'Not the marrying type'

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Julia9054

Guru
Location
Knaresborough
The rules of the marriage thing are published in a book
And the rules of marriage in a registry office or other licensed venue that is not a church state that you are not allowed to refer to God in any way - including the singing of hymns
 

newfhouse

Resolutely on topic
The rules of the marriage thing are published in a book .... like the rules of hockey are published in a book .... if you don't agree with the hockey rules then your not playing hockey ... if you don't agree with the marriage rules then your not married .... .. your certainly something, something amazing and worthwhile, but not married. You may decide to play Rugby football with a Soccer ball, but it's not Rugby .
Rules are written by people, and people can and do change the rules. Think about your own metaphor. Union used to be strictly amateur and now it’s not. It’s still rugby.
 
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mudsticks

mudsticks

Obviously an Aubergine
The rules of the marriage thing are published in a book .... like the rules of hockey are published in a book .... if you don't agree with the hockey rules then your not playing hockey ... if you don't agree with the marriage rules then your not married .... .. your certainly something, something amazing and worthwhile, but not married. You may decide to play Rugby football with a Soccer ball, but it's not Rugby .

I'm no sporting expert, but I think they can update the rules of sport if its agreed upon by the bodies who oversee these things.

Same with marriage, its only a human construct after all. :okay:
 

Electric_Andy

Heavy Metal Fan
Location
Plymouth
I very much do not like the idea of 'marriage'. If I had my way, all marriages would be replaced by civil partnerships.
Agree; for far too long it's been implied that you can't live a "decent" life with someone unless you have been married by a vicar in a church. I know there are exceptions, but largely 20+ years ago, if someone showed you their wedding video it would have been in a church.

My partner and I talked about marriage, but neither of us particularly wanted to do it again. A civil partnership would be a good option for us if we ever wanted to cement our relationship. But that then brought up another topic of conversation: What is the point of any form of union? If you both make detailed wills etc then why bother with any form of legal bond?
 

Smokin Joe

Legendary Member
What is the point of any form of union? If you both make detailed wills etc then why bother with any form of legal bond?
True.

Our wills are watertight and the bank accounts are in joint names so we don't really need any bit of paper.
 
OP
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mudsticks

mudsticks

Obviously an Aubergine
Agree; for far too long it's been implied that you can't live a "decent" life with someone unless you have been married by a vicar in a church. I know there are exceptions, but largely 20+ years ago, if someone showed you their wedding video it would have been in a church.

My partner and I talked about marriage, but neither of us particularly wanted to do it again. A civil partnership would be a good option for us if we ever wanted to cement our relationship. But that then brought up another topic of conversation: What is the point of any form of union? If you both make detailed wills etc then why bother with any form of legal bond?

I'm no expert here -

@Julia9054 - help us with your googling.

But I wonder if the civil partnership in some way is a substitute for the very detailed will thing.

It would give some sort of assumed executive permission, if one half became incapacitated for example.

And maybe covers the inheritance malarkey.

- I do know of one couple who got married much later in their relationship, I think because they were building a house together.

He then had a stroke, if they hadn't been married then she wouldn't have been consulted about medical matters or suchlike.
 

tom73

Guru
Location
Yorkshire
I'm no expert here -

@Julia9054 - help us with your googling.

But I wonder if the civil partnership in some way is a substitute for the very detailed will thing.

It would give some sort of assumed executive permission, if one half became incapacitated for example.

And maybe covers the inheritance malarkey.

- I do know of one couple who got married much later in their relationship, I think because they were building a house together.

He then had a stroke, if they hadn't been married then she wouldn't have been consulted about medical matters or suchlike.

Your right to say that Mrs 73 has seen it many times two people been living together for years.
One becomes ill and can't express a wish. The family have always disapproved and take over.
Leaving the partner out of the everything. It leaves staff in a very difficult place to balance both sides.
One of the hardest experiencers involved a gay couple pre equal marriage law.
They'd been together for over 30 years his partners family cut him off totality. Inc limited visiting even when he was dying.

My mum had some real issues when her partner died suddenly without chance to do a will.
They where set to marry once they got back of holiday but he died days into it.
I had an idea things was going to get messy when day after his funeral one of his bothers phoned and said "I want my fair share"
We had a right legal job on which was still going on months later when sadly my mum too died. Then I had added fun and games.
 

Electric_Andy

Heavy Metal Fan
Location
Plymouth
This all reminds me that I need to make a will! re: the marrige/parnership thing. I think a lot of people want it legally noted that they are together forever. In my experience, people who have been divorced are sometimes less likely to want a legal union because "well, the last one didn't work out so what's the point?". It's kind of where my partner and I stand. The difference being that she wants us to live together like a proper family. Unfortunately the logisitcs of that wouldn't really work yet, as we both have children / schools/ co-parenting to consider and we currently live at opposite ends of the city.

That said, I work with a lady who has lived with her partner for 30 years and they never wanted to make anything official (well obviously it's official to the people they know, but not on paper).
 

johnblack

Über Member
True.

Our wills are watertight and the bank accounts are in joint names so we don't really need any bit of paper.
Can a well written will enable you to pass on property without CGT / IHT if you are not married or in a civil partnership or claim deceased partners state benefits base on their NI contributions? I thought that those "perks" were restricted?
 

12boy

Guru
Location
Casper WY USA
About the inheritance thing.....I once had a neighbor who had retired from the military and was living in Florida but came back to South Dakota to take care of his aged parents. He lived in a converted garage beneath their house, and due to various rules concerning Medicaid, a benefit designed to help indigent folks pay their medical bills, their house and savings were transferred to him so the parents would meet the asset limitations. This was fine with the family since they did not want to bothered with the old folks who passed away some time later.
Then he arranged for a mail order bride from the Philippines, who was half his age, and a very nice person, as it turns out. The family hated her, especially since she was a person of color and snubbed her at every opportunity. One day when they were leaving a cafe after breakfast, he had a heart attack pulling onto the highway in front of a semi truck and was killed instantly. His wife was functionally brain dead but kept alive via machines. My kids were so upset to see her in the hospital, since having no children of her own she would babysit them at every chance since she loved kids.
After a few days they pulled the life support and she passed away.
Had she lived, and had he not had a solid will, she would have been a stranger in a strange country dealing with some fairly vicious people over the assets.
As it turned out, since she survived him, her family, per her will, inherited every thing. Ironic.
 
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