Horses?

[Chuffy]

no, the whole field of cows would have to move.

FENCE A
_______
F |CCCCC|
E |CCCCC|
N |CCCCC|
C |CCCCC|
E |CCCCC|
_______
FENCE B


now, Fence A moves south, and Fence B moves south with it. Therefore all the cows have to move?

Please, no rising Antipodean intonations on this thread or I'll have you flogged.

Look, fool, your plan means that only the cows in Row E get a meal. The other cows end up with cow poo and trampled mud. Plus, they all get covered in wee from the cow in front.

 

[Chuffy]

well, that's a special sort of cow. anyhow it doesn't really matter.

Bullocks it is! It's yer bog-standard black and white cow. The kind called Daisy.

 

[bonj2]

Yeh but the garrot would be at head height not arse height. Anyway you just use one of those tethered balloons with a speaker on to make a loud moo. They all look up and along comes the garrot - simples.

Oh, you mean a garrot above all the cows?
Good idea, but (a) getting the balloon to fly at the correct height would be tricky, and ( wouldn't the garrot knock the balloon out of flight, (c) what if one of the cows managed to actually eat the balloon or the speaker - it might not be quick enough to fly away.

 

[Chuffy]

yep - excellent idea. Going by that, you woudln't even need to actually shoot ANY, just stand in the middle of the field shooting into the air to scare them and they would all radiate, crashing into the fence and getting killed at precisely the same time.
This would also solve the bullet problem.

Look, you're assuming that the cows will scatter and radiate in a regular formation. This is real life, not a Busby Berkeley dance routine, 'k? In Real Life(tm) what will happen is that you stand in the middle firing into the air. Some cows will make it to the fence, but the momentum of 120 stone of frightened pot-roast will smash through the fence, thus unleashing the slower cows into the surrounding countryside.

 

[Chuffy]

I'm going to sneak into your bedroom and hide a cow in your wardrobe.

 

[bonj2]

Please, no rising Antipodean intonations on this thread or I'll have you flogged.

Look, fool, your plan means that only the cows in Row E get a meal. The other cows end up with cow poo and trampled mud. Plus, they all get covered in wee from the cow in front.

NO. Look. Think of it geometrically. Let's measure the height up the field in cow lengths, for simplicity, so the table of arse position and head position is as thus:
row, head position, arse position
A, 0.0, 1.0
B, 2.0, 1.0
C, 2.0, 3.0
D, 4.0, 3.0
E, 4.0, 5.0

after the first cycle, there's going to be shoot at positions 1.0, 3.0 and 5.0 cow lengths.
But then the fences move by 0.2 cow lengths north, so, say, the positions are now thus:
row , head position, arse position,
A, 0.2 , 1.2
B, 2.2 , 1.2
C, 2.2 , 3.2
D, 4.2 , 3.2
E, 4.2 , 5.2

so no cow's head is at a position which has been shat on?

 

[bonj2]

Look, you're assuming that the cows will scatter and radiate in a regular formation. This is real life, not a Busby Berkeley dance routine, 'k? In Real Life(tm) what will happen is that you stand in the middle firing into the air. Some cows will make it to the fence, but the momentum of 120 stone of frightened pot-roast will smash through the fence, thus unleashing the slower cows into the surrounding countryside.

but it will be electrocuted, so it won't make it THAT far past the fence, on account of the fact that it'll have recently become dead.

 

[Chuffy]

but it will be electrocuted, so it won't make it THAT far past the fence, on account of the fact that it'll have recently become dead.

But it will take the fence down. If sheep can lay down on cattle grids while their friends cross, I don't see why one brave cow can't take one for the team and breach that goddamn fence.

 

[Chuffy]

NO. Look. Think of it geometrically. Let's measure the height up the field in cow lengths, for simplicity, so the table of arse position and head position is as thus:
row, head position, arse position
A, 0.0, 1.0
B, 2.0, 1.0
C, 2.0, 3.0
D, 4.0, 3.0
E, 4.0, 5.0

after the first cycle, there's going to be shoot at positions 1.0, 3.0 and 5.0 cow lengths.
But then the fences move by 0.2 cow lengths north, so, say, the positions are now thus:
row , head position, arse position,
A, 0.2 , 1.2
B, 2.2 , 1.2
C, 2.2 , 3.2
D, 4.2 , 3.2
E, 4.2 , 5.2

so no cow's head is at a position which has been shat on?

No, because the movement of the cows' hooves (note correct use of apostrophe-? will spread the poo and stir it into a horrid poo porridge which will cover the ground behind the front row.

 

[Chuffy]

Is that a faint 'mooooo' I hear coming from the corner of your room?

 

[Joe24]

yep - excellent idea. Going by that, you woudln't even need to actually shoot ANY, just stand in the middle of the field shooting into the air to scare them and they would all radiate, crashing into the fence and getting killed at precisely the same time.
This would also solve the bullet problem.

Just scare them enough so they run to the fence and touch it. Then no need for any shooting. So no need for bullets to be transported around the country when theres really no need.

 

[very-near]

but it will be electrocuted, so it won't make it THAT far past the fence, on account of the fact that it'll have recently become dead.

I use electric fencing from time to time. Now when an animal gets a zap, it jumps back. If the cows are touching each other then they all get a zap as the power runs though their hooves to ground especially if it is covered in a wet sloppy dollop - and then proceed to plough through any fence arrangement in place whether electrified or not.

These are big powerful animals and you won't stop a stampede of them in a confined space once they get rolling.

 

[bonj2]

But it will take the fence down. If sheep can lay down on cattle grids while their friends cross, I don't see why one brave cow can't take one for the team and breach that goddamn fence.

fine - you've answered your own question! have an electric cattle grid!

 

[bonj2]

I use electric fencing from time to time. Now when an animal gets a zap, it jumps back. If the cows are touching each other then they all get a zap as the power runs though their hooves to ground especially if it is covered in a wet sloppy dollop - and then proceed to plough through any fence arrangement in place whether electrified or not.

These are big powerful animals and you won't stop a stampede of them in a confined space once they get rolling.

yeah but your typical electric fence is,what, 20-odd volts? I'm talking a few KILO volts. Enough to fry 'em stone dead.

 

[Joe24]

yeah but your typical electric fence is,what, 20-odd volts? I'm talking a few KILO volts. Enough to fry 'em stone dead.

Exacty. More power the better. Have a cow roasting just as its dead. Think how nice the meat could be!