Let's have a chuckle-: your favourite limericks please!

[Fnaar]

There was a young poet called Dan
Whose poetry just didn't scan.
When asked why 'twas so,
He said "I don't know"
"But perhaps it's because I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can"

There was a young man from Dundee
Who got stung on the nose by a wasp.
When asked if it hurt
He said "Not a bit"
"It can do it again if it likes".

edit... tdrinka.... great minds, and all that!

 

[betty swollocks]

There was a young man called Bright,
Who could cycle faster than light.
He went out one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night.

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

There once was a man called Reg
Who went with a girl in a hedge
Along came his wife
With a big carving knife
And cut off his meat and two veg


I'll get my coat.

 

[Fixedwheelnut]

There was a young man from Westphalia
who painted his arse like a dhalia
The picture was fine
it looked quite divine
but the aroma, well that was a failure.

 

[Abitrary]

A flea and a fly in a flue,
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly "let us flee",
"Let us fly!", said the flea.
So they found a flap in the flue, and flew away. Phew!

 

[theclaud]

One of Humphrey Lyttleton's if I remember rightly:

There was a young girl named Miss Coleshill
Who chanced to alight on a mole's hill.
The inquisitive mole
Stuck his nose up her hole.
Miss Coleshill's alright, but the mole's ill.

 

[TVC]

How could I forget this one from Kenny Everett:

When Lady Penelope swoons
Her bossoms pop out like balloons.
The butler comes by,
With a glint in his eye,
And slips them back in with warm spoons.


OK, so who's now off to Youtube to search on KE?

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Courtesy of "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue" from Radio 4 ...

My anorak was Idi Amin's
My jacket was HM the Queen's
My new Wonderbra
Once belonged to the Sha
And these are Roy Hattersley's Jeans.