear... i do not want to live on the planet they are busy terraforming into their version of Zog heaven

 

[NickM]

i can see pigeons from my window

I can see bins from mine.

 

[NickM]

Quite often i find myself walking alone, unnoticed, among the hoards of Aliens on the planet Zog..and the older i get the more zoggites there seem to be...

That's just it. Not so much "They walk among us" as "There are only a few of us left, and we have to fit into the spaces between Them".

Memo to self: buy more books, bicycles and beer. And a scimitar.

 

[John Ponting]

I've got my back to the window and the blinds are closed and the lights are off ... I'm hiding from USERS!

 

[NickM]

I went to a lunch party on Saturday (at the Albert hall, no less!). There was a chap there with a Buffalo Bill haircut, wearing pink trousers. I thought to myself "Now he has just got to be interesting".

So I struck up a conversation with him, and he turned out to be a terminally dull queen pensioner who insisted on telling me at length about why he just had to have every item of his seemingly extensive wardrobe. Perhaps he assumed that I shared his sexual preferences; I don't know.

This was after a demonstration from the woman sat next to me of just how stunningly rude otherwise polite people can be when the word "cyclist" comes up in a conversation.

It was a bit disappointing; still, at least the wine flowed freely.

 

[rich p]

thinks he's the font of all knowledge and i've proved otherwise, so it must be my fault then

Fount, I believe so perhaps you're not!!!

 

[Tetedelacourse]

And another thing. She's signed up with Weight Watchers, because she thinks she's too fat (well, that's one thing she's right about).

If she wants to be thinner, why does she continue to stick food into her face at half-hourly intervals? She's feeding on pasta out of a Tupperware box even as I type.

In fact, why do people like this exist? What is the point of them?

I have one of them! Mine scoffs at me when I eat my muesli, and waves her fried egg and bacon roll at me in some sort of perverse office-based food-related attempt to lure me onto the rocks. She eats a shitload every day, and then whines about being overweight and breathless after a flight of stairs.

I once went to a chinese buffet with the team and she polished off 5 yes f-i-v-e plates of main course. There may well be people who are overweight because of some sort of genuine problem, but she is the epitomy of greed.

oh - 11.45 - time for a pre-lunch packet of crisps, off she waddles!

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

Fount, I believe so perhaps you're not!!!

I think both are acceptable, I tend to use font too.

<pedantic>BTW, shouldn't you have a comma after 'believe'? </pedantic mode>

 

[Tetedelacourse]

Nonetheless, Siena should have been capitalised.