news - current affairs delivered on a poetry track

[Randomnerd]

amazing poetry but going to keep mine separate as its mainly on news. thank for pointing out.

Well, OK then.
You're obviously enjoying your art, but it's nearly rap, and not yet poetry. In my humble opinion your verse would benefit from a second read-through before you publish: not that anything should necessarily follow the rules for it to count, but there are useful frameworks for building a poem which might be helpful for you to explore; metre, rhyme, scansion, punctuation and so on.
But what do I know?

 

[poemcycle]

thanks for tips. I am a tryer.

 

[poemcycle]

still trying here !

moaning on public transport mike bus driver fridays metro comment - attached 14.04.18

mike is blunt
but i like your fuse
most need to be hit by bus front
rudeness is a hate don't confuse.
moaning about all and sundry
when workers doing duty
to defend is making me hungry
looking down on scum does equal snooty.
if you are boarding
and willing to spend 5 mins ranting
from most don't expect applauding
bore off and letter write i might start chanting.
if you have waited longer
and are ready to pinch like a lobster
obviously venting is your hunger
but don't be a hypocrite and have ready your oyster.
for things to run smooth
on transport this idea i am owning
to ensure every journey does sooth
customers yes customers have to stop moaning.

was reading a comment from mike the bus driver in fridays metro and i totally agree with him. i also feel if everyone stops moaning it will make service run more effective because while you are moaning it is making the people at the next stop even later then you was ! if you want to complain - surely they will want to as well. come on public transport users STOP MOANING.https://ibb.co/mM92sS be good customers hey metro readers !

 

[poemcycle]

still riding to find the love of my life !


ever hopeful but over 22 and still a waiting prince ( news on love from metro ) 15.04.18



going to follow

metro will never rinse

fridays edition was a delightful swallow

forget queen and george i'm the prince.

a excellent study

this kind of news does bond

got my speedos on and prepared for muddy

true love will find on hampstead heath pond.

25 has been exceeded

kissed millions some prickly

finding the right lips never conceded

had smooth hairy dry moist and sticky.

all in the name of clint

megan will enjoy the carry

the wedding is sparking the excitement flint

the magnum is firing from dirty harry.

i'm in the 45 percent camp

laying all the cards on casino

left hand tired and has cramp

but i got faith and i thank casumo.

https://ibb.co/gEQ8HS

 

[roadrash]

 

[poemcycle]

I was the same as you roadrash - all became clear when reading metro news.

 

[roadrash]

maybe its me but I just don't "get" the.... err... poems at all.

 

[poemcycle]

nore do I - and I write them. but keeps the brain tickin.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

I was the same as you roadrash - all became clear when reading metro news.

You're meant to cycle to work, not sit on the bus reading the metro
Only jesting with you, of course.

 

[poemcycle]

I like jesting as long as its this once . todays poem is on the great idea to not stop at stations if train is running late ! anyone got any 10 cents ?


govia thameslink best miss the poetry stop 16.04.18



its not acceptable

don't care if its 1 percent or fewer

this world runs on reliable

that's why this skewer.

customers are paying

surely its in the 1968 description

will deliver by email so no delaying

i follow no act hence no encryption.

so appointments and business are not slipping

everything revolves round the plan

those who authorise station skipping

need next stop H.M.P can.

no 2 sides to this track

its bringing me to the brink

i hope others copy and paste this flack

because stop skipping is unacceptable govia thameslink.







http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-43701210 this is what has inspired me this morning. i would urge you to copy and paste my poem via this contact page and if govia have to read the same thing over and over again they might just see how frustraiting not stopping at a station would be as this is what they often do as the news reported. this is not accecptable and we need to tell them. thank you if you did help to show disatisfaction with govia thameslink. you can copy and paste my poem via this webpage or just say you are not happy with stop skipping and maybe just maybe we will get our trains back on the right track. https://www.thameslinkrailway.com/help-and-support/contact-us

 

[cisamcgu]

I would think if they have to read your "poem" over and over again, they will probably lose the will to live...

 

[roadrash]

I really am trying here,but help me out a bit, could you tell me what the 4th line is supposed to mean



its not acceptable

don't care if its 1 percent or fewer

this world runs on reliable

that's why this skewer

...this world runs on reliable
that's why this sharp piece of bamboo onto which you slide pieces of meat , preferably cooked on a bbq

 

[poemcycle]

roadrash - it means we all need to plan to make this world run ie if you have a appoinement you plan what train you will take to be there on time but how can you do that if the train goes by the stop you are meant to get off just because its fell behind on running ? ok I done one more for you to chew on ? do you watch the best stuff on ch5 ?

black or white monday 16 april wrightstuff debate ( spitting blood at bbc powell speech )16.04.18



monday morning brightening

915am goes the alarm

a welcome so inviting

this storm looks fit to do harm.

loved the suit in a jump

rough and ready short clips

did your throat have a lump

so well complemented by gold zips.

have to show appreciation

to make feel good is my aim

wrightstuff studios have contamination

stunning susy is the hidden white flame.

both complement with class

appreciation will not be a thing that's new

sending in and i will have to pass

even if my religion is the chew.

black or white

neither will divide

storm and susy are a delight

commenting on women's fashion is hopefully this provide.

( both these ladies were on the wrihtstuff mon 16 april 2018 and i just want to complement them both or how fab they look. )

 

[roadrash]

still stumped about the skewer reference, and even more @ even if my religion is the chew.

I just struggle to see more than random words, ......ah well I will leave it at that,... maybe its me

 

[Randomnerd]

If you have to explain your poem, you're doing something wrong @poemcycle . Poetry is communication, however discreet; your audience has to understand some of what you're trying to communicate.
I'm only guessing but I get a hint of patois from how you write. Here is the master writing https://www.poetryarchive.org/poem/di-great-insohreckshan
You're trying to write rhyming couplets and forcing the words to match: which leads to incomprehension.
I could go on, but get the sense that you're happy doing it your way. And this is in general a cycling forum: there are other fora where we could more usefully post poems and get feedback and chat like this perhaps https://www.thepoetryforum.co.uk/forum.php