Right, come the revolution...

[Arch]

Heard a trailer for something on Radio4 about technology and someone said "Anyone could start a revolution from a laptop"..

OK, notwithstanding that fact that I'm seated at a desktop PC, because the laptop is at home, I'm going to start a revolution. The whole Inland-Revenue-CDs-getting-lost scandal has been the last straw. I'd had enough of the way things are.

Volunteers, and suggestions for how to create a better order, please. Any aspect of life, what are you going to do to make it work properly, or do you just want to be glorious cannon-fodder in the battle, comrade?

PS: I've deliberately put this here, not in Soapbox, because I'd prefer to laugh than get angrier. So if we could retain a polite civilised manner, I'd appreciate it...

In fact, come the revolution, needlessly rude angry people will be first against the wall (I get to decide what's needless, of course, since I'll be in charge...)

First up. No private car ownership, excect for designated classics for licenced hobbyists (I'll be wanting a panel of comrades to help make that list). There will be state cars, parked on streets and in carparks for anyone to hire on demand via some sort of PIN system and billing (tech-y comrades, invent this please). They'll be of varying sizes, so that if you need to bring a wardrobe home you pick up an estate car or small van, if you only need to drive yourself you pick up a little car. As no-one owns the car they drive, they stop having the territorial rage and one-up-manship we currently see and they can use a suitable car instead of buying a whopping big one to go on holiday once a year, and then driving it empty the rest of the time. And there will be no cars capable of stupidly excessive speed, and nothing that panders to ego. And as there will only be enough for one car per household, people will have to be more organised about trips, or learn to ride a bike.

Secondly. There will be free chocolate, or cheese, up to a weekly ration.

 

[laurence]

all cats can vote

swans too

in fact, all birdlife can vote

humans can't.

although this could be tricky, leading to exclusion zones when "human flu" breaks out... coupled with the smaller (in size and time) for "man flu". the threat of culls might see the end of the latter.

things for us humans... free coffee and bread (the latter so we can go to the park and feed the birds - the bread will be wharbutons seeded batch as they like that).

weekends will be at least three days long... giving us more time to go and feed the birds.

personally, i'd like to see the reintroduction of wolves. sure, beavers are a good idea and it seems to be going well, but wolves would be soooooooo good. in the Arch scheme of things, they can have their own car, one per pack. naturally, it'll be a red hatchback.

 

[Peyote]

First up. No private car ownership, excect for designated classics for licenced hobbyists (I'll be wanting a panel of comrades to help make that list). There will be state cars, parked on streets and in carparks for anyone to hire on demand via some sort of PIN system and billing (tech-y comrades, invent this please). They'll be of varying sizes, so that if you need to bring a wardrobe home you pick up an estate car or small van, if you only need to drive yourself you pick up a little car. As no-one owns the car they drive, they stop having the territorial rage and one-up-manship we currently see and they can use a suitable car instead of buying a whopping big one to go on holiday once a year, and then driving it empty the rest of the time. And there will be no cars capable of stupidly excessive speed, and nothing that panders to ego. And as there will only be enough for one car per household, people will have to be more organised about trips, or learn to ride a bike.

Already here Arch, Car Clubs operate using this technology, just need to make them compulsory.

I do like the idea of separating transport choices from status symbols, but the people would need something else to show off with. Mind you at least if they're showing off with their houses or something else it's safer than their cars!

 

[Peyote]

personally, i'd like to see the reintroduction of wolves. sure, beavers are a good idea and it seems to be going well, but wolves would be soooooooo good.

...and bears. Bears are good too!

 

[laurence]

ooooh, yeah... bears!!!

 

[Smokin Joe]

After my revolution everyone will be given a Ferrari by the government and buses will be banned because they get in the way.

 

[Carwash]

Volunteers, and suggestions for how to create a better order, please. Any aspect of life, what are you going to do to make it work properly, or do you just want to be glorious cannon-fodder in the battle, comrade?

MS Windows will be 'retired', and people will have to use real computers instead. This will end the suffering of millions.

It will be compulsory to have some competence in a second language. Doesn't matter what language, the important part is the ability to think differently and to learn that foreign != wrong.

PS: I've deliberately put this here, not in Soapbox, because I'd prefer to laugh than get angrier. So if we could retain a polite civilised manner, I'd appreciate it...

Probably for the best. My suggestions are also entered in that spirit.

First up. No private car ownership, excect for designated classics for licenced hobbyists (I'll be wanting a panel of comrades to help make that list). There will be state cars, parked on streets and in carparks for anyone to hire on demand via some sort of PIN system and billing (tech-y comrades, invent this please).

This already exists pretty much as you describe it - we had a leaflet through the door about it a few months ago. Forget the name of the company though...

Secondly. There will be free chocolate, or cheese, up to a weekly ration.

Awesome.

 

[Arch]

After my revolution everyone will be given a Ferrari by the government and buses will be banned because they get in the way.

I think after we've had our revolutions, we might have to go to war. It's good to have my foreign policy mapped out nice and early though...

OK, re-introductions of previously native species is good. How far back do we go? Holocene, or pre-holocene? Any excuse to release elephants....

Cats voting though. I think we might have to stockpile tuna against that eventuality, because that's the first thing they'll vote for, free tuna for cats...

Peyote, very good, you are head of technology. Please start work on a device to be implanted in the voiceboxes of excessively loud people, that automatically lowers their volume to normal levels.

Come on, more policies!

 

[Arch]

This already exists pretty much as you describe it - we had a leaflet through the door about it a few months ago. Forget the name of the company though...

Whizz-go?

Yeah, but come the revolution, it'll be Compulsory...

These 'real' computers. Will they have fixed the logo on them so that the leaf is really the same size as the bite taken out? You said once, it isn't and that is really annoying...

 

[Carwash]

These 'real' computers. Will they have fixed the logo on them so that the leaf is really the same size as the bite taken out? You said once, it isn't and that is really annoying...

If you like. But they don't have to be Apple machines - Linux, BSD, Solaris, pretty much anything else will be allowed, according to personal preference. Just not anything from MS.

 

[Twenty Inch]

Classic cars: Traction Avant, 2CV, DS, ID, CX, SM and of course my highly desirable modern classic BX TZD.

All other cars will be swept from the streets and sent for recycling into parts for the above cars. Only people who know what colour LHM is, how to replace a sphere, and how the Citroën double chevron logo was developed, will be allowed to drive one.

Everyone else will be required to stop their bike, horse or walking and bow their heads in awe as these cars sweep by.

OK, Rhythm Thief can keep his H-van too.

Cheese and chocolate distribution will be dependent on how many hours spent restoring a Citroën classic.

This is not meaningless one-upmanship or posturing. This initiative will rapidly contribute to the public good by reinforcing positive ideas of aesthetics, new approaches to engineering, and finally destroying any hankering after soulless Fraud Mundanos.

Eventually everyone will have a new old classic, and be nicer, happier, slightly slower but much more civilised and stylish people.

 

[Fnaar]

all cats can vote

Whilst not wishing to endanger the success of the revolution by introducing factionalism, I hereby declare myself president of the Feline Extermination and Liquidation Institute for the eXtermination of cats (FELIX).

 

[abchandler]

No one should be allowed access to the compulsory car clubs until they've actually spent time walking somewhere, then graduated through lets say a year each of cycle riding and motorbike riding so that they understand what it means to drive in 'mixed' traffic

 

[Twenty Inch]

Fnaar

I support your motives but your approach is unnecessarily confrontational. far better to say that "All cats need to establish their right to vote by successfully making and shooting a functional bow and arrow". As cats don't have opposable thumbs, they will be forever disenfranchised.

They also won't be able to drive Citroëns, for the same reasons.

 

[Carwash]

I support your motives but your approach is unnecessarily confrontational. far better to say that "All cats need to establish their right to vote by successfully making and shooting a functional bow and arrow". As cats don't have opposable thumbs, they will be forever disenfranchised.

Furthermore, cats will have to provide legally binding written statements of intent as to whether they're alive or dead before entering any sealed boxes containing poison gas or radioactive material. This will avoid any ambiguity and will make things a lot simpler for the physicists.