Cyclists that make you laugh (but you shouldn't)

[Maverick Goose]

Many incident's on club runs. Funniest was out near Matlock - we'd cut through from the Ashbourne Road via Manifold Valley. Just before Matlock at the end of Manifold Valley is a ford. Choice - ride through (knowing these things are usually slippy and cobbled) or chicken out and walk over the bridge.

3 riders decided to go for it, got half way and came to an abrupt halt. Got soaked. The rest of us fell about laughing, and so did another 20 or so picknickers. One of the lads really took the mickey taking too far, and ended up having the full sticky contents of a bottle dumped on his head whilst we were riding into Matlock.

Not quite on track, but, We'd ridden out to a 10 TT to support a few mates (30 miles from home). One of the lads was a bit of a tool, so whilst he was in the HQ, one of the guys whipped off the lads crank and switched it to 90 degrees (instead of 180) - oh how we laughed !!! Put it back later like !

Lol...is that the one near Bradbourne at the bottom of a hill leading to Tissington?

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I made myself laugh once. Dropping off the back of a group ride in the country, I pulled over to take my jacket off. Putting a foot down on the grass verge, I discovered that it wasn't higher than the road surface as I thought, but lower, with long grass. Result: I kept on leaning until I went right over sideways, and ended upside down in the ditch under the hedge, still 'on' my bike, wheels spinning lazily in the air.

Fortunately, I wasn't at the very back, and someone came along and pulled me out. Once free, I couldn't help giggling over what I must have looked like. I only wish someone had got it on camera.

When I was 5, we went on holiday to Brittany in France. At the Campsite there were hire bikes, so we cycled about everywhere. Anyway, on the first ride, I was pootling along the road with my parents following behind, and I decided to stop so they could catch up.

Unfortunatelly, I had never really been on a bike before and didn't know how to stop (brakes? what are brakes?). I decided to go over to the side of the road and went straight into a ditch.

My parents were wondering where I'd gone the ditch was so deep! I just seemed to dissappear.

I rode head first into the hedge before Christmas

No other vehicles involved. Nobody to be seen anywhere.

I rode into a tree once which had been blown over onto the cycle path. My excuse?? it was very dark and didn't see the tree until the last moment, even with lights.

 

[dellzeqq]

Blimey, how big is your Mum!?

I trapped myself once - pinned my finger to the seat tube of my Galaxy while fitting a new front mech to the tube - the mech just clamped onto my finger. I was in the flat, and both the land line and and my mobile were out of reach. I did wonder if I'd just die there, starved to death clamped to a bicycle, before I summoned the strength to unclamp it by levering it out again with the other hand.

your application for TEC duties has been turned down.........

 

[GordonB]

Many years ago I had a cycling holiday in Brittany with my ex - thankfully - wife, and each day we would buy lunch from a village shop some time during the late morning, usually a piece of cheese, some bread and perhaps a bottle of beer. One day, we called in at the local shop and found they had no beer but did have some very cheap local red wine, in litre bottles. Fine, nice cheap lunch - no, wine was definitely not to wifey's taste but I was damned if I was going to pour it away and carrying it on the bike for 50 miles it was not a option either bearing in mind we were fully loaded already. Best option was to carry it inside me, so an entire litre of falling over juice found it's way down the grub tube in less than an hour.

I suppose it was inevitable, bowling gently down a country lane humming French folk tunes I found myself cycling on the grass verge. Feeling confident I swerved off the verge but as my reactions were severely banjaxed by plonk I swerved right across the lane and into the 6 foot deep ditch on the other side that was conveniently filled with nettles for my further amusement. Have you ever tried to extricate yourself from a deep narrow ditch, lodged underneath a Holdsworth Mistral fitted with fully loaded panniers front and back, saddle and handlebar bags whilst being subjected to helpful comments from some vile harridan, such as "wot the hell do you think you're doing in there, get out immediately!"? Try it some time, it's hilarious - or at least the French guy cycling by thought so.........."ha, ha ha, les Anglais, nous avons un right plonker ici!"

Gordon

 

[Fnaar]

Under the affluence of inkohol, one night I was cycling home from university (many many years ago). It was dark, quiet, and I was going downhill on the pavement (

) through a residential area. Beery judgement caused me to glide alongside a big brick wall, taking most of the skin off my left arm. I woke up the next day with massive pain in my arm, and blood all over the sheets, and went to casualty to get it bandaged up. Didn't make me laugh at the time, but I can smirk at my stupidity now.

 

[mickle]

I met George Ramelcamp on the Bristol to Bath cycle path one evening. 'Hi George!', 'Oh, hey Mick!'

I was traveling east @ speed, he was travelling west @ much greater speed.

With our speed, and the arm swing, I estimate that our hands high fived with a closing speed approaching fifty miles an hour.

Ouch.

I could hear him yelping down the road - and he me - for some time.