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Dating

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by red_tom, 27 May 2008.

  1. red_tom

    red_tom New Member

    Location:
    East London
    Soooo, following on from this thread, what's changed in the last 10 years then? I'm not looking to do anything in the immediate future but I'd like a well informed toe when I decide to dip it back into the water... :smile:

    Is internet dating full of loonies? Is speed dating a mugs game? Is my dancing now considered crap? Is red hair still a massive handicap?
     
  2. Trillian

    Trillian New Member

    red hair can be an advantage, but not always.

    people don't really date, they meet, shag and hope nothing comes of it.

    on the other hand, some people are deciding the above is a daft plan and dating quite happily, using the internet as a means to communicate between being able to meet up.
     
  3. Your avatar's on the pull already - found a nice little oar to tide you over...

    Do all your dating in Café Rouge Tom :smile:
     
  4. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Location:
    O' slO'
    Three of the four I, er, met, were having psychological treatment for something or other (and this before they met me! :smile:)
    The present one isn't, but should be! ;)

    Nothing beats the 'contact' when something 'clicks' on a live date, eye to eye. On internet dating excitement and expectation rise quickly (cue fnaar!), but in reality there is often a case of disappointment - and that works both ways!

    Give it time, redtom, you'll be all right, let things take their natural course and try not to force the issue.
     
  5. Melvil

    Melvil Standard nerd

    I was wondering the other day how Londoners would breed without dating sites as everyone seems so off with each other...but maybe that's me.
    I count my existence due to the fact my parents met each other through a dating agency.
     
  6. Mortiroloboy

    Mortiroloboy New Member

    Red Tom, sorry to hear of your predicament, not much support, but boy am I glad I'm too old for all that dating stuff... just chat up someone you meet at work, down the pub (if you go to those dens of vice):smile: too many loonies on t'internet.
     
  7. graham56

    graham56 Veteran

  8. Night Train

    Night Train Guest

    I have used the internet dating thing over the last 10 years and what I have found is that newbies on a site get loads of contact and then it all dies down to a slow trickle (hopefully). It is worth doing a search of men fitting, or similar to, your profile just to see what they are saying about themselves and so you know who you are up against.
    Be honest in your profile and show a nice head and shoulders photo (dressed). Women I have spoken to don't like photos of men on the dating sites to be topless, doing a macho activity, snogging other women, posing with a big car or 4x4. Women also don't like 6'2" when you are really only 5'6" or 38yo when you are well past 50 looking for under 25s.

    The ones I have met, on the most part, been fine.
    One was not quite over her ex and so as much a we really liked each other it wasn't going anywhere.
    Another was in another country trying to win custody of her kid so she could come home. She did in the end and 'came home' to someone else she had met.
    Another was so nieve and innocent that I had to tell her how much risk she was at in meeting me without having told any one. I also ended up helping her with her self confidence and so she managed to meet someone else who was more interested in her then I was.
    Another just wanted to drink a lot, smoke some weed and then get me in the sack. I wouldn't 'play ball' and so it didn't work.
    Many others were a simple case of meeting up and one or both of us didn't feel the spark either on the first date or after a few dates.
    Others have become friends over time.

    All I would really say is be careful. They are not all nutters out there but you do need to protect yourself.

    If you are going to meet, make sure a friend knows where, when and who you are meeting. Get them to phone you part way through the first date to check things are ok. It gives you a get out clause if you needed it and also means that if she is a risk then she knows you are playing it safe.
    I always tell the date that I will be getting a check up call to make sure I haven't been abducted by a load of Russian blackmailers or something on a scam. They are generally cool about that as they should also be doing the same.

    I operate a no sex on the first date rule just to temper my, and her, interest so that we can get to know each other properly without the pressure of not knowing where it might lead. Only broke that once and we were together for 3 1/2 years.

    I don't bother with pay sites as I am tight and it is not the only place I will be hoping to meet someone. I have a message I need to reply to on one site but I don't know yet. On another site I found, after I joined, a stalker from 8 years previous suddenly appeared meeting my search criteria. She was the one true nutter I've met.

    The important thing is 'no rush'. Give your self time to be re-established as your own person before looking for someone else to be with.

    Funny story:
    I was chatting with someone on a site (pre photos) just after my wife and I split up but before she moved out. We got on really well and so I decide to open up about my domestic situation and some more of my interests.
    Later on I got a shout from Mrs NT:
    'Are you [name] on [dating site]?'
    'Err, yeah. Why?'
    'You can stop chatting to me, it didn't work the first time!'
     
  9. buggi

    buggi Bird Saviour

    Location:
    Solihull
    LOL Nightrain that is really funny!!!! :smile: ;) :biggrin:
     
  10. Cycling Naturalist

    Cycling Naturalist Legendary Member

    Location:
    Llangollen
    Certainly not - you might get to meet spindrift. :smile:
     
  11. Milo

    Milo Veteran

    Location:
    Melksham, Wilts
    Or bonj :smile:
     
  12. tdr1nka

    tdr1nka Taking the biscuit

    Now, now young 'un you'll give the poor folk nightmares!:smile:
     
  13. Dating seems to involve lots of texting these days.

    Also all the girls seem to have got 10 years older!
     
  14. Keith Oates

    Keith Oates Janner

    Location:
    Penarth, Wales
    Dayvo is quite right, don't go out specifically to look for a date or lady, just walk around and keep your eyes open. When the eye contact is made then start to talk or whatever and it all starts to flow. The internet is NOT the place to go IMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  15. A male friend of mine has had absolutely rotten luck with women in his life, and is currently single, and using some dating websites. He's certainly had some 'interesting' experiences (none of them were dodgy though). One thing he says (and another single female friend of mine agrees) is that the descriptions people put about themselves on these sites makes them look boring, precisely because they don't want to offend, appear nuts, or quirky or threatening. The upshot of this - he says - is that people come across like they are very bland, and when you meet them, they are also bland, so the whole thing is...well...bland.

    So, he decided to change his description about himself - what makes him grumpy, winds him up, makes him excited and interested - ie changed the tone, and the number of interesting people he met significantly increased. He's still single though, but at least has had some interesting nights out!