Horses?

[Abitrary]

Most cows are corn fed these days anyhow so none of this makes any difference.

 

[Chuffy]

No, you wouldn't need that. If you had a long enough line of cows it would be bound to stop in one of them, you'd just need to work out which one it had stopped in, by which was the next one still alive.
IN fact, my you've just highlighted another advantage of my tessellatory cows idea - they would be MUCH easier to slaughter. You could simply fire through their lined up heads - who eats head for god's sake? You could even use a massive long guillotine to decpitate the whole of the front row at once.

Actually, to tessellate cows you'll need to arrange them with their heads side by side but with their bodies alternating left and right. Thusly...

MOOOO>
______<OOOOM
MOOOO>
Etc

Except that, as you have most perspicaciously noted, the head is the narrowest part of a cow, hence they would tessellate quite neatly with the added advantage that their heads are lined up ready for the high-velocity AP bullet.

 

[very-near]

They'll still be able to bend their heads down and eat the grass that they're standing on.
I have thought it through. It relies on movable fences, but they shouldn't be that hard.
So, where were we - yes, after a day you'd be left with a regular array of patches of depleted grass, and lush grass in between. You'd then simply move all the fences so the bits of grass the cows heads were above was an uneaten patch.
They'd be more compressed in sideways than lengthways. They wouldn't be able to move forward or backwards, but only mainly due to friction with the cow either side, but they'd be able to move their head up and down as their head isn't the widest part of their body.

I see a problem with the Uzi idea Bonj. Each cow weighs about 120 stone and can easily out run a man on foot so can probably do about 20mph.
Now there is about 30 cows on the yard where I keep my horses. They are very nervous creatures, and you really have to be careful not to move too quickly near their pen as they will bolt if you scare them.

You would only have to get one shoot off with your Uzi and you then have about 20 tonnes of very scared bovines leaning on the flimsy barbed wire fence at the far end of the field.

I can't see the idea flying bud

 

[Chuffy]

it could be every few hours, the fences could shift automatically on a timer.

But this results in....a line of cows. Moving slowly down an empty field behind a motorised fence.

 

[Chuffy]

I see a problem with the Uzi idea Bonj. Each cow weighs about 120 stone and can easily out run a man on foot so can probably do about 20mph.
Now there is about 30 cows on the yard where I keep my horses. They are very nervous creatures, and you really have to be careful not to move too quickly near their pen as they will bolt if you scare them.

You would only have to get one shoot off with your Uzi and you then have about 20 tonnes of very scared bovines leaning on the flimsy barbed wire fence at the far end of the field.

I can't see the idea flying bud

Ah, but cows will come over and lick you if you lay down in the field. This works. I have tried it.

All you have to do is have your Uzi 9mm concealed in the long grass. You could probably take out several in one go.

 

[Crackle]

Use the fence as a garrot. I mean they'd be use to it moving so they wouldn't notice it quietly garrotting the cows around them. Saves on bullets, which would probably have to come by lorry, too.

 

[bonj2]

I see a problem with the Uzi idea Bonj. Each cow weighs about 120 stone

doesn't matter

and can easily out run a man on foot so can probably do about 20mph.

bollocks can it

Now there is about 30 cows on the yard where I keep my horses. They are very nervous creatures, and you really have to be careful not to move too quickly near their pen as they will bolt if you scare them.

being scared is going to be the least of their worries

You would only have to get one shoot off with your Uzi and you then have about 20 tonnes of very scared bovines leaning on the flimsy barbed wire fence at the far end of the field.

but the point of a machine gun is that the second shot is about 0.00001 of a second after the first. Stand in the middle rotating and spraying and you'll have them all off in no time. Tessellate them all and they'll have nowhere to run anyway...

 

[bonj2]

Use the fence as a garrot. I mean they'd be use to it moving so they wouldn't notice it quietly garrotting the cows around them. Saves on bullets, which would probably have to come by lorry, too.

nah, bullets are small they could be delivered in a van, or even a car. Or even, cycle! In fact, it could be a public duty that cyclists could perform and get paid for. Cyclists riding through countryside could get loaned a free gun at one end of a lane, and hand it in at some point further down the lane, and any cows they see in the field next to the road as they're cycling along, they can just pop them off. Would double up as a way of dealing with stray sheep in the middle of the road as well.

 

[Joe24]

Just have a very high voltage going through the fence. So when you shoot some, and the rest run to the fence, they hit and fence and are killed by the voltage, or stunned ready to be lined up and shot.

 

[bonj2]

Use the fence as a garrot. I mean they'd be use to it moving so they wouldn't notice it quietly garrotting the cows around them. Saves on bullets, which would probably have to come by lorry, too.

Yes, that would be fine for the first row. But the second row would have their arses facing it, not their heads. IF you can think of way of turning them round, I think that's how the plan needs to develop,.

 

[Chuffy]

bollocks can it

Yes it can.

I reckon a scared Friesian could easily manage 20mph in short bursts.

 

[bonj2]

But this results in....a line of cows. Moving slowly down an empty field behind a motorised fence.

no, the whole field of cows would have to move.

FENCE A
_______
F |CCCCC|
E |CCCCC|
N |CCCCC|
C |CCCCC|
E |CCCCC|
_______
FENCE B


now, Fence A moves south, and Fence B moves south with it. Therefore all the cows have to move?

 

[Crackle]

Yes, that would be fine for the first row. But the second row would have their arses facing it, not their heads. IF you can think of way of turning them round, I think that's how the plan needs to develop,.

Yeh but the garrot would be at head height not arse height. Anyway you just use one of those tethered balloons with a speaker on to make a loud moo. They all look up and along comes the garrot - simples.

 

[bonj2]

Yes it can.

I reckon a scared Friesian could easily manage 20mph in short bursts.

well, that's a special sort of cow. anyhow it doesn't really matter.

 

[bonj2]

Just have a very high voltage going through the fence. So when you shoot some, and the rest run to the fence, they hit and fence and are killed by the voltage, or stunned ready to be lined up and shot.

yep - excellent idea. Going by that, you woudln't even need to actually shoot ANY, just stand in the middle of the field shooting into the air to scare them and they would all radiate, crashing into the fence and getting killed at precisely the same time.
This would also solve the bullet problem.