Falling out over money

[All uphill]

At a tangent I am occasionally troubled by acquaintances who travel to remote and poor places; they talk a lot about the generosity of local people in rural India or Peru, for example.

I find the idea of hugely privileged Europeans taking the hospitality of poor people disgusting. When asked the acquaintances say that it's tradition, or that they wouldn't want to insult them by offering money.

Tldr: there are takers everywhere and they do very well for themselves and find ways to still their conscience.

 

[markemark]

At a tangent I am occasionally troubled by acquaintances who travel to remote and poor places; they talk a lot about the generosity of local people in rural India or Peru, for example.

I find the idea of hugely privileged Europeans taking the hospitality of poor people disgusting. When asked the acquaintances say that it's tradition, or that they wouldn't want to insult them by offering money.

Tldr: there are takers everywhere and they do very well for themselves and find ways to still their conscience.

It’s important on such travels to keep contributions in proportion to the hospitality given strictly linked to the local economy. If a rich westerner turned up and gave a small amount of money they wouldn’t even notice to a community, if it dwarfs the cost of hospitality given it would skew and disrupt the local economy.
A big problem in developing countries is those employed in tourism facing jobs can get massively more than those working behind the scenes. The sort of asymmetry can destroy local economies.
So your friends should not take advantage, but they should absolutely keep in proportion to the local economy even if it seems like pittance to you.

Imagine a few billionaire turn up to your local community and drop a million to a few people along the way. Imagine your local community was pretty much isolated and self sufficient. Inflation would hit the roof and those without would suddenly become unable to compete and afford the basics. Those that run essential local services would stop and then change to hospitality to catch up. All of a sudden there would be nobody fulfilling essential services and the town structure would struggle to function.

 

[fossyant]

Add in airport drop off fees ! Maybe said friend will return the favour when you need to go on holiday. 600km is not to be sniffed at even if just for fuel - your wife will be considerably out of pocket given current prices.

I'm surprised none of my family have yet asked me to do an airport run, being the one that's got an executive 'van' with posh seats and lots of luggage space. But we are just 10 miles/16km from an airport and a pre booked taxi isn't a rip off.

 

[Once a Wheeler]

Perhaps your wife could ask her friend: If I give all my money to the poor to ensure my place in heaven, would you regret not being able to ask me for a lift to the airport as I would have no car? No matter what the reply, it should be very revealing.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

What is stopping the friend arranging a taxi pickup? Your wife could just say, she now can’t do the pivkup.

 

[Electric_Andy]

I would be urging my partner to politely ask for fuel money. she is still giving her time for free, which is a good thing for a friend to do. But fuel ain't cheap. And the friend obviously has money to run a car so can pay her way. In short, it's rude to just expect a free ride and not offer anything, but not so bad if you then give a token 20 quid when asked. I expect a few excuses and a "checks in the post" scenario to follow.

I have met people like this. They live in a bubble and think that because they're (insert Religion of choice) then they're doing God's work so can't possibly owe anyone anything

 

[glasgowcyclist]

And the friend obviously has money to run a car

I'd missed that. If she wants a drop off/pick up again, I'd be suggesting that we use her car.

 

[yello]

What is stopping the friend arranging a taxi pickup? Your wife could just say, she now can’t do the pivkup.

Nah, wouldn't do that, that'd be a rotten thing to do. Besides, have you seen the price of French cabs?! It wouldn't surprise me if the journey would set her back €200+.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Nah, wouldn't do that, that'd be a rotten thing to do. Besides, have you seen the price of French cabs?! It wouldn't surprise me if the journey would set her back €200+.

Why would it be rotten? Your wife does not owe her friend a free and time consuming service does she. The friend should cover the full fuel cost as a minimum. Without the need to ask.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

I used to know someone like that

they appeared to be very "earthy" people and lived in an old farm cottage
they often asked for help with child care and little things about the house and all that

but when we asked them for something it was never possible
they did look after our daughter a few times - but it was always at their instigation and as both girls were only children - it was more like getting a playmate to keep the kid occupied


Then one day a few families were out for a picnic and they were not there
it turned out that they had been the same with everyone - and no-one had ever had a favour from them
it was always just not possible "at the moment" but "certainly next time just let us know"

I reckon their life became rather more complicated shortly after that!

 

[postman]

I have a story of a wife who volunteered her husband to help out her friends.So one morning he had been volunteered to pick up her pal,for a drop off at an airport.Well whilst waiting in the womens kitchen he had a massive heart attack,dead as a door nail in the kitchen.