Know anything about dementia

[Fletch456]

I've an elderly couple as neighbours and she was recently diagnosed with dementia. He's a nice bloke and I like to chat with him every now and then and I was curious....

Is there anything that can be done for dementia or does it simply get progressively worse and take it's own course?

 

[wildjetskier]

An aunty of mine had Alzheimers, a form of dementia, and as far as I have learnt there is no cure as such and is a progressive illness. I only saw her twice whilst she had the illness and was very hard and heart wrenching, but the best bit of advice I received was to treat her as yo would want to be treated. It's hard bud but be there as a support network and it will mean the world. Have a look at this link http://www.alzheimers.org.uk,

 

[vernon]

It's an unstoppable degenerative disease

There can be moments of hilarity which can temporarily alleviate the despair - I once drove my mother in law back to Sussex where she was living with my sister in law. During the journey from Leeds I could detect a change in the dynamics of her her responses during our chat. By the time we'd reached Sussex I'd ceased to be the son in law and had become a 'charming young man' who'd driven the taxi such a long way and deserved a generous tip. What made it even funnier is that when in sound mind, she hated my guts.

 

[Red Light]

Not much that can be done although exercise both mental and physical are believed to slow its progression. It will get pretty intense for him and she will most probably end up in care so having someone there that can support him and provide respite care would help a lot. Its difficult to watch the personality of someone you know and love disintegrate slowly in front of you, often not knowing who you are and being quite aggressive/hurtful but then interspersed with moments of lucidity when the person you knew peeks through again.

 

[Fletch456]

Dear All, Sorry for the delay in replying. You've confirmed what I thought may be the case though I wasn't entirely sure, hence the question. So I will make a point of saying hello and having a chat with him as I've increasingly made a point of doing. And won't take anything she does or says out of the ordinary personally.or try not to be shocked by it as I was a while ago but that was the first time.

 

[Red Light]

Dear All, Sorry for the delay in replying. You've confirmed what I thought may be the case though I wasn't entirely sure, hence the question. So I will make a point of saying hello and having a chat with him as I've increasingly made a point of doing. And won't take anything she does or says out of the ordinary personally.or try not to be shocked by it as I was a while ago but that was the first time.

The best thing you and he can do is to remember its not her but the disease speaking.

 

[swee'pea99]

This came up at book club t'other night, and someone mentioned http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0091901812/?tag=googhydr-21&hvadid=4432240383&ref=pd_sl_9fz8onz2gd_b

I can't recommend it as such - never read it - but it seems to get a broad thumbs up on amazon.

 

[Milemuncher]

http://www.amazon.co...sl_9fz8onz2gd_b[/url]

I can't recommend it as such - never read it - but it seems to get a broad thumbs up on amazon.

Having lost my Mum and two aunts to dementia I can say the 'contented demented' approach has much to offer. However, no two cases seem to be the same in my limited experience and only one thing seems to be the same when helping. Learn to be patient and remember the bad stuff comes from the condition and the good stuff lies in the sufferer as they always were. If you can distract them with a kindness, a cuddle or a laugh to keep them from their fears and worries for a while you are doing a world of good.

 

[Fletch456]

If you can distract them with a kindness, a cuddle or a laugh to keep them from their fears and worries for a while you are doing a world of good.

Whats it like for the sufferer? In the early to mid stages say, how do they experience it? Not the cuddle, the distraction but you comment about fears and worries made me ask that.

 

[Milemuncher]

Whats it like for the sufferer? In the early to mid stages say, how do they experience it? Not the cuddle, the distraction but you comment about fears and worries made me ask that.

Fletch, I don't want to set myself up as any sort of expert, but again from the wee bit of experience i have, the sufferer at the early stages may be self aware enough to be aware that they are increasingly forgetful and may be frightened by thoughts of what is happening to them and why and where it may lead to. In my mum's case this did not appear to be true, but one aunt was deeply frustrated by what she could no longer do for herself and what she referred to as her loss of control over her life and affairs. She would say that her whole life and work as a health visitor had been about taking charge of situations and she came to hate the fact that she had to depend on others. She was deeply fearful of in her own words getting to a point where she would not know who we were. She would joke grimly that one day she would be asking who she was not who we were. Luckily she never quite got to that point.

Being with my mum in the latter stages of her illness made you very aware of how confused she was and how frightening the world was once she could not make sense of it for herself. She could not go out for a walk in her own home town as she could not find her way home. She could not remember where she was if we went out for a coup of tea. She could not remember why she no longer lived in her own home. She could not remember that my dad had died and she had lived alone for years. She would constantly worry about making his tea and why he had not come home. In short, she needed constant and repeated explanations of just about every aspect of her daily life and routine.

That is one of the lessons we learned quickly being with her. You don't have to get annoyed by the same question being asked 10 times in 10 minutes. You just answer kindly and with a smile. You don't even have to invent a different answer - your first reply will have been forgotten and can be repeated. But if you can tell stories and come with some visual aide to distract enough to get off the questions then its so much better for both parties. For both my mum and aunts dogs and cats were the best visitors! They would play with them for hours at a time. Getting them onto 'the old days' was always a winner too. Bringing up past holidays, or trip or events with photos or souvenirs used to work for us. Anything that kept them engaged and in the company rather than in their own heads worked for all concerned. Luckily my mum never lost her sense of fun and was always up for a laugh, when her circumstances allowed.

In the earlier days with each aunt and my mum we started keeping a notebook/diary of what had gone on in their days. We wrote up each visit or outing and encouraged everyone else to do the same. So each visitor could refer to the book and see what else had happened - giving us things to talk about. We also put up lists for my mum to keep for herself in the early days - things she needed or wanted bought e.g.

Its not a disease to wish on anyone, but its not immediately the end of the world either, and its an opportunity to help a bit while its possible.

I wish I was offering advice on puncture repair - but I am rubbish at that!

I hope some of this helps. Norman

 

[Chilternrides]

Once more, only personal family experiences to draw on; in simple terms, the early stages tend to go unnoticed, as were are all apt to be clumsy, repetetive or forgetful from time to time. A little later mood swings, if they occur, are by nature unpredictable and can be in turn, frightening, amusing, and sometimes very deflating; in my experience this goes for both the sufferer and those around him / her.

"The contented demented" referred to earlier in the thread can be hard to take for the observer - it took quite a while for us to stop correcting my Nan all the time, and to accept that if in her mind it was 1936 and "Michael will be home from work soon and expecting his tea," then it was and he would be.

We found that constant corrections only led to added confusion and sometimes unwinnable arguments; a tough subject.

At the risk of being shot down, I did once ask if the "contented demented" situation was maybe a part of nature's defence mechanism, shutting a part of cognitive conciousness down ahead of approaching death. Understandably, it wasn't well received by some, but it was a thought that crossed my mind when faced with some close family members suffering from it.

My last comments are not intended to offend or upset, so I sincerely hope they have not.

 

[subaqua]

make sure he gets as much help as possible from the local health authority.



my mum started suffering years ago and I noticed something was not right at Easter 2005. my dad battled on and nearly put himself in an early grave. mum got to a point where she tried to stab the burglar( my dad) in september 2007. We got help then and she was sectioned for her safety ( and that of my dad) since then she has been in care full time and my dad looks his age rather than 30 years older.


there are not many lucid moments know and i can't be sure she even knows who I am . I just want my mum back but i know its not going to happen.