Ping: fellow depressives

[steve30]

I'm still on the waiting list for counselling at the Doctor's surgery, but she did prescribe some Escitalopram for me.

Seems to be helping with my depression but not the anxiety.

 

[Lisa21]

Steve30-how are you getting on with those, are you not having too much trouble with side effects? I was on them for 2 weeks but felt absolutely horrendous and had to change to something different but am feeling so much better, just a little spaced out and very sleepy

 

[pepecat]

That's what I take (escitalopram) and I think side effects for the first couple of weeks are fairly standard with them, though I apprectiate that different people get on better with different tablets. I took one, yes ONE seroxat and it made me sick as a dog, and so i switched to what i take now and it's been much better.
Side effects with escitalopram generally include: weird metally taste in mouth, nausea, tiredness (I still get really tired about 2 hours after taking one), shakes, increased anxiety, vivid dreams, decreased appetite. There are more......
Good luck with them Steve - hope they work for you!

 

[ttcycle]

It's been suggested by the docs that I take Mirtazapine; I've been avoiding taking it but for most nights not I just keep feeling uncontrollably low and just sitting and crying. I was out on a ride today in the sunshine - didn't feel myself but just got on with it and feeling odd all afternoon and in bits again at night.

What troubles me the most is the fact that whatever I am trying to do given that motivation is so low at times is not working and that I can't shift that horrible low and often that dead empty feeling inside just pervades every day things. Going through art therapy and talking therapy which has been really useful but the mood is just not shifting, not sleeping, having odd dreams and sometimes sleeping too much.

Have been discharged from the psychiatrist as was doing better but made a promise that if it worsened I was to see her and to start the medicine until I felt better and to keep taking it for 6months after that. Had so many problems with medicine and side effects and the fact that they didnt work at all - just dreading the medicine now but don't want things to get as bad as they did back in December.

I really hate this, I want to be myself again.

 

[coffeejo]

I was on Mirtazapine for a while, during one of my Low lows and it really worked, though the side effects were pretty carp - increased appetite, for one.

My mantra is This Too Will Pass. My friends always say "be kind to yourself".

 

[ttcycle]

the low lows is what worries me as they can be very very bad and not always with a predictive trigger. If I lived alone it would be a real concern but thankfully my partner can keep an eye on me and I feel a responsibility for someone else but that is a terrible burden to place on someone else.
I seem to have experienced the side effects more of medication then benefits apart from the first antidepressant that I took.

I hope it passes - even during my more well moments there has always been an edge of lowness...I hope one day this will eventually go or be around less and less but in the overwhelming emotions i sometimes find that I feel overwhelmed and hopeless by my own mind and emotions.

 

[coffeejo]

The last headshrinker I saw said something that made a lot of sense to me, and really helped me kick-start managing myself (I live alone). Basically, that I'm not going to suddenly "get better", as though recovering from a broken leg or even more serious physical injury, but rather than it's more like managing a long-term condition, such as diabetes.

For some reason, this clicked with me and (mostly) helps me endure the lows.

I think that's why I'm enjoying cycling so much. Even if my mood plummets the moment I walk back into the house, for an hour or two, there's nothing but pedalling or free-wheeling: no doctors, no memories, no pain, no emptiness.

 

[ttcycle]

Yes, I'm not expecting a cure as I've always thought and understood it's a continuum; the odd thing is the more work U do, the more I try to understand the worse I feel. I understand what you're saying and am trying to tie in all those bits of knowledge for them to make sense.

I suppose it is very necessary and I must feel bad before the good- kind of a learning curve besides I think it's just needing to feel things as years and years of suppressing it logically can lead to this.

Thanks for the honesty coffeejo.

 

[661-Pete]

Sorry to hear it's not working out TT, if you're back in a low-low we can only wish you all the best to hope to rise out of it again. You will. Can't think what more to say. Use whatever help you can get from those able to offer help.

Today (oops! yesterday) was a particularly 'bad day' for me, one of those in which everything seems to go wrong, and I'm not feeling too well physically at present, but I wouldn't call it a 'low-low' for now. Maybe the low-low which I went into in January-Feb (when I bumped this thread) was a one-off. There was a definite trigger, the YACF abuse business back in January. If that last doesn't happen again (and the shrink has warned me, it might), then I may be able to keep off the low-lows henceforth. I'm hoping to come off the citalopram sometime this year, at any rate.

I'm due to sign off with the shrink at any rate, next Wednesday. I don't seem to be getting much that's proactive out of the sessions. Maybe need a different approach.

 

[steve30]

Steve30-how are you getting on with those, are you not having too much trouble with side effects? I was on them for 2 weeks but felt absolutely horrendous and had to change to something different but am feeling so much better, just a little spaced out and very sleepy

I'm getting on fine with the Escitalopram (10mg/day). Not really had any bad side effects.


It does make me a bit drowsy but not to an extent that it bothers me. 

It seems to have reduced my appetite a bit but I see that as a good thing. I wasn't eating too much before, but rather got hungry too much.

 

[Lisa21]

Steve,good to hear your getting on ok with the tabs,i was on 40mg but just couldnt stay on them as I felt even worse.im now taking 60mg fluoxetine each morning and the difference so far is noticeable. TT,stay strong girlie im thinking about u + hope u start feelin better real soon xxxx

 

[pepecat]

TT - I can only echo what others have already said on here - things do get better. We can't say when, but it will. There are various studies that show that without medication, depression does get better for 4 out of 5 people within 4-6 months.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/depression/depression.aspx (Royal College of Paychiatrists page)

If you are the unfortunate 1 in 5 that doesn't improve, there is, of course, help available - medication, talking etc. I was the 1 in 5 (bummer) and have spent the last two years pinging around the mental health / social services systems. BUT after the first four or five months (which were utterly crap - I can't remember most of them actually), things did improve. From that initial improvement the road back up to 'normal' has been long and slow, but it has been an upward hill.

I guess, in cycling terms, it was a short steep initial 'improve' followed by a loooooonnnng grind of a gradual hill, with many little downs on the way up (if that makes sense) - bit like the profile of the Col de la Croix de fer on the Tour!

 

[ttcycle]

thanks all- I think it's the fact that I think back until my teens and there is always a tinge of depression that hangs around- hence my ability to present as very well to others- partially hiding; partially just coping and actually just being used to looking after myself and developing a bit of a shell that is probably more of a hinderance than a help these days. With many that know me I can be very caring, soft and empathic - I think I just need to be this with myself a more and not so much of an army general putting myself through my paces and being over critical- again this is a complex thing that I understand; just working on changing it. Hence why I shouldn't even bother training for competitive cycling as it gives me an excuse to be a Hitler to myself!


Basically, I think that is the crux of the problem along with the coping mechanism thing- there are complex reasons and explanations for this which I shall not go into on a public forum.

I think I am tough on myself- intellectually and rationally I really do understand the logistics of some things within my own mind and it makes me treat myself badly as I think why can I not fix it? I know this is not good and I'm trying to unlearn it. It indeed is the more wanting to feel better without having overwhelming floods of uncontrolled emotions that would be a good start - it just seems that the more I know it can sometimes be mixed in with not feeling anything and sometimes feeling too much and it being too much. I think it's impatience - there's a lot going on, hence logically yes I am in good reason feeling this way; things have been improving incrementally and I just can't feel good about it. Got some good news today- opened the letter and felt nothing but numbness..that I hate.

 

[pepecat]

Hey tt (and anyone else out there....)
In my experience, being hard on yourself is a) common to fellow depressives (and myself), and b) probably the worst thing we could do to ourselves.
Yeah..... 'I have nothing to be depressed about / other people have worse things going on than I do / I should be able to pull myself together / other people don't react to crap like I do....etc ad infinitum....
We can be harder on ourselves than anyone else can, and it's hard to give ourselves a break. But we kinda need to, cos beating ourselves over the head only makes us feel worse, and then we feel guilty cos we feel crap, and then we beat ourselves up even more, and so the cycle goes on.
Not good.

We need to be patient, and remember that it takes time to recover from depression. It's not always a quick fix (much as we'd like it to be). And remember that for a while we might react more sensitively / erratically / whatever-ly to things, cos our mood is a bit all over the place. And also remember that we may not be the same people we were when we come out the other side of this. Depression changes people - it's certainly changed me. You learn stuff about yourself that you might not want to learn, but ultimately, if it helps you live 'better' (i.e you live in a way that suits you more, and not how you think other people think you should live) then it can only be a good thing.

 

[trio25]

We need to be patient, and remember that it takes time to recover from depression. It's not always a quick fix (much as we'd like it to be). And remember that for a while we might react more sensitively / erratically / whatever-ly to things, cos our mood is a bit all over the place. And also remember that we may not be the same people we were when we come out the other side of this. Depression changes people - it's certainly changed me. You learn stuff about yourself that you might not want to learn, but ultimately, if it helps you live 'better' (i.e you live in a way that suits you more, and not how you think other people think you should live) then it can only be a good thing.

This is a good point, my partner calls me a new and improved version of me since I've been really ill. I'm still not 100% and my never be but I certainly think of others more and am slightly less selfish.