news - current affairs delivered on a poetry track

[winjim]

If you have to explain your poem, you're doing something wrong @poemcycle . Poetry is communication, however discreet; your audience has to understand some of what you're trying to communicate.
I'm only guessing but I get a hint of patois from how you write. Here is the master writing https://www.poetryarchive.org/poem/di-great-insohreckshan
You're trying to write rhyming couplets and forcing the words to match: which leads to incomprehension.
I could go on, but get the sense that you're happy doing it your way. And this is in general a cycling forum: there are other fora where we could more usefully post poems and get feedback and chat like this perhaps https://www.thepoetryforum.co.uk/forum.php

Worth listening to LKJ performing live...

 

[glasgowcyclist]

If you have to explain your poem, you're doing something wrong

I've long held that view about all forms of art.

I'm finding it very difficult to follow these poems, even after some mental contortions to try to decipher the words used and the meaning intended. I've been reluctant to say so before as I'm the least creative person I know and didn't want to sound harsh. I also got the sense that either the author's first language wasn't English, or at least wasn't BE. Is this part of the problem?

 

[Randomnerd]

I've long held that view about all forms of art.

Poems are perhaps the worst place to hide when being incomprehensible. Cut up a cow and stick it in formaldehyde: fine. I don't understand, but it must be art, right? Pile some bricks up randomly: art, right? Get your words all in a muddle and not be quite sure what you're saying: gibberish. Or maybe it is poetry, and our ears are tuned elsewhere

@poemcycle will get back to us about their first language etc, but I've guessed the same.

 

[poemcycle]

speak very good English and no what I am trying to say. maybe when it is on a subject you can relate to you will understand my points. until then - my lips are sealed.

 

[roadrash]

its not being able to relate to the subject that is the problem, I understand the subject of your writings, its what you write that is hard to understand

 

[cisamcgu]

speak very good English and no what I am trying to say. maybe when it is on a subject you can relate to you will understand my points. until then - my lips are sealed.

I think my ears are going to be sealed too, I don't understand what you are writing, a series of random words that mean nothing - to me it amounts to drivel - just my opinion of course.

 

[poemcycle]

ok lets have a break from news ! this is on something I watched last night. the clues are in my poem. do your homework now class and you will get a gold star and you might win a love of my life poem if you can work this one out !

every work place has a mercedes bear grylls fact 17.04.18

sorry to be blunt
this is one of my hurtful sends
looking for no easy target to hunt
oh lord work places don't need a mercedes benz.
zapping everyone's energy
tensions are to strain
spreading her self pity lurgy
having no food or water is not the only drain.
everything does self boil
nothing to do with classes
unable to see own pants soil
this is coming from me narcissus.
using all resources
the island is a business with no dodge
mercedes benz is no horses for courses
useless and pulling group down like stodge.
out and taken off road
now this camp will thrive
barnes is creating my laughter explode
but even he will no its a great mercedes drive.

 

[Randomnerd]

In some sado-masochistic way, I was looking forward to your poetry reaching new depths of rule-breaking awfulness this morning. And you delivered.
Drivel does just about sum up this effort. A particular low point is the “road” and “explode” rhyme.
The rest of it doesn’t bear much scrutiny: as poetry, it’s the equivalent of an off-key thrash metal guitar solo juggler dropping his clubs in a cymbal factory.

 

[poemcycle]

privileged you done your home work and understand me spoon. I got a a feeling me and you are going to to have a love of my life poem looming - I guess you can predicts its going to end with us spooning .

 

[roadrash]

if you like crap poetry
then I know where it can be seen
log into cyclechat
you will soon see what I mean

the op thinks its good
but all I see is crap
no amount of explaining
can get through to this chap

he says that he writes poetry
inspired by the news
it does nothing for me
it makes me blow a fuse

don't think I will bother
reading any more
all its doing for me
is making my head sore

so with this rhme I leave
this sorry looking thread
cant stand it anymore
I'm taking to my bed

I hope your rhymes improve
next time I take a look
the only way I can see it
is if you steal one from a book

 

[poemcycle]

thank you for the intro
but that really was a car crash
did your fuse blow
lets hope your tires did not slash.
I never said I was good
far from that is the truth
just wait for the bigbrother hood
roadrash will really go through the roof.
I see it don't send you vertigo
maybe not understanding my views
have you ever heard of the metro
a fun side of news with humour so no blues.
if your head is sore
then I could be your cure
got plenty poetry in store
medication and its pure.
don't leave me this way
your bed don't sink
I still got plenty more to say
nearly midnight and not even at brink.
don't do stealing
I guess roadrash I am not going to hook
a beautiful friendship is in reeling
cyclechat.net and love is recorded in my poetry book.

 

[cisamcgu]

Twaddle

 

[Randomnerd]

privileged you done your home work and understand me spoon. I got a a feeling me and you are going to to have a love of my life poem looming - I guess you can predicts its going to end with us spooning .

You must be reading my scathing critique of your execrable “verse” as praise. It isn’t. I don’t understand much of what you write. My responses are just a kind of rubber-necking someone would do driving past a terrible, tragic, fatal car crash. We don’t want to see, but we can’t help looking: I don’t want to read but I can’t help peeking.
You might not have noticed, but you wrote a better poem in this reply - “looming” and “spooning” - please don’t write me a love poem or imagine we might spoon, however virtual. It’s vaguely creepy, slightly comical.
Have you another creative talent you might find comfort in when your poetic muse runs dry? A musical instrument maybe? Do you ride a bike? Juggle?

 

[roadrash]

maybe not understanding my views
have you ever heard of the metro

once again , its not your views I don't understand , its what you call your poetry, I don't understand, it really is a jumble of mish mash words, do you really think its poetry, you may notice I used the word RHYME,
I dont think wordsworth would be worried.

oh by the way you are not my cure, nor are we in a beautiful friendship

 

[poemcycle]

hard to get does not fit well roadrash - we have a track together ? ok lets try celeb news. ever heard of this fruit and nut ?

kanye west tattoo child names right or wrong or fruit and nut photo included 18.04.18

a social media addict
won't do pot and kettle black
always wrong and contradict
he is pot 1 and i'm pot 2 first name crack.
twitter will welcome reactivation
its inspiring me to get broody
going to start a family creation
no name copy so west won't get moody.
i like the name north
not going to exaggerate
but won't get to forth
my first born will be called highgate.
2nd one will follow
poetry is the commander
all poetry sites will sue for hollow
liable makes me guilty along with slander.
south north east or west
highgate poetry is my cut
unlike wanting lime light and kayne invest
we both have a similarity and its fruit and nut.

https://ibb.co/erycz7