Hip Priest
Veteran
In a pub in Rothbury earlier. A very elderly couple come in. The lady takes a seat, and hubby goes to the bar. When he returns he says "I forgot we were in Yorkshire!" and his wife replied "We're not in Yorkshire you daft bugger."
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Colleague, standing atop the paper skip with a copy of a trashy magazine: Sue?
Me, standing below: Yes?
Colleague: Which of these headlines do you prefer?
Me: Go on...
Colleague: "I'm wearing a dead man's face", "My boobs make driving dangerous", or "I spank men with my Mum".
Me: The last one I think. Is she spanking them in the company of her Mum, or using her Mum as the spanking implement?
Colleague: No idea!
Me, standing below: Yes?
Colleague: Which of these headlines do you prefer?
Me: Go on...
Colleague: "I'm wearing a dead man's face", "My boobs make driving dangerous", or "I spank men with my Mum".
Me: The last one I think. Is she spanking them in the company of her Mum, or using her Mum as the spanking implement?
Colleague: No idea!
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Me to wife...
'The Haro looks nice, alloy frame, good quality...but that single chainring is only a 44...it's too small for you, you'll end up spinning all the time. You know you like high gears'
'That's not too heavy, it is steel, but if you want something lighter, it has to be an alloy frame'
'That one only has six gears and gripshift...why not get something better with triggershifts'
Wife to me..
'You promised not to interfere. You did that last time and i ended up with a good bike...that i don't actually like'
Me...
'The Haro looks nice, alloy frame, good quality...but that single chainring is only a 44...it's too small for you, you'll end up spinning all the time. You know you like high gears'
'That's not too heavy, it is steel, but if you want something lighter, it has to be an alloy frame'
'That one only has six gears and gripshift...why not get something better with triggershifts'
Wife to me..
'You promised not to interfere. You did that last time and i ended up with a good bike...that i don't actually like'
Me...
simon the viking
Guru
This conversation took place today but I get a similiar (not quite as bad) everyday
Customer: can I have some oil for car?
Me: What car is it?
Customer: A Peugeout
Me: What Model is it?
Customer: R reg
Me: R reg what?
Customer: I don't know
Me: Do you know the full reg
Customer: No but I will go and read it off the car
He goes out and comes back in 2 minutes later
Customer: I didn't come in that car.... can't you look up what oil I need on your computer?
Me (politely): No.... have this 10/40 oil
Customer: Is it the right one?
Me: Based on the comprehensive information you've given me....... possibly
He bought the oil and left..... In my defence I think I was very patient and when the car was built in 1997 10/40 was 'the' oil
Customer: can I have some oil for car?
Me: What car is it?
Customer: A Peugeout
Me: What Model is it?
Customer: R reg
Me: R reg what?
Customer: I don't know
Me: Do you know the full reg
Customer: No but I will go and read it off the car
He goes out and comes back in 2 minutes later
Customer: I didn't come in that car.... can't you look up what oil I need on your computer?
Me (politely): No.... have this 10/40 oil
Customer: Is it the right one?
Me: Based on the comprehensive information you've given me....... possibly
He bought the oil and left..... In my defence I think I was very patient and when the car was built in 1997 10/40 was 'the' oil
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
Would that have been 'boobs' as in breasts, or 'boobs' as in mistakes?
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
The wife comes wandering into the living room, with a soapbag she's got out of the suitcases ive just got out of the loft....shes getting stuff ready for the holidays...in two weeks time 
'Hey, look what ive just found in the soadbag side pocket
' she says as she shows me a wad of money..
'..what currency ?'
'Tunisian Dinar...'
'Bugger, you can't exchange them back IIRC, how much is there ?'
'160....I just don't understand how we forgot them'
About 50 or 60 quid... I might donate them to charity...can't see us going back to Tunisia any time soon.
Shame they weren't euros.
'Hey, look what ive just found in the soadbag side pocket
' she says as she shows me a wad of money..'
..what currency ?''Tunisian Dinar...'
'Bugger, you can't exchange them back IIRC, how much is there ?'
'160....I just don't understand how we forgot them'
About 50 or 60 quid... I might donate them to charity...can't see us going back to Tunisia any time soon.
Shame they weren't euros.
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
Driver
"why are you wearing a black shirt?"
Me
"what color is your car?"
Driver
"Black"
"why are you wearing a black shirt?"
Me
"what color is your car?"
Driver
"Black"
After being given a credit card wallet by her grandmother I was driving home with my little girl (4¾) and the conversation went a little like this -
Girl - 'I'm not a boy, why has grandma given me a boys wallet? I'm a girl, I should have a purse'.
Me - 'It's a credit card wallet, it's for putting credit cards in - like the ones I've given you before that I don't use anymore - not for money'.
Girl - 'Oh!'
A couple of minutes pass by.
Girl - 'Dad'
Me - 'Yes, sweetheart'
GIrl - 'I've put a pound coin in the wallet. I got that a bit wrong, didn't I?'
Girl - 'I'm not a boy, why has grandma given me a boys wallet? I'm a girl, I should have a purse'.
Me - 'It's a credit card wallet, it's for putting credit cards in - like the ones I've given you before that I don't use anymore - not for money'.
Girl - 'Oh!'
A couple of minutes pass by.
Girl - 'Dad'
Me - 'Yes, sweetheart'
GIrl - 'I've put a pound coin in the wallet. I got that a bit wrong, didn't I?'
Lanzecki
Über Member
- Location
- A Boreen, Ireland
I took my kids camping for Saturday night. the two youngest (5 and 8 have not been before)
At 10pm, my youngest Princess asks "Daddy, when are we going home, it's getting dark"
Me dreadding the possible tears and screams of "I wanna go home, I want my mummy" replied with
"We are staying here for the night, we'll go home tomorrow"
"Aww, cool. Can I have baked beans and waffles for breakfast"
At 10pm, my youngest Princess asks "Daddy, when are we going home, it's getting dark"
Me dreadding the possible tears and screams of "I wanna go home, I want my mummy" replied with
"We are staying here for the night, we'll go home tomorrow"
"Aww, cool. Can I have baked beans and waffles for breakfast"
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Whenever my older nephew (nearly 6) goes camping with his Dad, the thing he talks about most is having fish and chips for dinner...
swee'pea99
Squire
Reminds me of the time a friend told me she'd just bought a Mini. What kind I asked. A yellow one she said.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
As we ready ourselves for the holiday, various plans are in the air, getting the wife's nails done amongst them. I've booked an extra day to make things easier the day before we go. She says..
'If I'd known, I'd have booked it for the morning (her nails)
'No problem, I will pick you up anyway...mind you can ride there (I said tongue in cheek)
'Actually I could, you could ride there with me but I don't know what you'd do for an hour and a half till I was done'
'....errrr, ride my bike ?'
'If I'd known, I'd have booked it for the morning (her nails)
'No problem, I will pick you up anyway...mind you can ride there (I said tongue in cheek)
'Actually I could, you could ride there with me but I don't know what you'd do for an hour and a half till I was done'
'....errrr, ride my bike ?'
