Divorce

[Arrowfoot]

But, if you bring it to their notice then they have to follow procedures with it. If they fail, and then penalise you because of it you have more of a leg to stand on. It's worth doing for something like this, just to cover yourself. It's awful to get 6 months down the line and realise you are suffering extra problems because of something you didn't feel up to pursuing right at the beginning.

I do agree that about early notification to protect one's interest but not to hang our coat on they doing something.

 

[w00hoo_kent]

As for doing things that will piss my wife off, I want us to split on good if not very good terms, but am tempted to move my turbo trainer into the living room from the garage!

My feeling would be don't needlessly antagonise, but equally don't pretend nothing has happened. I have no idea if there's a chance for reconciliation between you, this is probably one of those cases where one side has been brewing for ages and just presumed both sides were and it's reached a point. If her parents are also surprised then it sounds like she's not talked it over with them either. Definitely try and get her to counselling, if not to fix things up, then to make sure you both get to say what needs to be said to split things amicably.

But.

While there's no point needlessly antagonising, from what has been said she sounds quite selfish and there's a good chance she's expecting everything to change for her benefit rather than mutually and that shouldn't be the case. You need to make sure you are happy. So sure, don't wreck things by moving the turbo, but if you can stick it on something so it won't damage the carpet and turbo while watching the telly. Do it. If you want mates round for a curry and watching the football. Go for it. She needs to know that her midlife crisis doesn't make her the special snowflake everyone else needs to accommodate. A lot of people make decisions presuming a single consequence, without realising that there are multiple possible outcomes.

 

[summerdays]

Well done another step or two forward

As for doing things that will piss my wife off, I want us to split on good if not very good terms, but am tempted to move my turbo trainer into the living room from the garage!

I'd wait on this one, leave it for the thing you are going to do the minute she actually goes. As you say no point unnecessarily winding her up before she leaves and you have something that you are going to do differently once she officially goes. I'm sure she will be back to pick up stuff after that date and will see then you are doing things differently!

 

[Speicher]

Well done another step or two forward
I'd wait on this one, leave it for the thing you are going to do the minute she actually goes. As you say no point unnecessarily winding her up before she leaves and you have something that you are going to do differently once she officially goes. I'm sure she will be back to pick up stuff after that date and will see then you are doing things differently!

That would be my approach, Summerdays.

 

[Geoff Crowther]

Update:
Been docs and he's put me on the pill, arranging a councellor but he's also signed me on the sick for a week because I broke down and was an uncontrollable mess! With the redundancy thing looming I don't know what to do about work so I've arranged to meet my manager in reception before the start of my shift, to see if it will affect the redundancy decisions, if he's involved in the decision at all!

Also been round to see the in-laws! After all they are still my friends as well as her parents, all very emotional but amicable, they were stunned as well!

As for doing things that will piss my wife off, I want us to split on good if not very good terms, but am tempted to move my turbo trainer into the living room from the garage!

Well done for taking those steps. Especially for considering talking to your manager. Don't forget Saluki's earlier advice on involving HR too, if you feel you could manage that.
Seems to me like you're making a real good effort.
Good luck.

 

[Broughtonblue]

my lad has just sent this link to me, feel like shite again

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

 

[Stephenite]

I've just watched the video. It looks like your lad is trying to help you. It's by the World Health Organisation, and talks about dealing with depression through relaxation, exercise and talking to people.

 

[w00hoo_kent]

All this hate and revenge, remember the only winners in all of this will be the solicitors, their gain is your failures.

No, the biggest winners will be the solicitors, which is why it's valuable to minimise how much you need them, but just saying 'yes' to everything that's asked of you in this situation may seem the best option in the here and now, but it's unlikely to see you coming out of it in your best position.

 

[Rafferty]

All this hate and revenge, remember the only winners in all of this will be the solicitors, their gain is your failures.

Solicitors..............don't get me started. Do your own Affidavit, It'll save you a fortune.

 

[Spinney]

my lad has just sent this link to me, feel like shite again

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

I've seen that video before - your lad def. sent this to try to help you...

 

[Saluki]

my lad has just sent this link to me, feel like shite again

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

That's a great video. Your lad sent it to you to help you not to make you feel bad.

I take my black dog cycling. He can't run as far as I can ride and slinks off somewhere else leaving me free to feel good. Depending on the ride, sometimes I can lose him for days at a time. In the summer I lose him altogether and it can take until Xmas until he finds his way back.

I also have a proper black dog, he is called Billy Whizz and is a hilariously naughty greyhound and very cuddly. Pet's are good at helping with depression. Do you have a pet at all?

 

[subaqua]

That's a great video. Your lad sent it to you to help you not to make you feel bad.

I take my black dog cycling. He can't run as far as I can ride and slinks off somewhere else leaving me free to feel good. Depending on the ride, sometimes I can lose him for days at a time. In the summer I lose him altogether and it can take until Xmas until he finds his way back.

I also have a proper black dog, he is called Billy Whizz and is a hilariously naughty greyhound and very cuddly. Pet's are good at helping with depression. Do you have a pet at all?

the only time I can condone animal cruelty is in giving the black dog a good kicking . hardest part for me was spotting when the fecker was slinking up behind me. once I got that sorted things got easier.

I can't give any advice to the OP apart from that given in most of the other posts. the HR thing is a big MUST DO though.

 

[Broughtonblue]

That's a great video. Your lad sent it to you to help you not to make you feel bad.

I take my black dog cycling. He can't run as far as I can ride and slinks off somewhere else leaving me free to feel good. Depending on the ride, sometimes I can lose him for days at a time. In the summer I lose him altogether and it can take until Xmas until he finds his way back.

I also have a proper black dog, he is called Billy Whizz and is a hilariously naughty greyhound and very cuddly. Pet's are good at helping with depression. Do you have a pet at all?

Did have till last August! Black lab, had him 15 years but alas age got the better of him, had him put to sleep. Even this wasn't routine as he wouldn't let the vet shave his leg for the injection because of his arthritis, ended up pinning him on the surgery floor so they could administer the lethal dose. Horrible.
He was my best mate and I was at my happiest a lot of the time when it was just me and him walking through the fields!

Bet you wish you hadn't asked now!!

 

[Broughtonblue]

Went into work with my sick note, they were fully understanding. Apparently it shouldn't affect the redundancy situation too much as the matrix being used in the selection process is retrospective, from the day the redundancies were mentioned.
Also said if I want to go in for a couple of hours or whatever, just to get out the house then I can.
Manager going to try and get occ health to sort me some councilling out pretty quick as doc said national health might take upto two weeks

 

[Saluki]

Did have till last August! Black lab, had him 15 years but alas age got the better of him, had him put to sleep. Even this wasn't routine as he wouldn't let the vet shave his leg for the injection because of his arthritis, ended up pinning him on the surgery floor so they could administer the lethal dose. Horrible.
He was my best mate and I was at my happiest a lot of the time when it was just me and him walking through the fields!

Bet you wish you hadn't asked now!!

Oh bloody hell. You're not wrong. So sorry to bring it up.