"a bit down the road was a speed camera van so I trotted down and asked him to park his van so that I could safely Jack the car up and get the old fellow in his way, all done and dusted I jumped in my car car and cleared off." HTH -- easily done !
Was the car not immobilised by the lack of a key ? i.e. still there if you'd gone back ?
I did not discover the keys for another 9 hours, the car was not there this morning, also the police have not had any reports about it.