Found out today we're seperating

[User482]

[QUOTE 4242687, member: 9609"]Sounds like a feeble excuse to me, I think women always bang on about nonsense like that when their knickers are in a knot about some thing else.[/QUOTE]
I think it would be better to focus on the subject of the OP rather than making prejudiced assertions about 50% of the world's population.

 

[Accy cyclist]

@Accy cyclist
would you wash cook clean and do all the other things for someone else for 20 odd yrs..

No neither would i...you need to think about that, maybe you need to live in a hotel?

When we first married i made all the meals. Cooking was my hobby before it became a popular pass time with blokes. I'd spend hours making stuff! Then over the years she started to say stuff like This is boring or this has fish in.... blurrgh! So eventually i gave up and left her to make her preferred processed or semi processed stuff for herself and then our daughter when she came along. Ok, i'm not the tidiest person,but by no means am i a dirty. I'm a bit of a hygiene freak, it's just that if i pick something up to move it, it ends up being untidy somewhere else.

 

[Soltydog]

Just picked up on this thread & sorry to hear your news mate. If you've both been unhappy for a while, a break up may be for the best & from my experience if she has found someone else it would be very hard to stay together now & make a go of it. Hopefully in the not too distant future you'll be settled again & happier

 

[nickyboy]

Unfortunately there is rarely a situation where one party is 100% at fault and the other 0%

Perhaps instead of focusing on apportioning blame you need to decide if you want your relationship to continue or not. If you do then maybe an open and frank discussion is a good starting point. Counselling can be a very effective route I am led to believe

 

[PaulB]

Best person I ever met was my wife.

We began on the wrong foot by taking a mutual dislike to each other but then grew closer together and have been inseparable (unless I'm on my bike or running - she wouldn't be on the same page on either of those) for the past 35 years. We're about as compatible as I'd expect the ideal long-term couple to be but she tears right into me about my supposed lack of effort around the house so I doubt any relationship could be truly perfect.

I see her house-proudness as bordering on the obsessional while she thinks I'm the laziest scruff who's ever lived but we can always put that bone of contention to one side and live happily together. As long as she cleans up behind me.

 

[Speicher]

[QUOTE 4242687, member: 9609"]Sounds like a feeble excuse to me, I think women always bang on about nonsense like that when their knickers are in a knot about some thing else.[/QUOTE]

I think it would be better to focus on the subject of the OP rather than making prejudiced assertions about 50% of the world's population.

50% of the world's population are more likely to get their underpants in a twist.

 

[Electric_Andy]

Surely petty stuff like that isn't enough reason to end our long term relationship is it? Again, i think it's just an excuse to run off with someone else. I told her i won't be moving out and left it at that.

I don't know you, or the situation but I'm saddened when anyone's relationship takes a turn for the worse. To answer your question, my wife's ex husband was thrown out for the same reason. Didn't help with the (2 year old) child, or the housework, and wasn't the affectionate type. Not saying this is you as well, but I think all of these small things can come together and make a chap look like an oaf, rightly or wrongly.

However, the fact that there might be someone else is a huge factor IMHO. It might be a friend with a lending ear, it might be romantic. What speaks volumes for me is that rather than go off at you for being lazy, that conversation seems to have been skipped and she's gone outside of what's acceptable in a marriage i.e. might be seeing someone else.

Whatever the case, it sounds like her mind is made up. This is your last chance to talk to her properly, ignoring the Facebook stuff and the outside involvement of other people. If after that she still wants out, you don't have much choice. I know how these things go, especially with property, so you do have to think of yourself and fully expect that she will take as much as she can.

My view (without many facts) is that she is seeing someone else, otherwise she would have gone ballistic at the mere suggestion of her playing away. Stand your ground, if she's found someone else then it's up to her to take a financial hit with regards houses, rather than you. Just my 2p

 

[OskarTennisChampion]

You obviously know your wife very well after all this time.
But it sounds to me as if she is playing this very clever,because as soon as she mentions a third party,you could be in a favourable position.
In other words , the marriage has broken down through infidelity.
Can I ask ? , Had you spoken about separation before ?
Because the way I read it,when she said "we have spoke about this" didn't sound very official and crowbarred in to exonerate some of her own guilt.

 

[jefmcg]

Surely petty stuff like that isn't enough reason to end our long term relationship is it?

I don't want to be harsh, because I am going through the same thing, but maybe you should ask if there was any reason to continue it? The little vignettes seem pretty bleak to me. You don't do your share around the house, you don't show affection. There seems to be very little communication. What was she getting out of the relationship?

 

[Levo-Lon]

I don't want to be harsh, because I am going through the same thing, but maybe you should ask if there was any reason to continue it? The little vignettes seem pretty bleak to me. You don't do your share around the house, you don't show affection. There seems to be very little communication. What was she getting out of the relationship?

spot on @jefmcg ..
In my experience once the lady has lost intrest, Thats it....game over..
men try to hang on to what was..women cope better as they dont worry about Who will look after their needs...
mind you i wouldt put my dirty laundry on a forum either..very facebook way of living

 

[Broughtonblue]

Mate I've been there , see my thread 'struggling after break up of long term relationship'

Message me if you want to talk, when I went through mine loads of people said life will get better, and you will probably be happier than you were when it does. Last thing I wanted to hear, but ........

It's bloody true

If you start to feal down, see a councillor, best thing I've done in my life!!

Best of luck

 

[Tin Pot]

It's not over till it's over - have a proper talk and ask yourselves what you really want. Most people don't think about whether they'll actually be happier apart, they just know the status quo is no good.

24 years is not nothing, and you know each other better than you think, and get more from each other than you think.

My advice, get to a couples counsellor - it will help, whatever the two of you decide.

 

[Hicky]

Happened to me over 2 years ago, two young sons involved, I wanted to try counselling she didn't....yep another guy involved.
Lots on unreasonable behaviour/comments/threats ref the kids.
We're now +2 years so divorce is proceeding, the eldest stayed with me in the house he's known all his life after she tried to take them away, the youngest spends as much time with me as possible( I'm lucky compared to some of the people on F4J etc) however she doesn't lead a life any woman can be proud of as he gets older he'll see this and probably come back to me....we'll see.
I "faced the pain" straight away and managed to put it behind me quickly with some counselling from work, learnt a bit about myself.

I'd advise to do two things,
One: Decide what you want to do based on two outcomes(do you want to work at it, and is she willing to)
Two: Have a good search of yourself and your own feelings before doing the point above.

Once you know, steel yourself for whatever comes and face it 100%, never surrender what and who you are and always remember tomorrow is another day.

 

[Deleted member 35268]

I would hate to have this happen to me, how utterly utterly awful.

 

[Vapin' Joe]

Women today won't put up with mundane and boring relationships like they had to when it was economically impossible to bale out. If you don't pull your weight you'll be dumped.