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Let's have a chuckle-: your favourite limericks please!

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by betty swollocks, 23 Apr 2008.

  1. betty swollocks

    betty swollocks large member

    I love limericks me: they can be so deliciously bawdy and yet at the same time, so entirely innocent.

    Some favourites of mine:-

    There was a young lady named Ransome,
    Who was ravished three times in a hansom.
    As she cried out for more,
    A voice from the floor groaned.
    "Lady, the name's Simpson not Samson!"

    There was a young man called Denzil
    Whose dick was as sharp as a pencil.
    It went through an actress
    Two sheets and a mattress
    And shattered a bedroom utensil.

    There once was plumber named Lee
    Who plumbed his girl by the sea.
    Said the girl, "Someone's coming."
    Said the plumber still plumbing,
    "That's not someone coming, it's me!"

    There once was a lady of Chichester
    Who made all the saints in their niches stir.
    One morning at matins
    Her breasts in white satins
    Made the Bishop of Chichester's britches stir

    Other contributions please!
     
  2. tdr1nka

    tdr1nka Taking the biscuit

    There was an old man from Devises,
    Who's b*lls were both different sizes.
    One was quite small and did nothing at all,
    And the other was large and won prizes.
     
  3. red_tom

    red_tom New Member

    Location:
    East London
    The was a young man from Madras,
    Who's b*lls were made of brass.
    In windy weather,
    They clanged together
    and sparks shot up his a*se.
     
  4. twentysix by twentyfive

    twentysix by twentyfive Clinging on tightly

    Location:
    Over the Hill
    There was a young lady from Gloster
    My God we thought we had lost her
    We found in the grass
    The imprint of her ass
    And the knees of the man that had crossed her
     
  5. Horace Goes Skiing

    Horace Goes Skiing New Member

    There was a young lady called Jill
    Who tried dynamite for a thrill
    They found her vagina
    In North Carolina
    And bits of her tits in Brazil
     
  6. TVC

    TVC Living La Mala Vida

    There was a young man from Dunglass
    Who had two balls made of brass
    In windy weather
    They'd knock together
    And sparks would shoot out of his arse
     
  7. Mister Paul

    Mister Paul Honky

    Location:
    North Somerset
    My mate Billy had a ten foot willy
    He showed it to the girl next door
    She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake
    And now it's only 2 foot 4.
     
  8. catwoman

    catwoman Well-Known Member

    Location:
    North London.
    There was a young woman from Ealing
    who thought she had no sexual feeling.
    A man called Maurice
    touched her clitoris
    and she fractured her skull on the ceiling.
    :ohmy:
     
  9. Tim Bennet.

    Tim Bennet. Entirely Average Member

    Location:
    S of Kendal
    There was a young lady from Bude
    Who went for a swim in a lake
    A man in a punt
    Stuck a pole in her ear
    And said; you can't swim here it's private.
     
  10. EmGee DK

    EmGee DK New Member

    Location:
    127.0.0.1
    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
    While wiping his chin, He said with a grin,
    "If my ear were a c**t, I could f*ck it."
     
  11. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Amazing what you can still remember from your youth! :ohmy:

    There was a young man from Leeds
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds
    Tufts of grass
    Grew out of his arse
    And his balls were full of weeds

    There was a young man from Newcastle
    Who did a shoot in a parcel
    He sent it to Spain
    To explain
    That he had a very big peanut

    There was a young man from Poole
    Who had a red ring round his tool
    He went to the clinic
    The doctor a cynic
    Said, it's only lipstick, you fool
     
  12. graham56

    graham56 Veteran

    There was a woman from the vale of Eden
    Who was put in the nick for speeding
    She lay on her back
    Opened her cr*ck
    And pi$$ed all over the ceiling
     
  13. Maz

    Maz Guru

    Not quite a limerick but...

    There was a man from Huddersfield
    Who had a cow that wouldn't yield
    The reason why it didn't yield?
    It didn't like its udders feeled!
     
  14. TVC

    TVC Living La Mala Vida

    Also not a limerick, but my favorite Spike Milligan:

    A rather brash young lady pig,
    (they say she was a smasher),
    got run over by a van,
    and now she's a gammon rasher.
     
  15. Baggy

    Baggy Cake connoisseur

    There was a young lady from Spain
    Who took off her bra on a train
    A naughty young porter
    Saw more than he oughta
    And said to her "do that again"