Give me some dialogue from your day

[Arch]

Not me, but my workmate Steve:

Phone rings this morning before we set out. Steve answers and the woman on the other end says she's just watch us drive past her four bags of recycling left out on Colliergate. Steve says that's unlikely, as we haven't started working yet. Oh! ok... (she must have been seeing a council wagon)

Call ends, and Steve thinks, hang on, Colliergate?

He calles her back.

Steve: Hi, I was just talking to you about your recycling?
Her: Yes?
Steve: Did you say it was on Colliergate?
Her: Yes.
Steve: Then your collection isn't until tomorrow.
Her: But I looked on the website, it clearly says you collect from here on Wednesday.
Steve: We do. Today is Tuesday.

<pause>

Her: Oh. Yes.

 

[Lullabelle]

Today I spoke to a very nice lady at O2 regarding invoice/credit note, I got so confused that I said thank you and hung up, I am still non the wiser about what the f**k is going on

 

[gbb]

The above telecons remind me...apologies if ive done this one, im not sure...
Hydraulics supplier I got on well with, there was aalways a lot of banter going between us. I phoned one day and talked to Nick..
'Morning Nick'
'Hello Col, how you doing ?'
'Ok bud, just got a valve in front of me, its got a plate, but no manufacturers name'
'Giz the numbers off it, ill see what I can find'
'Ok, it reads BO, 440, i assume thats the voltage, then CK5.'
'Ok mate, ill have a look and get back to you'

How you write your 4s can have a big impact on how this looks, but hes just written...
'BO440CK5'

TBH, some days, maybe a week or two passed, Id forgotted about it...till the phone rang one day...i answered..
'Morning, its Colin'
'You t055er, ive been searching those numbers all over the ppace, days ive spent on it on and off....i just sat looking at it..the realised..BO440CK5 noooooo, you (expletive deleted)

YESSS

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

I'm over at my parents' home and they are getting ready to go away on Monday, so wanted their suitcases out of the roof. Its one of these trap door loft entrances and my step-father isn't up to climbing steps yet (though his 3rd hip replacement in 10 months is looking like it may have been successful!). My mother is in the kitchen...

Me: So which ones do you want?
SF: the reddish metallic one and the pink flowery one...
Me: OK, here's the reddish metallic one (handing it down), but I can't see a pink flowery one. I've got a blue flowery one and a black flowery one...
SF: No that's not them, your looking for something much bigger
Me: OK, err there's a red one with umm... (trying hard to decide how to describe it) handcuffs, chains and pink leather straps on it.
SF: Can I see it? (pause) Yep that's the one.
Mum yells from the kitchen: it's not handcuffs and chains, it's horsey/pony stuff.
Me: Err, no, that's very definitely a set of handcuffs and there's the key. That's a set of handcuffs on a long chain, that's a long chain and that's definitely a pink leather strap....
Mum comes out of kitchen and I repeat pointing to the 'decoration'.
Mum: No that's pony stuff.
SF is now almost failing to stand up on his 1 crutch from laughing too much
Me placing my hands behind my back and crossing them: Nope, definitely not pony stuff mum, it's missing the black leather corset, the high heeled boots and a bit gag...
Mum: rapidly going very red: I think I am going to need a new suitcase...
SF has now had to retire to the sofa unable to stop laughing.... don't think he has had that much fun for quite some time.

Oh - and this is the some of the suitcase 'decoration' in question...

So does anyone want a new suitcase - I think this one will be homeless by the end of next week.

 

[Maverick Goose]

I hear Christian Grey is looking for a missing suitcase...

 

[Cubist]

Me " I see you've requested I authorise buckle swabs. From his belt or his shoes? "
Hapless detective " cheek swabs Boss. We need his DNA?"
Me "it's b-u-c-c-a-l, from the latin Bucca, of or pertaining to the cheek, or mouth."
H DC "bloody spell check."
Me " you spelled sulcus right though. Latin word meaning ridge or fissure, in this case the crease at the back of the corpus spongeosum."
H DC " I couldn't just type knob though could I?"
Me " or bell end."
H DC " All these Latin words though, just makes it complicated."
Me " Bell end isn't latin though, is it? It's alright for you, I've got to get him to understand it all via a Russian interpreter."
H DC " I forgot to request pubic hair combings and clippings for toxicology."
Me " I hope the interpreter has got her dictionary with her."

 

[Arch]

Volunteer at work: alright, Sue. What you reading?
Me: A book.
Him: yeah I can see that. What is it?
Me: Does it actually make any difference?
Him: no, I suppose not.

This guy just really gets on my nerves, makes my skin crawl. He just watches you, and butts into conversations. And asks pointless questions.

And eats like a pig. So I'm so happy when he plonks himself down next to us at lunchtime. I gather that he's also a pain in the neck as a volunteer, so I'm hoping he won't last long.

Incidentally, the book is a random novel found in the recycling. I've usually got one on the go, gives my brain something non taxing to do while I eat.

 

[Arch]

Thinking about it, I should have just said "War and Peace" and watched his two brain cells implode.

 

[gbb]

Third time unlucky..I've goofed twice, me and my big mouth
With the wife at her friends, drinking tea, i saw a pack of chocolate and said..'we had them, im not a lover of that brand blah blah blah'
The wife testily told me later..'They WERE the ones we had..i could have throttled you'
Oh......

Today, with the Inlaws, we were talking tablets. I got my Galaxy out to compare something..i said...
'notice my pink case, I always get handmedowns '...taking the mickey out of the fact I nearly always get the wifes old case, phone, whatever...
My MIL laughed and said..
'It was ME that gave you that case '

Oh....

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Sitting down to our evening meal last night, rice with homemade 'an indian'... one we have had before and really enjoyed but not our normal 'bung it/what's left at the end of the week' Indian meal

Me: Does it taste OK?
My OH (picking at his food): Not as good as normal, doesn't taste the same
Me: (thinking hard for something to say) that's good.
OH: err why?
Me: It's a different recipe to normal
OH looking happier tucks in with renewed vigour:

Men, 17 years of marriage and I'm still not sure I understand them...

 

[GrasB]

Sitting down to our evening meal last night, rice with homemade 'an indian'... one we have had before and really enjoyed but not our normal 'bung it/what's left at the end of the week' Indian meal

Me: Does it taste OK?
My OH (picking at his food): Not as good as normal, doesn't taste the same
Me: (thinking hard for something to say) that's good.
OH: err why?
Me: It's a different recipe to normal
OH looking happier tucks in with renewed vigour:

Men, 17 years of marriage and I'm still not sure I understand them...

Like my sister, if she's expcting one thing & gets something slightly different it's not as good until you tell her it's different. .. it's all psychological I tell you!

 

[Scoosh]

Men, 17 years of marriage and I'm still not sure I understand them...

Me neither - and I am one ... ... and at 25 years

 

[Arjimlad]

"Please forgive me being blunt but it is the best way to get my message across to you. Say you're a bit hungry and I show you a plate with a nice fresh apple on it, you want the apple, don't you ? Well, how about if someone then puts a turd next to the apple.. kinda puts you off the apple ? The way you're carrying on is like putting the turd next to the apple. Perhaps butt out a bit & let me offer the apple up just as it is, minus your turd ?"

 

[Arch]

Like my sister, if she's expcting one thing & gets something slightly different it's not as good until you tell her it's different. .. it's all psychological I tell you!

I'd have thought that's just a good evolutionary trait. If something doesn't taste how you expect, it's wise to be wary, in case it's bad for you. Once someone you trust tells you it's ok, you're happy.

Apparently, it's common that babies will eat all sorts of food when being weaned, because everything is being offered by the mother or father they trust, and can therefore be assumed to be ok. Once they become toddlers and capable of more independent foraging (if we were still hunter/gatherers), they tend to start to reject food that is bitter, or even just not sweet, because in nature bitter is often poisonous or bad for us, and sweet is associated with good ripe fruit.

 

[Mattonsea]

5 year old daughter " mummy when Lammas grow up do they turn in to Horses"