Dogtrousers
Lefty tighty. Get it righty.
There is no way you can "Bomb proof" a bike that has sat outside unused for two years. The chain and sprockets will be rusted solid and the tyres will be deflated and cracked. And in many of the times when bicycles were cheap and practical far fewer people rode them than is the case now. Not that you can't get bikes that are cheap and practical now, walk into any bike shop and there are plenty of them.
A fixed gear bike with solid tyres would go some way to bomb proofness. I can't help with the rusty chain though. Maybe stainless steel?