I reckon one of the other 'designs' would prove more effective. Use the dinosaur who is supposed to be monitoring childrens use of computers to stand next to you in a pub and eat anyone who speaks too loudly...and put the goldfish bowls onto the heads of children so they cannot focus on the computer screens.
I should have been a design student really, shouldn't I?
Looks good to me, all I have to do is drill a hole in the bottom, fit a bleed tap, then when I miss my mouth I can drain beer back into my glass. With one of those I could wear a white shirt and drink Guiness and get two or three nights out of the shirt with no dribble marks down the front.
What's wrong with a couple of tin cans with a bit of string between?
And for the smokers, if you fit hatches over all the openings, you could have a quick fag without bothering anyone.