Feeling railroaded by giving a colleague a lift into work

[ebikeerwidnes]

I never used to get asked for lifts

Probably something to do with my Alsatian dog

She wasn;t in the car but there was a blanket on the back seat and it was totally covered in dog hair

probably not a useful comment but anyway


more importantly - hope today goes well!

 

[Electric_Andy]

It can be dreadful to say this sort of thing to people, I used to dread situations like this when I was younger. But you have to realise that a) they probably won't even care/will be expecting it, b) it's your right to cease giving out free lifts, c) it's not your problem and d) not giving a stuff about what other people think is not rude, it's just putting yourself first for a change.

 

[Time Waster]

I occasionally got asked for lifts. I even had to go out of my way too. Other times I'd give a car full when their usual lift was unavailable or on holiday. I didn't mind them in the car and going home they went with someone else. For me it was the be at a certain place at a certain time. I had 15 minutes drive to get there a d occasionally it took longer. I'm someone who's obsessive about being on time so that meant I was up a lot earlier and on my way early too. In fact I usually had to sit in the van for 15 minutes I was that early. That was because I left in time but got there 5 minutes late leaving people stood around in the cold, freezing weather at the time.

Another person used to get a lift near to her home. She was in her 70s but smelt bad after work, I mean all windows open and blower on full with your head out the window like a dog it was that bad. I moved house then started going another way via the motorway instead of A road. Both routes were similar distance and time but the motorway route was 30 minutes instead of 35 to 40 minutes. I told her straight that I go another way. She got a lift to the bus station and got home that way. It stopped at the same place I dropped her off. She simply accepted it and the only one bothered was me for feeling bad about it. I eventually got the smell out 2 weeks later!

Seriously, I would think that the OP was more convenient than their other options. They will have other options. Eastern Europeans tend to live in similar areas but work in similar areas. A bit of a generalisation but in our area it's Polish because it had a Polish community from the beginning of the 1900s. Friends of friends know someone going their way at the same time usually. It is likely that they have to pay more petrol for the other options though!

Do not feel bad. Your car and your generosity shouldn't be taken for granted or abused. And that is for you to determine nobody else. I think because of this thread you've decided that already just have issues with stopping it, because you're a genuine and nice guy.

Let us know how things went.

 

[cyberknight]

Take your overtime, if you still want to give a lift they will have to wait on your terms .At my workplace we have those who lift share from different areas and if one gets 2 hours overtime then its up to them too wait for the driver to finish or walk

 

[Electric_Andy]

I had an uncle in Chichester who used to give someone a lift to work from his house. They would often arrive late, or just not show and not let him know. He had no worries telling them that he wasn't going to be giving them lifts anymore. I don't understand some people; if I was asking for a lift I'd do all I could to try and arrange my own transport in the meantime, and would be tripping over myself to offer fuel money and would not care if I had to wait around for an hour to go home. beggars can't be choosers.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Take your overtime, if you still want to give a lift they will have to wait on your terms .At my workplace we have those who lift share from different areas and if one gets 2 hours overtime then its up to them too wait for the driver to finish or walk

^^This^^

Absolutely no way would I turn down overtime in order to give a colleague a lift.

 

[johnnyb47]

Hi again.
Well I broke the news today to them.
I just said it wasn't working for me anymore and that I need to quite often go to other places after work that are not in the direction of home.It went very quiet in the car which made me feel a little guilty.I felt sad for my original work mate who I've given a lift for a good few years as I do class him as a friend.
I said I will take them to work this week but next week its not happening.I haven't told them yet but I won't take any money off them this week either.
I feel a bit S**** doing this today but it's got to end.
I just can't stand it anymore hearing the car full of chit chat that I don't understand and feeling railroaded and time destination constrained ever day.
Thanks for all the kind words and advice given.
As you probably know I live by myself and have very few people to talk to (except for the cat) and being able to chat to you fine people here on Cycle Chat really helps sometimes on getting a great perspective grip on life's annoying niggles.
👍👍

 

[Kingfisher101]

Glad you have told them, they know that they have been taking advantage of your good nature and also that its wrong to exclude you from conversations all the time. That's just plain rude.
Hopefully you will be able to get some peace and your life back from next week.

 

[wafter]

Organise something that removes your ability to take them home - either overtime or perhaps a legit appointment in the opposite direction. Let your regular mate know in advance; leave the rest of the chancers to loiter hopelessly next to your car while you do the overtime, or just tell them of your plans when you reach the car.

It can be hard to be assertive in the face of p*ss-takers, but you need to be assertive and set boundaries - better that than losing your sh*t one day and piloting the packed car off the side of a mountain pass into a ravine. Probably.

Good luck

 

[alicat]

I'm really pleased you've made a start @johnnyb47. You're definitely being used when they don't even include you in the conversation.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

I feel a bit S**** doing this today but it's got to end

Don’t feel shoot, you’re not the one who has been taking the piss. You’re the one who has been taken advantage of.

 

[johnnyb47]

I'm actually looking forward to next week now.Not feeling pressured into getting to pick up points in the morning on time and rushing in the evening to get the job done at work because I know they will be waiting.
Being able to drive home and enjoy some peace and quiet and not hearing the suspension crashing out on our pot holed roads with a car full of people.
Being able to visit places on the way home whether it be shopping or social visits without having to consider the occupant's ,plus my old aging car will actually feel like it's mine again

 

[DCLane]

Sometimes doing the 'right' thing for you feels bad @johnnyb47 - but that doesn't mean it isn't the correct thing for your welfare and mental health.

 

[Time Waster]

Glad you have told them, they know that they have been taking advantage of your good nature and also that its wrong to exclude you from conversations all the time. That's just plain rude.
Hopefully you will be able to get some peace and your life back from next week.

I was thinking that I've been in rooms of polish people before now. Always one or two of them break off from the conversation to include me. Sometimes they would explain what they've been talking about. It's possible not all have good English so some don't feel comfortable talking to you but it won't be the case with all.

To exclude you is plain rude when you're driving them too. A bit ignorant. I've encountered that too but mostly foreign nationals are nice people. The language difficulties can be an issue but usually not all.

 

[Time Waster]

To the op, they will probably forget about it. Possibly before your have forgiven yourself! Don't let it bother you. Oh and friends are a good thing. Having people to talk to, even reprobates on a cycling forum, are a good thing.

Help will always be given at CC to those who ask for it. You might not like the help you get sometimes but mostly good.