Divorce

[Mark1978]

Sorry to hear about your predicament. I have no experience of divorce, but you have two sons and what seems like a very strong family unit to help you through. I know from experience that having family and friends to help you is probably the biggest factor in your recovery of any kind of personal trauma like this. We lost our unborn daughter last week due to complication in the pregnancy late on and there is no pain like it. However I've found in even a short amount of time I'm managing to cope better and better. I cried, I screamed, I punched the bed in anger. I'll never get to know how amazing that little girl would have been so take heart in the fact that you have two kids who I'm sure will help get you through this.

 

[Broughtonblue]

I'm feeling a deep and intense anger today, starting to hate her for what she has done,

 

[summerdays]

Isn't today your day to go to the gym? Take the anger there and use it? But your emotions will swing different directions, bit of a roller coaster I'm afraid.

 

[ScotiaLass]

I'm feeling a deep and intense anger today, starting to hate her for what she has done,

That's normal (well it has been for me). It will pass
I know this is easy to say, but please don't let your anger consume you. All it does is make you a bitter person - channel your feelings into more positive things!
Have you thought about joining a Meet Up group? They have groups for all sorts of activities, from cycling groups to people who enjoy the cinema or eating out etc. It will get you out and meeting others (it's not a dating site!).

 

[annedonnelly]

I think anger is natural and probably better than being miserable. As @summerdays says try to channel your anger into something useful. Even making lists of all the things that need to be done will let you feel you've achieved something.

 

[MarkF]

I'm feeling a deep and intense anger today, starting to hate her for what she has done,

Don't do that, she doesn't appear to have done anything wrong. She's told you, which can't have been easy and her social life shows that she has moved on. This is surely better for both of you than submitting to pity and dragging it out? Get it all out of the gym.

 

[Broughtonblue]

My anger is focussed purely on her. She needs her car daily as a mobile hairdresser, it broke yesterday, as I'm on sick this week and am trying to be as amicable as poss I let her have mine and I took hers to be mended. Obviously she gets paid cash most times so we have a safe in the house, the mechanic wanted cash so went to get it from safe, she's only hidden the feckin key just incase I tried to raid the safe, 30 years together and that happens. She still had a card for our joint account that obviously my wages go into, I would never imagined her trying something like that with my wages!
Needless to say that's been cut up now!

But the worst part, not one word of thanks for helping her, b1tch

Time for my first happy pill of the day I think!

 

[Hitchington]

anybody been through a separation?
After 30 years my wife has left me, does the pain get easier? It's only been a week.

It does. It's a grieving process and will take time. I lot someone I loved very dearly after being together for 11 years. The world changed for me, quite literally everything looked and felt different. I found it helpful to go to my GP (after 2 weeks I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown) and was referred to a counsellor. That will help. It will get better, have hope.

 

[Hitchington]

And there's no shame in feeling angry, acknowledge how you feel. It's part of the process. Your ego has taken a huge blow and anger is a natural feeling, but that's all it is, a feeling. Underneath you are still the same person. You just need to go through the process. Writing things down on paper or in a book helped me a lot. I wrote some awful things about my ex and him (she went off with my best friend). I never showed anyone what I wrote. But the act of emptying out my thoughts onto paper was symbolic of emptying out all the negative thoughts that were cascading around my head. I burnt the books in a bonfire a few years later when I found them in a box.

 

[vickster]

My anger is focussed purely on her. She needs her car daily as a mobile hairdresser, it broke yesterday, as I'm on sick this week and am trying to be as amicable as poss I let her have mine and I took hers to be mended. Obviously she gets paid cash most times so we have a safe in the house, the mechanic wanted cash so went to get it from safe, she's only hidden the feckin key just incase I tried to raid the safe, 30 years together and that happens. She still had a card for our joint account that obviously my wages go into, I would never imagined her trying something like that with my wages!
Needless to say that's been cut up now!

But the worst part, not one word of thanks for helping her, b1tch

Time for my first happy pill of the day I think!

Leave her car with the mechanic, make her pick it up and pay for it

Alter your banking details too

 

[Broughtonblue]

And there's no shame in feeling angry, acknowledge how you feel. It's part of the process. Your ego has taken a huge blow and anger is a natural feeling, but that's all it is, a feeling. Underneath you are still the same person. You just need to go through the process. Writing things down on paper or in a book helped me a lot. I wrote some awful things about my ex and him (she went off with my best friend). I never showed anyone what I wrote. But the act of emptying out my thoughts onto paper was symbolic of emptying out all the negative thoughts that were cascading around my head. I burnt the books in a bonfire a few years later when I found them in a box.

I think that's why I'm still posting on here about it, I need to release those thoughts. Might keep posting in here over the coming weeks and use it as a kind of blog!

 

[Silver Fox]

My anger is focussed purely on her. She needs her car daily as a mobile hairdresser, it broke yesterday, as I'm on sick this week and am trying to be as amicable as poss I let her have mine and I took hers to be mended. Obviously she gets paid cash most times so we have a safe in the house, the mechanic wanted cash so went to get it from safe, she's only hidden the feckin key just incase I tried to raid the safe, 30 years together and that happens. She still had a card for our joint account that obviously my wages go into, I would never imagined her trying something like that with my wages!
Needless to say that's been cut up now!

But the worst part, not one word of thanks for helping her, b1tch

Time for my first happy pill of the day I think!

Take it easy in the anger department. Women can be very manipulative, don't give her bullets to fire at you. At the risk of being flamed, in circumstances like this women are very good at playing the victim even when they're not. I've seen it happen to too many blokes.

 

[Broughtonblue]

Leave her car with the mechanic, make her pick it up and pay for it

Alter your banking details too

No I picked it up last night so it was already for her today, she has got to go back and pay for it later.
Hate myself now for being so damn nice about it, never again.

 

[raleighnut]

+1 to that

 

[Hitchington]

I think that's why I'm still posting on here about it, I need to release those thoughts. Might keep posting in here over the coming weeks and use it as a kind of blog!

That's good, but some thoughts are best for your eyes only. I didn't even show my counsellor what I had written, although she said that she had no need to read them - it's all about the process. Sounds dark, but it helped me.

Get a counsellor though. Your work should have an employment assistance programme or your GP surgery might have an in house counsellor. You usually get the first 6 sessions for free.