Give me some dialogue from your day

[BigonaBianchi]

Hello my name is hitesh and i'm going to be helping you today sir is that ok?

I think so

I just need to know the first line of your address and last line and mothers name and number you are calling from and your inside leg measurement and I wish to give you many thanks today sir for calling virgin media

oH OK

jUST SO I CAN UNDERSTAND BETTER WHAT THE PROBLEM IS SIR PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE PROBLEM IS SIR

It's rather simple actually

Please be telling me how simple it is so i can fix it for you sir on behalf of virgin media

Ok well it's like this...the F&%kin wifi keeps crashing and my life is to bloody short to keep calling you every day to give you my inside leg measurement!!!

oh, I am need clarification on what the problem is sir

It's broken...AGAIN...like yesterday, and last week and the weeks before...

Jus tone moment sir I am trying to acertain if it is broken

Trust me, its broken

I am finding that it is broken sir

Well done

Have you been re booting the router as per instructions?

Yes, like I have to every day because its BROKEN!

I am checking you problem and i am finding that it is broken

I'm so pleased we are speaking like this

I am enjoying this conversation to sir thankyou

Will you please fix it now for me?

I am no being able to fix it today sir as it is a fault in this postcode

I know, its the sane fault you havent fixed in 4 months

I am finding it is a engineer fault in this area and they have a report to fix it

Yes, I know, same as last time..but WHEN?????

I am fixing this router via remaotely now sir

Oh Bravo

Please swtich it off and back on again and re booting it

I will but I did that 3 times today already

I am finding this fault is a local area fault sir

You said.. and I am finding all of this totally unnaccptable as I am paying for this bad service while Richard branson sits on his island!!

Please be telling be who Richard branson is sir

....he's your boss

yes indeed I am finding this to be correct

Shall I let him know how useless you are?

I am trying to communicate with engineers

Thankyou

please be turning off you rrouter

I did already

I am finding this to be a local fault

.....line goes dead.




....45minutes later the web is back online.

 

[tiswas-steve]

" But love, in all honestly do you really think I wanna be dragged around shops in Bromley or pedal down to see Chelsea parade the cup ??? "

Some people eh ? [ Shakes head ]

 

[Andrew_Culture]

And it's STILL better than ADSL

 

[MisterStan]

"Where's Abigail?" (pause) "there she is!" - SWMBO to my Daughter on repeat for the last five minutes.

 

[Matthew_T]

At 0930 this morning,on site doing a pre-tender survey....

Client; Can you do the price for the weekend?
Me: This weekend?
Client ; Yes
Me Yes

as I drive back to the office/home I'm thinking
FFS you've had this info since last Tuesday you bastard

You can easily have a price before the tender on certain types of projects. The tender is the final document, you can give a rough estimate of the price before it.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

I give budgetary prices in situations like that to buy time

 

[BigonaBianchi]

It's just not working for me...
I know..me niether

 

[Hover Fly]

Me (examining the engraved penknives Mme HF has ordered for giveaways) I think this ones faulty.
(sees blood) No it isn't.

 

[Cubist]

Me:" Hello, I'm wondering if you could let me have a copy of the document I sent you last month?"
Mysterious Entity from Government Intelligence Agency :" Where did you get this number from?"
Me: "It was on the bottom of the email requesting the document I sent you last month"
Secret Squirrel. "What document?"
Me: "The breakdown of religious establishments on my patch, and the details of their various denominations. You called it a ******* audit."
Spook: "Yes, I know the document, I've got it on the screen. You are?"
Me: "Inspector Cubist. I wrote the document."
Spook. "Your name isn't on it."
Me: "On what? Not on the document? I wrote it .My C drive has been wiped and I lost the original. Could you email me a copy?"
Spook: " No, I meant the authorised circulation list. You don't have clearance."
Me: "Clearance? I wrote the document from information in the public domain gathered by my staff, none of which have even been vetted even to intel standards."
Spook:" But it's classified now that you compiled the list and sent it to us. We've developed the information, and now it's intel.. It's more to do with purpose."
Me: "How have you developed a list of Churches, Gurdwaras and Mosques other than taking my name off the bottom and writing Top F*cking Secret on it?"
Spook. "It's not secret, just sensitive, and there's no need to swear."
Me: "Sorry. (Deep breath) Are you going to send me a copy of the original document that I got my staff to go out into the community and compile, so that I could write them all down in a big list and send to you under protected cover?"
Spook. "No."
Me :"Well, I can sleep safely in my bed knowing that you now know the phone number of the United Reform Church but are guarding it with you life."
Spook."Are you taking the piss?"
Me. "You f*cking started it" *CLICK BUZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

[Dayvo]

Having just moved into a new flat, me and the misses are on the hunt for 'cheapish' white goods (nothing is cheap in Norway).

We agreed on a make of washing machine, for about £350.

Yesterday, in the shop, she sends me an sms and asks if £500 is OK?

I agree (reluctantly) that it is, but that is our limit. She didn't buy yesterday as she needed to return to the shop with various measurements.

Today, I get an sms, that she bought a washing machine, but it was a 'bit' more than expected.

I asked how it could be more than expected when we had agreed yesterday.
'Well, it was on sale for £200 cheaper than the advertised price.'
Yebbut, HOW much was it?
'£700'

So we 'saved' £200 by spending £200 more! FFS - Not happy.

And there goes the bike I was going to buy her on Saturday!

 

[subaqua]

Client Project manager- i need you to finish the lighting on levels 1 and 2 by 2nd June-
Me- haven't had the instruction yet, and we have said we need 3 weeks from when we are instructed as my commercial manager , rightly, says not to proceed without an instruction.
CPM- you do know the olympics happen at the end of July
Me- Yes and perhaps if your commercial manager pulled his finger out of his arris and sent the instruction 3 weeks ago like he said he would the lights would be on site and ready to fit into the ceiling you haven't put back up yet after you ripped the old one down 8 weeks ago.

I am not working anymore weekends or late nights to sort other peoples fook ups .

 

[gbb]

On the end of todays ride, i popped into mum n dads, mum was out at bingo....again . While chatting with dad, he piped up...
'Do you know what i was doing 67 years ago today ? (he's 82)
'Go on then...surprise me'
'I was joing the RAF'
'Bloody hell......67 years ago , thats incredible , where does the time go ?
'I know' said dad..'i asked myself the same question when i realised'

 

[Arch]

Workman at lunchtime "Hi, can you move your... thing, for us to shift a skip?"
Us: "Thing? How dare you! That's Beryl!"
Workman: "Well, I didn't know what to call it....."

(this is Beryl

 

[perplexed]

Me to myself after reading post # 570.

"I wonder if Cubist will now quietly disappear from the forum... and everywhere else..."

 

[Nihal]

Me"what am i doing here?"
Me"Yes yes,very good question"
Me"Good point,i should be studying"
Me"or........getting lost on my road bike"
Me"Damn,thats a good idea,I'll do it right away"