Is it ok to have a cycling buddy from the opposite sex?

[summerdays]

I have a long standing platonic single male friend. I don't know if it helps that he is a friend to both myself and Mr Summerdays.

I think it is a bit unfair to assume that everyone who isn't married and is friends with you, actually wants to have a different type of relationship with you instead.

 

[Norm]

Your wife has trust issues, there could be many reasons for this.. Rational or irrational we'll never know. If you love her like you should do you'll be emotionally sensitive enough to work them through.

I should follow up my earlier post in this thread by saying that my wife's concerns with me taking a pillion were even more of a surprise to her than they were to me.

I get to do so much with people of both, either or neither gender (boats, pubs, clubs, dinner, gigs, cycling, photography, including using my wife's friends as models...) that she didn't, at first, realise why she didn't like me taking a female pillion.

 

[subaqua]

similar story here but in my other hobby. have several female buddies. wifey was concerned at first but a few trips and meeting the buddies she knew there was nothing extra going on.
her words were, you go away diving with them but come back to me.

 

[DiddlyDodds]

Is it ok to have a cycling buddy from the opposite sex?

Me - Yea no problem
The wife - Not a fat chance in hell

 

[Peteaud]

I was wondering, if i took up swinging, and Mrs Aud didnt want to go, could i go with a female friend?

 

[MattHB]

my OH would have no problem whatsoever, shed just be glad I had found a like minded friend. It would be no different to any of my other like minded friends that I ride with.

 

[Sandra6]

My occasional cycling buddy is a male workmate, it'd be difficult not to cycle with him sometimes, if we're on the same shift we go home at the same time and in the same direction. I could always give him a ten minute headstart I suppose.

 

[CopperCyclist]

SatNav got it bang on - its all about trust, and it goes both ways. There would be no issue with my wife and I either way round - however I have a colleague whose partner hates him even being near a female, be it at work or socially, and actively tries to prevent it. Everytime we are out he gets endless phone calls 'checking up'. Weirdly, I don't feel sorry for him because I saw it as something that needed 'correcting' at the start of their relationship, which he never did - he just put up with it and it got worse. Don't get me wrong, they are 'happy' together - but I don't think I could be.

 

[Dave 123]

Has anyone suggested a 3some yet? you could get a bike like the goodies....
A mate of mine has a riding buddy (pun intended), she has the body of a super model and rides as hard and fast as any bloke. I went with them once and enjoyed sitting on her back wheel. My mates wife was the original friend of hers and when she said "I'd like to give cycling a go..." she told her to go out with her husband. Now I think she wishes she hadn't. After the ride We went round there for a meal that evening and he was all "Doris* this" and "Doris* that...." I think the food could have been cooked with the steam coming from his wifes ears!

*Names have been changed to protect *Doris

 

[Alan57]

In an ideal world we all should be able to be friends with whomsoever we choose ,but that isn`t always possible. My partner has a male friend she goes for walks with and has known for a few years . I`ve no problem with it and it comes down to trust as well as knowing your partner loves you. However, if your wife/partner is not happy then you are on an uphill struggle ,as if you go for anymore rides with the other person you are going to aggravate the situation. You can talk to your other half and explain that it`s a friend to cycle with but, if she`s not happy and really against it , then you need to stop and think about is the problem worth it because it won`t get any better. I myself have been lucky , i`ve always had a lot of female friends and it`s never been a problem for the women in my life.

 

[Chris.IOW]

I used to have a female cycling buddy who I often went off for day rides with, not so much now because she has moved onto other activities, my girlfriend never had an issue with it, but I guess that was probably because we had been friends before I met my Girlfriend, I could imagine introducing a new female cycling friend now might cause a few concerned looks!

I guess as others say, if your partners not happy with it, you have to decide if it's worth the grief this could cause.

 

[sabian92]

I think if your wife or husband is not happy with you sharing a completely non-sexual activity with anybody regardless of gender you need to have a serious look at your relationship and the apparent lack of trust.

I don't care what my fiancee does with whoever - as long as she's not shagging somebody behind my back, why is it any of my business what she does? I wouldn't care if she went cycling with a man or swimming with a woman or anything in between - I trust her. Apparently some wives don't trust their husband in this thread it seems...

 

[Boris Bajic]

This thread has made fascinating reading, though I oughtn't admit it.

For those of us in middle age as I am, there has been a sharp and unusual change in family structure since childhood.

When I was at school I had one classmate whose parents were not together. I was brought up by a sigle father, but he'd been widowed not divorced.

By contrast, my children are/were at school with countless other pupils (the majority in some classes) who divide their lives between parents who live apart. A common retort when enquiries were made about a football or rugby match were "I'm at my mum's, so I can't play".

I have a niece and nephew who live almost as if from a suitcase between mother's house and father's. Countless hours are spend driving the sprogs between remarried parents in their new homes. We time our journeys to their part of the world to coincide with 'dad time' as the mother is not a nice piece of work and wouldn't welcome a visit from our children anyway.

There are even children among our kids' peers whose parents have re-married, re-sprogged and re-divorcd, so the merry-go-round for shared custody becomes a blur of headlights, teddies left at the wrong house, awkward doorstep meetings and a cacophony of car-door slams.

I am not at all surprised to hear that someone is nervous and /or suspicious about a spouse who cycles with a potential rival. We may be becoming a culture of selfish, self-obsessed, sexually incontinent thrill-seekers.

But on the other hand we may not... I am not an expert.

Thank for listening.

 

[Nebulous]

Any fans of Pulp Fiction on here?

I refer you to the discussion about what a foot massage means.

This reminds me, it's time I watched it again.

 

[Norm]

I think if your wife or husband is not happy with you sharing a completely non-sexual activity with anybody regardless of gender you need to have a serious look at your relationship and the apparent lack of trust.

I don't agree with this. There is, IMO, a vast gulf between whether or not it is acceptable to ride with someone else and the sort of jealousy which might require someone to "need to have a serious look at your relationship and the apparent lack of trust".

Aside from the fact that some people might have had issues with partners in their past or genuine mental health issues, there are many reasons why a partner might be uncomfortable which might be completely unrelated to jealousy.

To be honest, if my wife was unhappy with me doing something and I thought for one second that it meant I had to have a serious look at my marriage, I'd be wondering whether I shouldn't be having a look at my marriage anyway.