Love. Life. Cycling (and worrying family members)

[joanna]

I've got constant badgering from family members to 'be safe', I know, it's good that they care, but their constant reminders of how dangerous cycling can be is really getting me down. I appreciate the need to be vigilant whilst cycling, and i never take any unnecessary risks. But I'm always having to try and reassure my mum in particular (who is a big worrier by nature) that i'm safe, but nothing i can say will make her worry less. It was very unfortunate that i had quite a bad fall at the time I was living with them for a short time - usually i can avoid them until I've healed up - but this particular occasion i got a black eye, and a severe knock to the head. This does nothing really to reassure my mum that accidents don't happen - they do. I feel that the one thing in my life that I love, is making those I love worry on a daily basis - i don't want them to be like that. I can't give it up though, but I can't cope with them living in fear of the worst all the time. Am I being selfish?

Who else has over-worrying partners/parents - how do you cope?

 

[MikeG]

It is really important to train your parents to accept your independence. This training begins at about spotty hormonal teenager time, but is a constant work-in-progress. I am not sure you put in enough effort early enough, so you're going to work a bit harder now: ignoring texts, leaving the phone on answerphone, doing your own laundry.......all that sort of thing. It might be tough, but you've made a rod for your own back.

 

[raleighnut]

I've got constant badgering from family members to 'be safe', I know, it's good that they care, but their constant reminders of how dangerous cycling can be is really getting me down. I appreciate the need to be vigilant whilst cycling, and i never take any unnecessary risks. But I'm always having to try and reassure my mum in particular (who is a big worrier by nature) that i'm safe, but nothing i can say will make her worry less. It was very unfortunate that i had quite a bad fall at the time I was living with them for a short time - usually i can avoid them until I've healed up - but this particular occasion i got a black eye, and a severe knock to the head. This does nothing really to reassure my mum that accidents don't happen - they do. I feel that the one thing in my life that I love, is making those I love worry on a daily basis - i don't want them to be like that. I can't give it up though, but I can't cope with them living in fear of the worst all the time. Am I being selfish?

Who else has over-worrying partners/parents - how do you cope?

Tell them you're thinking of getting a motorbike they'll be pleading with you to stay on a pushbike

 

[cd365]

How often do you have an accident?

 

[Archie_tect]

Jo, don't get too concerned- it's just that your mum loves you and looks out for you every minute of every day- that's what parents do- but they also accept you for who you are regardless and that you have to do what makes you happy...
[my 82 year old mum still tells me when she thinks it's time for me to get my hair cut!]

 

[Crankarm]

I've got constant badgering from family members to 'be safe', I know, it's good that they care, but their constant reminders of how dangerous cycling can be is really getting me down. I appreciate the need to be vigilant whilst cycling, and i never take any unnecessary risks. But I'm always having to try and reassure my mum in particular (who is a big worrier by nature) that i'm safe, but nothing i can say will make her worry less. It was very unfortunate that i had quite a bad fall at the time I was living with them for a short time - usually i can avoid them until I've healed up - but this particular occasion i got a black eye, and a severe knock to the head. This does nothing really to reassure my mum that accidents don't happen - they do. I feel that the one thing in my life that I love, is making those I love worry on a daily basis - i don't want them to be like that. I can't give it up though, but I can't cope with them living in fear of the worst all the time. Am I being selfish?

Who else has over-worrying partners/parents - how do you cope?

It's when they couldn't care less you should worry.

 

[Gravity Aided]

My wife does a bit of worrying, but it's not as worrisome as the dismal track record men have with arteriosclerosis in my family. My father was the only one before me who was physically active (in cycling no less, as well as walking), and made it to 83. Otherwise, 60 is the benchmark. While athletic activities have their risks, so does inactivity.

 

[DiddlyDodds]

The wife always worried she had no idea where I was when I would go out riding for 3-4hrs, so I put a tracker on my phone so at any time when I am out riding she can log in on the PC and see where I am.
She's a lot happier now that she can see my movements and what speed I am doing, rather than just "out there somewhere".

 

[fossyant]

My missus worries but accepts the risks. I tend to get a big accident evert three years, and now I'm fully recovered from the last one in December 2008, I'm due another although I think I'll be OK for a while as a recent operation didn't go well, so once that's sorted I'll be on the look out.

 

[BSRU]

My missus does not worry, as my cycling is extremely safe when compared to my lunatic single days on powered two wheels

 

[John the Canuck]

tell her to WATCH HERSELF as more accidents happen in the kitchen.......

 

[Dragonwight]

Sounds to me like you have a great mum, better someone worries about you than not.

 

[Globalti]

...or while doing DIY. My most painful accidents have been caused by hand tools.

I can understand the OP's Mum; our son is 15 and has already had a bad cycling crash and skiing crash, both requiring trips to hospital. The most traumatic moment of my life was coming round the corner to find my own child lying unconscious in the gutter covered in mud with bright red blood coming from his nose. He came round in a minute and no real harm was done but I don't mind admitting I had some dust in my eye in the ambulance going to hospital. Those events make it difficult to let go as he grows in independence.

 

[Fab Foodie]

As a parent I understand the fear. I know my 14 y/o son is a pretty competent cyclist and don't worry about him. My 21 y/o daughter back from Uni just told me she's cycling into Oxford tomorrow ... she rides a bike about twice a year and I'll worry about that.
But here's the rub, cycling really is safe, though there's a whole industry trying to tell you that it's not in order to buy more helmets and hi-viz. The best explanation I have ever seen regarding how safe cycling really is is here:
http://www.gicentre.net/blog/2013/11/24/risk-cycling-and-denominator-neglect

Don't be put off by the title, it'e very easy to follow.
Read Cyclecraft by Franklin (HMSO books), it really helps you on the road and if your parents realise how well informed you are, they'll start to relax I'm sure.
Enjoy.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Despite years of cycling and then going off to cycle around the world (though admitted not alone and not very successfully) - or perhaps because of it, who knows, my mother (65) insists that I ring her to let her know when I am home each and every time. I am over at my parents' home, which is 2 or 3 times a week and we go through the same routine each and every time - "ring me when you are home" is invariably the last thing I hear as I leave there. I hate to think what would happen if I forgot to ask my OH to ring them the moment I step through the door after 2 hrs... I am usually more interested in cleaning the chain and getting out of my lycra and with my tea...

I have pointed out to them that if I am killed whilst cycling/mountaineering etc, I have at least died enjoying myself and that is infinitely preferable to many of the other ways of dying. I'm not sure it helps but at least they know my approach to the situation.

Ironically they are more than "happy" for me to go solo wild camping in -15C (in remote areas of Scotland), out mountaineering by myself and no-one hear from me for a week or more. Work that one out!