Is it ok to have a cycling buddy from the opposite sex?

[Herbie]

Although it was chucking it down this afternoon, managed a cycle. Was supposed to go with a workmate and her two friends (one male and the other female) but my workmate and the bloke chickened out because of the weather. I met up with the other person at the arranged time and we decided to go for it as we'd both managed to clear some ride time with our other halves. Was a great ride and was cool to get to know someone new...at the end of the ride we went our separate ways both saying it would be great to go out again (completely innocently btw)
Didn't think any thing of it until I got home and was telling the wife about the ride...oh dear! She's really not happy that I went riding with 'another woman'...even though my wife wouldn't be seen dead riding a bike!!! I explained how innocent it was but she's still not a happy camper and even less so at the thought that I might go out with her again...
Is it acceptable or not???

I'd like a cycling buddy of opposite sex...where do you get them? i'm recentiy single so i would'nt get any grief

 

[Big boy]

is this new cycling buddy nice lookin, any pics lol.
Only you can decide but keep us posted.
Thing is your wife could turn things around by hangin out with another bloke, how would you react??

 

[Peteaud]

Ok just to throw a bit of what if into the pot.

Would you mind if your wife went cycling with a lesbian?

Would she mind if you went cycling with a gay man?

My point is that the lady friend in question is being viewed as a sex object. I have many female friends, i dont want to jump into bed with them, i have Mrs Aud and she is all i need / want.

 

[defy-one]

are you gay???? joking

 

[sabian92]

I don't agree with this. There is, IMO, a vast gulf between whether or not it is acceptable to ride with someone else and the sort of jealousy which might require someone to "need to have a serious look at your relationship and the apparent lack of trust".
Aside from the fact that some people might have had issues with partners in their past or genuine mental health issues, there are many reasons why a partner might be uncomfortable which might be completely unrelated to jealousy.
To be honest, if my wife was unhappy with me doing something and I thought for one second that it meant I had to have a serious look at my marriage, I'd be wondering whether I shouldn't be having a look at my marriage anyway.

Not at all - if your wife doesn't trust you enough with somebody else there is only one thing going through her head - infidelity. If you can't be trusted to ride a bike with a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your fancy) then why would you want to continue like that?

I've had issues with relationships in the past - I've been hurt, cheated on and everything else but I don't let it affect my current relationship. I don't see why somebody else should suffer for my previous problems - my fiancee trusts me, I trust her. End of the day - I've had relationships with both men and women, does that mean I shouldn't be trusted with anybody? That's a ridiculous thing to consider.

I understand people have problems but you can't taint your current wife/husband/partner etc with the same brush. Just because Johnny cheated on you and fleeced you of your life savings, doesn't mean Jimmy will.

 

[Peteaud]

are you gay???? joking

Chase me

 

[Norm]

Not at all - if your wife doesn't trust you enough with somebody else there is only one thing going through her head - infidelity. If you can't be trusted to ride a bike with a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your fancy) then why would you want to continue like that?.

Must it be about trust? I thought I'd been clear enough but there are many other reasons.

I've had issues with relationships in the past - I've been hurt, cheated on and everything else but I don't let it affect my current relationship. I don't see why somebody else should suffer for my previous problems - my fiancee trusts me, I trust her. End of the day - I've had relationships with both men and women, does that mean I shouldn't be trusted with anybody? That's a ridiculous thing to consider.

So you've had no mental health issues. Rather than considering them to be ridiculous, can I suggest you give thanks to whatever deity you choose and hope that you or your partners never do experience them.

 

[Easytigers]

No pics I'm afraid...She is pretty and is in very good shape but...not on my agenda at all...seriously. Most of my rides have been solo over the last couple of months...so the miles just flew by with someone to talk to. Actually not sure how I would feel if my wife was out with a 'fit' bloke...but hope I would be ok

 

[mattobrien]

She is pretty and is in very good shape

Problem solved. With that description there are surely to be a number of local, or possibly not so local CCer's who will offer to join your rides with her, to help ensure that you aren't alone / your good lady wife has no room for concern.

 

[sabian92]

Must it be about trust? I thought I'd been clear enough but there are many other reasons.
So you've had no mental health issues. Rather than considering them to be ridiculous, can I suggest you give thanks to whatever deity you choose and hope that you or your partners never do experience them.

Well, yeah, relationships are nothing without trust. Why marry somebody you can't trust to be on their own? What's the point in being married? If you don't trust them they just turn into a long term 1 night stand.

I have had (and have) mental health issues, I just try my best to not let them affect my relationships. Why should I let my own problems cause issue with somebody else? I'm being treated for depression, but do I give up and let it rule and ruin what I have? No, I put up with the fact some days are shitter than others and get on with it.

 

[hobbitonabike]

When I was running I ran with my brother in law and another guy I know through our kids who was training for Ironman UK and was helping me out with my training for a half marathon. On the flip side mu uubby would run with women from work. There were never any issues on either side. We trust each other and you could say if it's gonna happen then it will happen anyway. Especially if you cling on with a nagging paranoid attitude...you will push them away.

 

[Norm]

Well, yeah, relationships are nothing without trust. Why marry somebody you can't trust to be on their own? What's the point in being married?

You misunderstand me, I'll try again but I feel you are doing it intentionally as I've said it a number of ways.

Why are you saying that the partner not wanting you to ride with a particular person must be because she doesn't trust you? Are there no other circumstances that you can imagine your fiancée would ask you not to ride with someone?

 

[sabian92]

You misunderstand me, I'll try again but I feel you are doing it intentionally as I've said it a number of ways.

Why are you saying that the partner not wanting you to ride with a particular person must be because she doesn't trust you? Are there no other circumstances that you can imagine your fiancée would ask you not to ride with someone?

I'm sorry if you feel I was doing it intentionally - not the case although I can see how it could be misconstrued.

I suppose there are other factors like they don't like the other person etc - but if it was a case of "No, you're not riding with Sally because I don't trust you" then there are serious issues that need to be addressed. I'll be honest, if my other half said that to me - I'd go and do it anyway. Not to be defiant or anything, but I'm an adult - I don't need permission like a little kid to go and do or not do something. Just as she is free to do what she likes. I can tell her I don't agree with it or I'd rather she didn't but ultimately if you stop them from doing things it's only a matter of time before they realise how controlling you and divorce you.

Bit morbid now but I'll say it anyway - You only live life once. Why waste it married to somebody who controls your every move? Get out there, enjoy yourself and bollocks to the rest of them. If it makes them unhappy, well, it's your life and not theirs.

 

[MrJamie]

It doesn't have to be about trust, your wife can trust implicitly that you would never cheat on her and still feel uncomfortable that you have another woman you share your free time and favourite hobby with, another woman who gets part of your life she can't relate to and understands part of you she can't. Some would be bothered, some wouldn't, but with all the compromise in a relationship I don't think its the biggest issue to worry about.

I don't see a problem with a platonic relationship though, so long as its not upsetting any other halves.

 

[Crankarm]

No pics I'm afraid...She is pretty and is in very good shape but...not on my agenda at all...seriously. Most of my rides have been solo over the last couple of months...so the miles just flew by with someone to talk to. Actually not sure how I would feel if my wife was out with a 'fit' bloke...but hope I would be ok

Come spring when the lambs and bunny wabbits are out go for a nice gentle 50 miler with your new female friend, find a nice lush field and in a gentle knoll amongst the spring flowers both get your Lyrca off and shag each other senseless. You can then finish your ride and go your separate ways. If on your return home your wifey remarks that you look shattered tell her it was the first 100 miler you have done and despite you and your female friend being experienced and fit cyclists you both bonked.