No more club rides for me

[Matthew_T]

I felt really excluded at tonights club ride. The ride itself was normal. But we went to the pub after to celebrate a members 50th. At the pub noone spoke to me, I felt really bored and unwelcome. I have been with the club for over a year and would have expected better from them.
Sorry to say that I will not be attending any club rides anymore.

 

[mark st1]

 

[Saluki]

Are there any other clubs in your area than you can go out with at all?
Nothing worse than being ignored by a bunch of folks that you have been socialising with for some time.

 

[Matthew_T]

Are there any other clubs in your area than you can go out with at all?
Nothing worse than being ignored by a bunch of folks that you have been socialising with for some time.

I am a member of the Meliden club. There is a Rhyl club that I might be going out with on Sundays from now on.

I enjoy going on the club rides because of the social side of it. I do not enjoy being ignored. They have lost a member.

 

[Brandane]

I hear that Meliden CC is popular with local taxi drivers and Dominoes pizza staff!

 

[fossyant]

You do have to participate in conversations - two way process, so if you are quiet folk will leave you alone ?

You can't label a group of folk from one evening out of a whole year. I joined my cycling club about 6 months ago, but have only been out with them three times, but they know who I am - you've got to talk, and find out about them, sometimes you've got to initiate the conversation.

 

[GetAGrip]

As TintMyNewt says, they may have just have thought you wanted to sit quietly, Did you wish the member a Happy Birthday? and offering to buy them a drink to celebrate their birthday is usually a good move .
I think we all find large groups of people difficult to feel at ease with sometimes, especially at social events. For instance, on this visit to the pub, the chat may not have been particularly cycling related, and sometimes you need to take a deep breath and join in the small talk, trying to take an interest in whatever the topic of conversation happens to be.

If you enjoy the club runs, don't stop going because of one bad experience in the pub. It might be that, just like most of us, you need to work on your social skills a little, which in turn will give your confidence a bit of a boost

 

[ianrauk]

That's the important bit. Ask a question - people love talking about themselves and it gets the conversation started.

The best one being of course... can I get you a drink?

 

[fossyant]

Matthew, I wouldn't jump down on the club. Remember you have Aspergers and it can cause you difficulties with social interaction - maybe you were the quiet one last night and not interacting. Just take a step back, think, and don't jump in feet first. No reason to give up on the club as you've enjoyed their company for the last year.

 

[s7ephanie]

maybe they are jealous of your 'fame' and to be honest you do seem a bit of an 'old fooggy type', and always complaining - sorry !!

 

[oldfatfool]

Mathew do you drink? otherwise they may have thought it was you being unsociable.

 

[buggi]

well i don't know you Matthew but it's one of two scenario's:=

1. they are up their own arses and you should leave

2. they are not up their own arses and you shouldn't leave.

i was going with 1 until i heard you had aspergers. i know there are many forms but now i'm thinking its more like 2 and you should give them another chance. a woman at work has aspergers and she finds it hard to socialise and to articulate what she is saying. as said, start by asking a question but make sure you listen to the answer, instead of panicking what you are gong to say next. then you will actually hear what they are saying the conversation will be easier.

If you have aspergers they may just as well be finding hard to talk to you, and don't know how to handle it, so prefer to shy away and "let someone else talk to you". if they all feel like that, then no one will talk and that's when you find yourself in this situation, particularly if you shy away yourself.. so you may need to make the first move. it's may not be that they are meaning to be rude but that they just don't know how to talk to you.

 

[s7ephanie]

I didnt know Matthew had aspergers, so i would like to apologise for my post xxx i wasnt trying to be nasty

 

[Hip Priest]

They were probably just upset that you'd run them all off your wheel.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Mathew do you drink? otherwise they may have thought it was you being unsociable.

This is a wee problem I had when I was Matthew's age: everybody getting out to get get drunk, tried to join in but couldn't, makes me feel
I used to say my soft drink was vodka and coke trying not to come across as a spoilspot
Because the occasion was a 50th birthday and you are a young whippet @Matthew_T you might have felt excluded from the banter, nevertheless you are equal to the rest on the bike, so I would not give the episode too much importance