Ping: fellow depressives

[pepecat]

Yeah, me too..... my partner says i've changed. Don't know if it's for the better, but if it means i don't go through the last two years hell again, then it's a good thing.
The other half's way of looking at it is that it's a bit like a badly broken leg - might leave you with a bit of limp, but you can get around ok and do the stuff you did before, just differently.

 

[coffeejo]

Think I've posted this before (memory shot to pieces atm) but I think it's less like a broken leg, more of a diagnosis of something like diabetes. Life-changing, potentially life-threatening, but potentially manageable in the long-run. (I hope, anyway.)

 

[Fletch456]

If you need cheering up I find this song and video energising http://www.youtube.c...x=3&playnext=11 "I just had sex" feat Akon. Uplifting tune and funny. Before anyone objects after watching it, sense of humour is personal and I am not saying that it is for everyone.

And I wish I could have played it at work lots recently...
...had a glitch when I struggled with some work. I had clinical depression a few years ago and a small bout of it 18 months ago and being with BUPA the first time I was able to get a heck of a lot of therapy. Dealing with it is akin to being alcoholic..in my book. It's a long term thing that requires habit change - so as am not a child any more this means small and persistent changes and inherent slip ups as it's nigh on impossible to stay focussed on habit changing behaviour I think.

I got stuck (as in a rut) with some work after I didn't understand the principles of what was required properly first off and was just going to follow how someone did it last year (following their documents) - I forgot just how hard this can be when you've not properly fully understood what is required. I found it hard to ask for help and as I was dealing with large spreadsheets the trees became numerous and I definitely couldn't see the wood. I still feel depressed about it now - though the work got completed last week, by someone else in the end. Given my tendency for dramatic thinking, feeling the pressure, having pressure applied to me and working long hours I was convinced for a few days that my "P45" was on the way (I say "P45" as I'm contracting). Suffice to say that though this will naturally have been discussed by my management I am still here and it's not been brought up with me yet. I may bring it up, in my own way, as I usually feel better with things out in the open. Though very very soon I will have to try and do almost the identical thing again.

I think I've been reminded that I hate to admit that I am struggling with something - it makes me feel like a victim and I much prefer to be able to offer part if not all of a solution. Plus sometimes I don't know the problem, just that I am struggling and need to talk it out with someone - the manager concerned isn't someone I can always feel I can do that with. My usual boss was on holiday (curse him! :-) grr). Though one reason / one way or another he may have felt it was a bit late in the process for me to not understand things therefore felt frustrated and annoyed. So couldn't talk it through with him


The other thing that is annoying me is I am thin skinned or sensitive (definitely the latter) and cycled in for the first time earlier this week which raised a few jokes. The office is small and at times has the humour of school changing rooms (they are engineers (no offence to any engineers here)) and it's not my humour. It could sound like I need to chill out and relax but I am worried on the back of the above and know I need to get it right next time I need to be focussed and getting things right. Plus where I am sat leaves me open to lots of interruptions such as when people walk by. I will, when feeling a smidgeon braver have words (in the appropriate and good way) with those who are only serving to put me on edge at the moment and wanted to write it here to get it off my chest.

 

[Fletch456]

Further to my previous post...my boss has just emailed to arrange a meeting tomorrow re going forward giving my lack of delivery on last piece of work. Arrrgh!

 

[Dayvo]

Good luck, Fletch!

If you can look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say you did you best, then that is the most important praise you can get!

Sure you feel pressured at work at present, but it'll pass and you'll soon wonder what the problem was.

Do, however, try and speak openly and earnestly with your boss(es) about your situation and see if you can find a mutual solution (that doesn't mean you collecting your P45) to benefit both you and them.

 

[ttcycle]

Hi Fletch

Just a quick reply as really drained today.

Don't be afraid to speak earnestly to your bosses; it really is about being able to say when you aren't 100% andor when you need help. That will be the only way to manage it and it's something you needn't do alone.

There is also the disability discrimination act where if you want to you can disclose depression and see if there are adjustments that can be made to keep stress levels lower etc however best to take a witness/trusted colleague into the meeting if this is the route you want to go down.

Good luck let us know how you get on

 

[Fletch456]

Well Fellas,

An update - may be short and may add to it later. My contract was ended. They'd as good as made up their minds before meeting me this morning though the email last night said there was a need to look at options including potentially ending things with me. I was on a contract and actually without paper work and I was happy for it to be like that. So as depressed as I felt earlier and may do for a bit longer, I have enough in the bank for 3-4 months worth of bills and have time to get more cycling in.

The cock up that was my lack of delivery on the last piece of work was the cake and one or two mistakes I had made before could be called the icing. It's a shame for many reasons but I shall move on and learn from it...may come back to post what I am going to learn as sometimes saying it out loud or writing about it, rather than remaining in my head makes it real for me.

It could be a symptom of perhaps not feeling my best but I wish there was more part time work and part time work that paid enough - I feel like I have a thing against Mon-Fri 9-5, as if its a commitment noose around my neck. I am not sure I am describing how it really feels but may be I will happen across something that is part time, covers the bills and therefore lets me cycle more...though the lighter nights help with more cycling..so we shall see. At least I dont have to rush out to get something quickly.

 

[Rebel Ian]

Wow, what an amazing thread. It's not just me that feels like this then .

 

[ttcycle]

Fletch I'm sorry to hear about the job though it's good you have financial safety net.

That may give you a bit of time to find that part tome work that suits you a bit better

 

[661-Pete]

Sorry to hear about your woes, Fletch. If it helps you to keep posting updates on this thread, keep doing so! No-one here will tell you to stop, and if you feel it's helping, it is helping! I can't offer any advice (indeed, when did I ever give anyone good advice?), like the others I can only listen. Sounds like you had the worst possible employer at the worst possible time, and were treated about as badly as anyone can. But others will be different. Good luck!

 

[661-Pete]

As far as I'm concerned, I'm definitely out of the worst, it's been a sort of 'bathtub' curve for me and perhaps now on the rising bit. I shall stop posting about my own stuff on this thread, unless things take another dip. There are 'unfinished' issues regarding the forums but I've put all that behind me. To be obsessive does no-one any good.

TBH I may spend more time on the astronomy forum which I've 're-joined', sort of. Would mean less time on CycleChat. But I shan't desert here altogether. And I'm not on any other cycling forums: no temptation to de-camp.

 

[Fletch456]

... If it helps you to keep posting updates on this thread, keep doing so! No-one here will tell you to stop, and if you feel it's helping, it is helping! ...

Thanks Pete. A good point and reminder.

Variety of things have gone on including those in my head. Overall I am feeling more positive about things than not.

What would people put on an application form (its a pretty basic form so am going to have to add supplementary notes / paper) - when its part time and the job could be seen as the recruiter as below me? As I am imagining I will get rejected as over qualified and when he / she reads I used to be an analyst and previously account manager, leave him / her wondering. This is for a part time job in a garden centre and I have more than the skills they need.

My idea with something that is pt is it will allow me to enjoy the summer (what we have of one weather wise), to go training on my bike and slow the rate at which I use my bank balance (ie happy (I think) - to use my bank balance towards paying bills and to allow me to work shorter hours for a while).

 

[ttcycle]

No harm in trying, if they have a section where you can add more info. Explain what you did above, it makes perfect sense. Basically wanting more work lids balance and a less pressurised work environment. Good luck!

 

[Speicher]

Fletch, your last paragraph is telling me why you do not want to work full-time. All excellent reasons, I would say. But can you think of positive reasons for working part-time. Reasons that you would be able to explain at an Interview, and possibly include briefly in your application.

Lots of people will apply for a part-time job, just because it is a job, and they are seeking any job. You, I think, would need to clarify that you are looking for part-time work. You mention cycling over the summer, is this a temporary job? If it is a permanent job, you may need to be able to explain why you will be continuing after the Autumn.

My suggestion would be to paraphrase the your post above. Then start a new thread in Cafe or somewhere. There are several members of the forum who are in Recruitment. They may be able to offer more advice.

Hope this helps, I am not in any way in Recruitment.

Your reasons for wanting to work part-time are very good ones, but the person in charge of Recruiting is looking at you and your application from a different perspective.

 

[Fletch456]

"Your reasons for wanting to work part-time are very good ones, but the person in charge of Recruiting is looking at you and your application from a different perspective. "


They certainly are Speicher. Thanks for the advice. I've written in CC and held off doing the form as I felt I hadn't come up with the right things yet. I will rephrase and post in the Cafe or similar later.