Oh for f**** sake.

[TheDoctor]

I think your car might be fine for a baby elephant for a little way, because it could lie down, with it's legs tucked under it, and push it's trunk through between the front seats. If it was very clever, it could change gear for you.

But I agree, walking would be nicer. And probably kinder to your car's suspension. If it was a hot day, the BE would need a blanket to keep the sun off, and cream to protect it's ears - I saw that on the elephant orphanage programme on telly. In the wild, they shelter from the sun under their mums....

The suspension should be OK. A new born BE weighs 103 kilos, which is approximately the weight of a standard TheDoctor at the moment. Obviously it still needs its mum for suckling purposes at the moment and I don't know how big an elephant is when it's fully on solids.

Anyway, elephants are a herd creature. I'd need a whole herd of them if they were going to be happy *glees at prospect*

And as for the idea of its' little trunk wriggling forward between the front seats...
*likes likes*

 

[Speicher]

So do I!



You've thought this through, I like it.

Ok, we use your car, Speicher can arrange some suitable logos and livery for the side, and the Doc can come along with all his spare dog leads, in case it won't get in the car, or we want to give it a run round once we get it out of the zoo.

We'll also need some water for it to drink, and a lot of buns.

I like the idea of a lot of buns, but what is the BE going to eat?

 

[Tim Bennet.]

I think those of you who wish to transport a baby elephant are overlooking the flexibility that might be afforded by using a roof rack. With careful adjusting even a two bar model should suffice.

But how to secure the little chap up there safely? I'm almost certain you can't nail things to elephant's feet like shoes to a horse, so this will preclude screwing Look pedal cleats on and clipping these into fixed pedals on the rack (or SPD if it prefers recessed cleats for walking around). But I think regular ski bindings may well work as their toes should adequately mimic the 'lip' on the front of a ski boot.

But what ever fixing method is chosen, I believe that some form of quick release is important should the driver forget and mistakenly tries to enter a multistory carpark, for instance.

 

[TheDoctor]

So do I!



You've thought this through, I like it.

Ok, we use your car, Speicher can arrange some suitable logos and livery for the side, and the Doc can come along with all his spare dog leads, in case it won't get in the car, or we want to give it a run round once we get it out of the zoo.

We'll also need some water for it to drink, and a lot of buns.

I'm touched by your faith in my ability to get over a hundred kilos of elephant to do something it doesn't fancy! I'd be more than happy for it (should we think of a name?) to play with the dog when we get it to my place. It'll need some exercise (the BE that is, not the dog, although she could do with some as well) and such before it gets the train up to York. I think you have to pay half fare for dogs and other animals, so you'd better pretend it's a dog, to be on the safe side.
On a more important note - just how big is your flat, Arch? Do we need to build an extension?

 

[Arch]

I think those of you who wish to transport a baby elephant are overlooking the flexibility that might be afforded by using a roof rack. With careful adjusting even a two bar model should suffice.

But how to secure the little chap up there safely? I'm almost certain you can't nail things to elephant's feet like shoes to a horse, so this will preclude screwing Look pedal cleats on and clipping these into fixed pedals on the rack (or SPD if it prefers recessed cleats for walking around). But I think regular ski bindings may well work as their toes should adequately mimic the 'lip' on the front of a ski boot.

But what ever fixing method is chosen, I believe that some form of quick release is important should the driver forget and mistakenly tries to enter a multistory carpark, for instance.

Interesting. Might cause accidents due to rubbernecking on the motorway I fear!

*visions of BE's trunk and ears flapping in slipstream like Piglet in the gale*

Doc, I fear the flat is the sticking point. It is basically one room plus a little bathroom, I don't know the dimensions, but by the time you take into account the kitchen area, the bed, the sofa, the dining table and the various book cases, there isn't much floor left. And it's on the second floor. I'm not technically allowed to keep livestock on the allotment, but perhaps we could hide it in the shed? There would be grass and leaves for it to eat, and it could guard my wheelbarrow.

 

[trustysteed]

can't you wrap his trunk around the aerial and tie a knot in it?

 

[TheDoctor]

can't you wrap his trunk around the aerial and tie a knot in it?

Certainly (k)not!

*giggles at notion of elephant doing 70 mph along M1*

 

[Amanda P]

Oh, by the way, if you want to use my car, it needs a wash....

 

[Jacomus-rides-Gen]

The Beeb shocked me to the core this morning, twice in quick succession!

1) Shock, turning rapidly to irritation at the mispronunciation of Porsche ITS PORSCH-UH NOT PORSH FFS PEOPLE!! I would expect it of channel 5 news, but not the BBC.


2) That Porsch-UH are taking some kind of court action complaining about the proposed £25 charge for driving a vehicle with the fuel requirements of a small nation around London.

 

[TheDoctor]

Oh, by the way, if you want to use my car, it needs a wash....

We're going past a lake and over at least one river, and we have an elephant. I don't suppose giving the car a quick hose down will be a problem. Getting the elephant to have a quick gargle with Turtle Wax beforehand might be more of an issue.

 

[TheDoctor]

The Beeb shocked me to the core this morning, twice in quick succession!

1) Shock, turning rapidly to irritation at the mispronunciation of Porsche ITS PORSCH-UH NOT PORSH FFS PEOPLE!! I would expect it of channel 5 news, but not the BBC.


2) That Porsch-UH are taking some kind of court action complaining about the proposed £25 charge for driving a vehicle with the fuel requirements of a small nation around London.

No, Porches are useless. The only way you'll get an elephant in one is if it's a soft top, and then the BE can just stand there, ears flapping in the breeze.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

No, Porches are useless. The only way you'll get an elephant in one is if it's a soft top, and then the BE can just stand there, ears flapping in the breeze.

what about the ceyenne? you might get a baby elephant in, as usually there's plenty of room in them, what with only a bottle blonde middle aged woman in it.

 

[TheDoctor]

what about the ceyenne? you might get a baby elephant in, as usually there's plenty of room in them, what with only a bottle blonde middle aged woman in it.

A good point well made, that man!

*bottle blond middle-aged woman with more money than sense*
*ponders*
*Cons-shooting fish in barrel, taking advantage*
*Pros-second hand cayenne = cost of 3 years cycle touring in France or thereabouts, with odd trips to Norfolk, Worcester and York*
*decides*

Sorry, elephant, you're on your own.

 

[Arch]

To return briefly to a point made by Samnichols a while back, I'm in a computer work room, and there are two bimbo type undergrad girls next to me, chatting away and giggling over facebook photos or somesuch crap. There's a lad opposite, looks like a sensitive type, a sort of cros between a young David Tennant and Bradley from Eastenders, and he's been giving them annoyed looks and he's starting to develop a nervous twitch.

I may have to resort to violence in a minute.... When I was an undergrad, it was library conditions in comouter rooms, but this one is more like a cyber cafe. Ey up, the lad's heading off. Driven away perhaps by the discussion of eyeliner.

BTW, after watching Life in Cold Blood yesterday, I'd also like a pygmy chameleon. It could live in a matchbox and eat the little fruit flies I sometimes get in my compost caddy. I'd just have to make sure the BE didn't tread on it.

 

[SamNichols]

Those Pygmy Chameleons are so cool. Life in Cold Blood is the only TV show worth watching at the moment, and Attenborough always has the capacity to amaze with the freakishness of animals.

As for computer clusters. The ones in the library should be treated as library space: i don't care about the ones in academic buildings, because I rarely use them. As it is, if I want to faff on the internet, then I use my laptop. Facebook searching (which I don't even have, somewhat bucking the trends of universities the world over) is not an acceptable use for academic clusters, and only serves to annoy and delay people who want to do real work.

Blooming students are the bane of my life, I have to find a job where I can avoid them as much as possible. Writing shall always be the dream, as I can then go and live on a remote scottish island and avoid all people, but unfortunately it is a bit of a pipe dream for a few years. Any ideas? Gentleman of leisure would be a good job, but I don't have the family income to rely on.