Lance... there can't be many people in the world who can split public opinion so widely. Both loved and admired by many who have taken a passing glance at the enigma while he dominated our minority sport, or who were naively taken in by his sporting and life achievements, yet despised unfortunately by the few who have actually spent time looking at the real picture.
I'm so desperately torn by the whole issue. I came to cycling relatively late. I therefore only watched my first tour 4 years ago in 2009, and loved the spectacle. I enjoyed it so much I started researching past tours and spent hours watching documentaries on youtube. Lance immediately became a hero of mine. It's an incredible story, the tours he was involved in had so much drama, right from the beginning and the sad death of Casartelli, and the heroic solo stage win two days later, the cancer story, the comeback, right up to 2005. The battles with Ulrich, the big german bully versus the american Joe, it was like a camp, lycra clad version of Band of Brothers. I bought his book. I even wore a yellow wristband for a few months, but unfortunately just like the man who inspired them, it withered and broke, and became discarded like Lance surely will now.
I defended Lance to all my non-cyclist friends. I, like many, convinced myself that his was a genuine miracle, I believed what he wanted me to believe. Then I read a thread on this very forum. I saw the strength of feeling against him by my peers, by guys whose posts I respect and trust. Then I read the evidence against him, and one interview in particular with an Australian doctor who has committed his career to the prevention of doping and unmasking of the drug cheats.
I actually just spent 10 minutes finding the link for anyone who's interested, because for me it was what opened my eyes:
http://nyvelocity.com/content/interviews/2009/michael-ashenden
I honestly felt sick to the stomach after I'd read it all. Like when you find out someone close has cheated or lied to you, only this is worse. He hasn't just cheated for his own glory, he's betrayed everyone who's ever laid their trust out there especially those who were sick and dying.
Now I know people will say that maybe this wasn't a bad thing. Maybe the hope and strength he gave to some is a good thing, and that he doped at a time when the vast majority doped, so was his advantage all that great? I think I'd actually have more sympathy for that argument than his actual claim of innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence, and the fact that every time he sits there and says he's never touched the stuff it rubs in the hurt that little bit more.
Yet despite all this, I still somehow manage to find a shred of sympathy. When I first found the sport this man (thankfully amongst others) inspired me to get out and ride. There's a well known Lance Armstrong montage on youtube set to a coldplay track that whenever I hear now can't help but want to get on the bike and pedal as hard as I can. Despite my strength of feeling I can still watch the very same clips of those tours and feel just as drawn to them, the drama still encapsulates me, I still admire his riding on those stages. But when I see him sat in a press conference with pathetic lies spilling from his lips I feel dead. Absolutely nothing. So it's this conflict I have that makes this whole issue so difficult. Lance Armstrong the rider versus Lance Armstrong the man.
Let him keep his tours, they're all tainted but so were most of the peleton. Lets just hope that this news today is his first step backwards away from the limelight, and lets hope he takes a few more and keeps whatever scraps of dignity he has left. Let us talk about the new heroes that this year alone the tour and the olympics has created. They're the future, and they're who we should be focusing our column inches on.