Before the article is removed, I'll just repost here for prosperity. Copyright -
Ralph Freeman, /www.narrowboatworld.com
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Bored on board?
Monday, 30 November 2015 09:50
IT'S THIS the time of year, when the stoppages are on and we often can't move our boats even if the weather permitted, so what are we to do to amuse ourselves? Well, I've thought up an activity that will keep your mind active and involves some physical exercise too. Interested? Asks
Ralph Freeman.
The first step (for me at any rate) is to set up a Strava-like web site but for boaters and other towpath users. I'm proposing to call it something catchy like LYBIC which stands for LYcra Brigade In Canal (other suggestions welcome).
King of the Patch
There will be sections of towpath designated 'Patches' and the person who dumps the most Lycra Louts in the Cut (backed up by GPS and photo evidence of course) will have bragging rights and officially have the right to be called the 'King of the Patch'.
Now some of you might be thinking, won't I be prosecuted for Actual Bodily Harm or damage to property (expensive bicycle etc) et al ?
You will be riding too
The answer is almost certainly not! You see, you will be
riding a bicycle too, so you have the law on your side! Recent events have shown you can run over dogs with a bicycle and the RSPCA doesn't mind, or even knock a pensioner down flat and have them loose teeth and not get prosecuted, but hey ho, you are on a bike so that's okay isn't it?
You see it's
their (the victims) fault and that is now official! They didn't get out of
your way! Enough said. (Riding a bicycle apparently creates a 'warp field' around you where common sense and the laws of the land that apply to those on foot no longer prevail). That being the case, I think it's time to apply the old adage "If you can't beat 'em join 'em" but this time with a difference.
Knock a few off
This winter I plan to get myself a cheap mountain bike, put on my winter boating clothing so I look like the Michelin Man (added protection) and see if I can knock a few of the Lycra Brigade off their expensive bikes, with extra points for bike and rider in the Cut or hospitalising the rider for that matter. A touch of Et tu, Brute?
I can't see anything wrong with this, after all CaRT or should that be Sustrans and the Law condone, indeed encourage, physical violence on the towpath don't they?
Now, what is the best type of handlebars for the task in hand ....?
PLEASE—this whole article is obviously 'tongue in cheek' though some are taking it as being serious
