Ping: fellow depressives

[661-Pete]

Been very down these past few weeks.
Maybe the ADs simply don't work, I've been on them six months now. No improvement on depression. Maybe they have tackled some of the anxiety and semi-panic attacks. There have been side effects.

I cannot point to a single cause. One was a bad Xmas in which there was a row with a family member. My sister, as it happens (we have made it up amicably). The very fact that I 'lost it' makes me feel really mean and unpleasant.

Then there was me 'losing it' once again, on this very forum in fact. Same effect on me. But that's public domain.

And, in the last few days, internet abuse, which I really feel is unjustified. From the domain of another forum which I can't name and can't reply to. Why do people do this?

I'm considering counselling now. Expensive but hell what's money for? If I have to cut back on other things wtf? Present a case of anger management, depression, anxiety, wtf? Let the counsellor decide what to do with me. Nail me in a wooden box, that'd be best...

 

[Hacienda71]

Sorry to hear that, try to be positive. Little comfort I know, but it is a tunnel and you will come out the other side. Good Luck.

 

[szygy]

Hi Pete,

being horrible to your friends and loved ones is classic depressive behaviour. Firstly dont blame yourself for behaviour due to depression. Depression tricks you into interpreting all your symptoms into moral or personal faults.
I have sufferred from depressive episodes ranging from moderate to very serious, and when you are in there, it is hard to remember the good times. Things I have found help are: being surrounded by nature (and away from people), eating lots of herring or mackrel, and cycling HARD.
Also I have noticed my depressions are normally preceeded by a period where I reduce my food intake gradually.
If you are using AD's you need to find the right one (IF they work). I tried the SSRI's and others of the newer kind, but these were awful and had no positive anti-depressive action. Eventually I found that low doses of Imipramine has a definite positive effect. Problem is the most quacks will want to give you a much higher dose than I got (10mg), and with much worse consequences. I have only found it necessary to take meds on a few occasions and then only for a few weeks at most, and I personally would not want to take them over long periods.
Given the prevalence of anxiety in your symptoms, could you be suffering from stress also?

 

[661-Pete]

Thanks Hacienda, and thanks Szygy, for your input. I have read it carefully. And thanks also G. for your PM if you're reading this (I shall answer it when I can).

TBH it's the third thing I mentioned, above, which really bothers me. Because it's in part down to others. Bullies and cowards. All I ask is that I be given space so that I can tackle my own stuff! Is that too much to ask?

 

[steve30]

 

I'm considering counselling now.  Expensive but hell what's money for?  If I have to cut back on other things wtf?  Present a case of anger management, depression, anxiety, wtf?  Let the counsellor decide what to do with me.  Nail me in a wooden box, that'd be best...

I went to my new GP the other week regarding anxiety/depression. She referred me for counceling, so I will see how that goes.


Good luck .

 

[Norm]

I would recommend it to anyone who even thinks they may need it. And, whatever else, tell the truth to the counsellor.

They won't be worried about what you say, they won't judge you, they do regularly see much worse but please, unless you tell the truth, they cannot help you.

Oh, another thing, don't take prejudices into the room. If someone had told me before I went that I'd be doing self-hypnosis after only the second session, I'd have laughed at them. But I was and it was (and still is) most excellent.

 

[the snail]

Hi Pete, sorry to hear you've been down. It might be worth asking your doctor about changing your medication - I think ADs are a bit hit or miss with effectiveness/side effects. My gp surgery offers counseling too, although I wasn't that impressed with the counselor. I don't know if you've tried voluntary organisations, but I've had support from Mind, with drop-in group - I can turn up and have a chat with a counselor if I need it, and I think they offer cheap course of counseling too. I also went on a free course with the local nhs, which I found useful - they went through a lot of the common negative thinking that are a feature of depression and I now find it easier to recognise when I am talking myself into depressive downward spiral. Getting out on the bike and enjoying the countryside usually lifts my mood - living in the moment as they say. Look after yourself - because your worth it!

 

[Norm]

TBH it's the third thing I mentioned, above, which really bothers me. Because it's in part down to others. Bullies and cowards. All I ask is that I be given space so that I can tackle my own stuff! Is that too much to ask?

Pete

Sorry if this comes across as being blunt - it's how I prefer people to treat me when I'm affected by it so I tend to pass it on.

You need to create your own space. Internet bullies are cowards but they don't control life, they don't even control the internet. You have control over what you do and where you go, it's your destiny, not someone else's. You don't need anyone's permission to control where and when you visit sites. The ultimate control is to keep away from it but you can do little things like avoiding certain sites, changing usernames, deleting email addresses.

Don't ask for permission, it's yours to take.

Another thought is that it's ok not to be all right all of the time. You don't need to feel good every day of the year, you just need to remember when you're feeling bad that you will feel good again. Maybe you can't see how you'll get there but that's not important, what matters is that you will get there.

Most important of all, though, ironically, is to seek real help from professionals, not from anonymous names on a computer screen. As szygy said in his most excellent post, depression tricks you into misreading signs. If you have got to the point where you think you should speak to someone, you should almost certainly have already started speaking to someone.

 

[Fab Foodie]

Pete
Sorry to hear you're down, but looks like there's a lot of good experience being proffered and hope some of it helps on the road to recovery.

In my own case, the Meds really helped and brought me the mental 'time and peace' I needed to start to turn things around. I also found councelling really good and my only regret was that I cut it short. szygy speaks sense about what the Black-Dog makes you do. I found the meds stopped that and the councelling helped me understand what triggered my moods so that I might better control them. I think managing the triggers is very important, some need avoiding, some need staring in the face and seeing them for what they really are.... usually less than you imagine. If there are issues on-line that bring you down, then find a way around that. Engaging with people that hurt is not essential, especially in cyberspace.

Take it a day at a time, don't be over-ambitious, make a series of small steps towards a better day and be prepared to try different ideas for recovery until you find what works. But, most of all, be good to yourself.

 

[ttcycle]

Another one here! There's been some great words and some real honesty on this forum and it's fantastic to see.

Going through a bit of a bleak time at the moment too but taking it one day at a time myself too.

One thing to remember is that we're all different and to celebrate that. We all respond differently to counselling, medicines and are also more receptive to these at different times of our lives.

There is hope and when you're depressed and it feels like you can't shift out of bed, your head has stopped working and the black fuzz hangs over you it's important to try and remember that you have the strength to change that way of feeling and to make some positive shifts or if needed go with it until you come out of it.

I've got a tendency to post overly long posts so I won't here (also self protection as such fragile mind times in honesty); however, I will finish by saying my ups and my downs have been my unique way of looking at the world- it's tied into how I am creatively, can be a powerful point for expression in a positive way and is the essence of life itself and is integral to the way I work and live. I wouldn't have the highs and the smiles of looking at something amazing if I also didn't have the melancholic moments. Here's to both and making it through those darker moments.

 

[szygy]

Pete,
I am glad if anything I have said can be of assistance, and dont let internet bullies into your thoughts. Those people are sad and pitiable individuals: remember the guy in the states who encouraged someone into suicide? Just feel sorry for them, it much better to be depressed than a horrible person. You will recover, they will slowly rot from the inside. It does sound like you need space away from people, can't you get away to some forest or isolated place sometime? I find that a few hours away from people is profoundly healing in terms of giving perspective.
Also, I really recommend eating a lot of oily fish (mackrel, herring or sardines). The rise in depression over the last 100 years has closely followed the decline in fish eating. It really helps with me.

 

[661-Pete]

Pete,
I am glad if anything I have said can be of assistance, and dont let internet bullies into your thoughts. Those people are sad and pitiable individuals: remember the guy in the states who encouraged someone into suicide? Just feel sorry for them, it much better to be depressed than a horrible person. You will recover, they will slowly rot from the inside. It does sound like you need space away from people, can't you get away to some forest or isolated place sometime? I find that a few hours away from people is profoundly healing in terms of giving perspective.
Also, I really recommend eating a lot of oily fish (mackrel, herring or sardines). The rise in depression over the last 100 years has closely followed the decline in fish eating. It really helps with me.

That's OK, Szygy, just say it's been helpful.

Regarding the 'bully', well there's a hell of a lot more to the story than you might think! Something I really can't be open about, not here! It's about people I know; whom some of you know. I've been into forums now, these past six years and more. I know about flaming and trolling. I think that can be handled. This was worse. Mind-bogglingly worse. The 'evidence' was there for anyone to chance upon, until a day or two ago, when it was deleted.

There. I may have said too much, but I'm trying to get 'closure'. Saying 'too much' helps in that.

I'm not convinced about this aspect of oily fish, sorry, though I eat plenty, for health and other reasons (I like it). Herrings and sprats are one of my favourites, when they're fresh!

 

[pepecat]

Hi Pete

It's definitely worth checking out with your gp to see if they can refer you for any sort of counselling. Better than paying for it! The only thing is, with the NHS there are usually waiting lists, it could take anything up to 6 months before the counselling starts (and sometimes longer...)
If you chose to go 'private' and pay, you can generally start pretty quickly - within a week or two. It's worth looking at the BACP website (British association of counselling and psychotherapy). All the therapists on there have got a recognised professional qualification (I tihnk they have to have, to be a member of the site) so you know you're not getting some quack who thinks they know what they're doing when in fact they don't.
The site also has explanations of the various types of therapies out there - CBT, Person centered, Psychotherapy, Gestalt, Counselling, etc etc..... also good to have a look at as you might find one type of therapy would suit you better than others. I knew I didn't want CBT, so using the search filter things they have, found a therapist who did person centered stuff which suited me much better.
Good luck!

 

[szygy]

Mmmmm herring. There can't be a better reason for eating it than the taste.

Regarding counselling, the NHS only seem to offer group co-counselling round here (sounds like a highly effective way of saving money), and sitting in a room full of people is bad enough, let alone if everyone is depressed. So I didn't take that option.

Pete, is there anyone you know who has suffered depression, to whom you talk? It is such a common malady I would think most folk must have a friend who have had the black dog to stay.

 

[661-Pete]

Mmmmm herring. There can't be a better reason for eating it than the taste.

Regarding counselling, the NHS only seem to offer group co-counselling round here (sounds like a highly effective way of saving money), and sitting in a room full of people is bad enough, let alone if everyone is depressed. So I didn't take that option.

Pete, is there anyone you know who has suffered depression, to whom you talk? It is such a common malady I would think most folk must have a friend who have had the black dog to stay.

Sprats! We had fresh sprats for dinner on Saturday, lovely!, one of my favourite fish, excellent flavour. Preparing them can be a bit fiddly, we prefer to gut them, one by one, but the end result is worth the time! Just coat them in seasoned flour and deep-fry. Serve with a squeeze of lemon. Alas! I'm currently afflicted with a heavy chesty cough, eating the sprats brought on a severe coughing fit and I couldn't finish my plateful. But there was nothing wrong with the fish! Next time?!

I'm more or less settled on the one-to-one counselling, will be seeing the GP on Thursday, and unless he gives me the no-no for any reason, will look around for a suitable counsellor. I have a list of local BACP-registered from which I've picked one or two probables. Will have to go private, I can't wait for the NHS even if I qualify!

Yes, I have done so, talking to other depression sufferers can be some comfort, but in itself it doesn't cure the problem. There is no cure for depression! There are plenty of ways in which one's depression can be made worse, though.
Said enough I think.