Andrew_P
In between here and there
So beating the crap out of someone years after the event is acceptable human behaviour?
School Bullies
- Thread starter fossyant
- Start date
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Just to give the positive side of things, our school dealt superbly with a growing bullying problem for our son when he went up from Primary. We got him to keep a diary, every day, positive and negative. Including the bus trip home which is where the first violent event happened. At that point I worded a calm but firm email asking for a meeting, stating that I expected the head to attend, asking for a plan of action to be drawn up and stating that the police would be my next reluctant step if nothing happened.
The meeting was excellent. The head of year made real efforts to build a good relationship with Robert. A month later an incident was caught on CCTV and they threw the book very publicly, making it known loud and clear that expulsions were on the cards for any further problems.
That was 3 months ago and we haven't had a single problem since.
The meeting was excellent. The head of year made real efforts to build a good relationship with Robert. A month later an incident was caught on CCTV and they threw the book very publicly, making it known loud and clear that expulsions were on the cards for any further problems.
That was 3 months ago and we haven't had a single problem since.
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
I see, you were referring to Maggott's catharsis, thought you were referring to my example.
I said in my earlier post that I could understand it. I can't condemn him, as I don't know what he went through. However, before we all hang him before he's judged, shall we not take a step back and ponder at the depths that some people sink, driven to despair and suicide at the hands of bullies?
The guy I hit was directly responsible for one kid leaving our school. He'd won a choral scholarship to the school and was very intelligent. He no doubt had an extremely bright future ahead of him. He also had prominent front teeth, so was the instant target of bullies, led by my chum. I remember one instance where he was forced backside first into a litter bin, so that only his head hands and feet were sticking out, then hit repeatedly with knotted school scarves. Remember, this was a boarding school in the early '70s, so poor Semper had no one to comfort him, no family to cry to. We were nine years old in a secondary school, so our tormentors started at age 11. He left after the first term. As I had arrived at the same time as he did they turned their attention to me. I remember telling Matron about one particularly nasty incident, to be told by her that this was just the boys establishing a pecking order, and that I should put up with it.
I put up with it for three years until he punched me that evening. It might also be of interest that that was the last time I ever used my fists in a fight.
Browser
Guru
- Location
- Crowland, Lincolnshire, UK.
As one who was made fun of/bullied in the past, as long as the retribution causes no lasting physical harm then no-one has any right to judge the way an individual deals with their bullying demons as they themselves did not experience the bullying and cannot know how it felt for the victim.
mr_hippo
Living Legend & Old Fart
How would I react if I saw my chief tormentor after 47 years? I do not know!
For those of us who were bullied, it meant years of hell - walking to school in fear, spending the day in fear and walking home in fear and for me the bullying continued at home. My only respite was the bike and spending many happy miles on my own.
For those who say forget it, it happened years ago, move on. that is easier said than done! The brain is a wonderful organ - all of our experiences are in there. How many of you have been asked by one of your kids to help with theit homework have been unable to help but a few minutes later can come up with the answer? Your mind has wandered and has found its way to the back of your brain to a compartment called "5h1T that I will never, ever need" and it was there! Some of us who were badly bullied also have a compartment next door to that that is not only locked and bolted but welded shut and it can sometimes take a huge trigger to open it. Let me give you a good example:-
After leaving school, I joined the Army to get away from the family. The last straw was having to pay board and keep to my mum - no objection to that in principal but.. my elder sister was a cadet nurse, paid mum nothing and dad gave her a few bob a month. My next younger brother started work before me and was earning £7/10/- a week and mum took 10 bob a week off him (50p). I was earning the same and expected the same deal and that new Carlton in the LBS would be mine in a few short weeks but I was badly wrong. Mum took £7 off me and left me with 10 bob!
A few years ago I was home in Bangkok, I was on the computer and my late wife was watching TV when suddenly I went as white as a sheet and started to shake uncontrollably - she thought I was ill and asked me what was wrong but I could not say. It passed after a few minutes but I woke up about 3 in the morning and screamed "I know, I remember". So what had happened?
Earlier my brain had received two messages at the same time and that was enough to open up a very painful memory - a helicopter had flown over the house and at the same time I heard the name Arkwright on the TV.
I was an aircraft fitter in the Army Air Corps, after sitting out class III finals, those who passed were going on 4 days leave and then starting a L/Cpls course. I was walking around the camp and Sgt Arlwright (not his real name) called me over told me that I was top of the class but not to tell anyone. The results were read out the following day - Andy was top, Jack was second and the Captain went all down the list but my name was not mentioned! As the class was dismissed, Andy asked about me and was told that I had to stay behind and see the captain who told me that my score was so bad that he cannot backsquad me, he has to kick me off the course!
About 20 years later, I was on Blackpool prom when a chap approached me and said "Hello, Peter, remember me?" I didn`t so he told me he was Sgt Arkwright and wanted to apologise to me. I did finish top of the class but the captain did not want anyone who stuttered in the Army Air Corps so he doctored my results and I was kicked off the course. I told friends and family a fake reason why I was kicked off and over the years I believed it myself!
We all have these locked and bomb-proof compartments in our heads, who knows what may happen when they are opened! I may have a few more such compartments
For those of us who were bullied, it meant years of hell - walking to school in fear, spending the day in fear and walking home in fear and for me the bullying continued at home. My only respite was the bike and spending many happy miles on my own.
For those who say forget it, it happened years ago, move on. that is easier said than done! The brain is a wonderful organ - all of our experiences are in there. How many of you have been asked by one of your kids to help with theit homework have been unable to help but a few minutes later can come up with the answer? Your mind has wandered and has found its way to the back of your brain to a compartment called "5h1T that I will never, ever need" and it was there! Some of us who were badly bullied also have a compartment next door to that that is not only locked and bolted but welded shut and it can sometimes take a huge trigger to open it. Let me give you a good example:-
After leaving school, I joined the Army to get away from the family. The last straw was having to pay board and keep to my mum - no objection to that in principal but.. my elder sister was a cadet nurse, paid mum nothing and dad gave her a few bob a month. My next younger brother started work before me and was earning £7/10/- a week and mum took 10 bob a week off him (50p). I was earning the same and expected the same deal and that new Carlton in the LBS would be mine in a few short weeks but I was badly wrong. Mum took £7 off me and left me with 10 bob!
A few years ago I was home in Bangkok, I was on the computer and my late wife was watching TV when suddenly I went as white as a sheet and started to shake uncontrollably - she thought I was ill and asked me what was wrong but I could not say. It passed after a few minutes but I woke up about 3 in the morning and screamed "I know, I remember". So what had happened?
Earlier my brain had received two messages at the same time and that was enough to open up a very painful memory - a helicopter had flown over the house and at the same time I heard the name Arkwright on the TV.
I was an aircraft fitter in the Army Air Corps, after sitting out class III finals, those who passed were going on 4 days leave and then starting a L/Cpls course. I was walking around the camp and Sgt Arlwright (not his real name) called me over told me that I was top of the class but not to tell anyone. The results were read out the following day - Andy was top, Jack was second and the Captain went all down the list but my name was not mentioned! As the class was dismissed, Andy asked about me and was told that I had to stay behind and see the captain who told me that my score was so bad that he cannot backsquad me, he has to kick me off the course!
About 20 years later, I was on Blackpool prom when a chap approached me and said "Hello, Peter, remember me?" I didn`t so he told me he was Sgt Arkwright and wanted to apologise to me. I did finish top of the class but the captain did not want anyone who stuttered in the Army Air Corps so he doctored my results and I was kicked off the course. I told friends and family a fake reason why I was kicked off and over the years I believed it myself!
We all have these locked and bomb-proof compartments in our heads, who knows what may happen when they are opened! I may have a few more such compartments
Crankarm
Guru
- Location
- Nr Cambridge
By making this post shows you have NEVER been bullied. Stop trolling.
mr_hippo
Living Legend & Old Fart
Or may have been a bully and is now in fear of his past catching up on him!
Crankarm
Guru
- Location
- Nr Cambridge
Fossy should report this to the police. The bully's most recent behaviour to Fossy Jnr appears to constitute an assault. The school will merely want to protect it's image so may well want to appear to be doing some thing but which in reality will achieve little or nothing. Meeting with the family of the bullies is a no-no imho.
The main bully may well be a benign bully who can be stopped with a left jab and an upper cut, but the bully might be a budding serious pyscho who will not take kindly to this, especially given the background you describe he is from. This may escalate and could have a tragic end if not dealt with sensibly. Fossy should still report this to the police. I don't think there is any likelihood that the school will stop this. Or if the police then fail to satisfactorily sort this out, then you have to sort it out yourself .................. solicitor's letter to the school for starters.
The main bully may well be a benign bully who can be stopped with a left jab and an upper cut, but the bully might be a budding serious pyscho who will not take kindly to this, especially given the background you describe he is from. This may escalate and could have a tragic end if not dealt with sensibly. Fossy should still report this to the police. I don't think there is any likelihood that the school will stop this. Or if the police then fail to satisfactorily sort this out, then you have to sort it out yourself .................. solicitor's letter to the school for starters.
Crankarm
Guru
- Location
- Nr Cambridge
The thought did cross my mind. He might well still be a practising bully. By making such a provocative and insensitive post, having seen and read the posts here which clearly show that bullying has had a devastating effect on those who have been subjected to it he seeks merely to perpetuate the bully-victim abuse.
summerdays
Cycling in the sun
- Location
- Bristol
I think give the new school a chance to sort it out before calling in the police. I think at this stage in your son's primary school's career I wouldn't get your hopes up on their response, aim to get the secondary school on side. It won't be just your son that will be affected by this bully.
OP
OP
fossyant
Ride It Like You Stole It!
- Location
- South Manchester
The Police are coming to see us tomorrow. We reported yesterday. We attended the High School last night for a new 'starters' meeting. Anyway, my son has ended up with a group of 4 good friends from his class - all were very pleased - two live very close to us. We are arranging to see the Year Head next week, but also introduced ourselves to the Chaplain and the Head Teacher. We mentioned we thought we may report it, and the Head actually said in these cases, it is usually best.
I expect no more than a call round to the houses (much like us cyclists might expect after a road rage incident). The shock of this may just stop them, especially the two accomplices.
Only saw one of the kids mums, and she looked rather sheepish. Oh no apology directly from any, only 'via the primary'.
I expect no more than a call round to the houses (much like us cyclists might expect after a road rage incident). The shock of this may just stop them, especially the two accomplices.
Only saw one of the kids mums, and she looked rather sheepish. Oh no apology directly from any, only 'via the primary'.
MontyVeda
a short-tempered ill-controlled small-minded troll
- Location
- Lancaster... the little city.
yes I do get it actually. I've been there on the wrong end of a bully for five years, then i left school: the happiest day of my life and started a YTS, only to endure another 2 years of workshop bullying, this time by grown men and not a kid of my own age.. I know what it does to self esteem, I know what it does to sense of self... but did it turn me into a thug, hell bent on hunting down my aggressors into middle age and leathering them, just to make me feel better? Thankfully not.
two wrongs do not make a right... according to my mum.
OP
OP
fossyant
Ride It Like You Stole It!
- Location
- South Manchester
Police have now been into School. Head didn't want to pass on 'contact' details to the Police (like she has an option). Sounds like the Head isn't happy as she spoke to my wife this morning. The Head has phoned the kids parents to let them know the Police will call. Why is is we are worrying ? - it's the kids parents who need to get a grip of their children's behaviour.
This Head only cares about her Ofstead. We are off to the High School to speak to the Deputy Head tonight.
We won't let this lie as both schools have a particularly bad reputation for dealing with bullying effectively. Far too 'light handed' approach.
This Head only cares about her Ofstead. We are off to the High School to speak to the Deputy Head tonight.
We won't let this lie as both schools have a particularly bad reputation for dealing with bullying effectively. Far too 'light handed' approach.
My youngest son had 'bully me' written all over him. At all the schools I'd gone to, he would have been the type of kid to be mercilessly bullied but amazingly, he never was and never has been. He's had some effective way of disarming anyone with malice, apparently and this came as news to me as obviously he'd never needed to use it on us, never having any malice to him.
His older brother though, on the face of it 'one of the lads', was victimised by a bigger, older kid who once held him down on the school bus and shaved off his sideburns to way above his ears to make him look like Hamlet. So what I did was to wait at the stop after my son got off the school bus, at which time it became a normal service bus and the bully had a couple more stops to go. The bully was 16 at the time. So I went and sat right behind him and told him in no uncertain terms that as I was Mystic Meg (big at the time), I could predict with some certainty what the outcome was going to be should he continue his bullying. My mystic powers proved to be spot on and the lad made overtures to befriend my son. Sometimes, provided the bully/s aren't too young, direct intervention is the way to go.
His older brother though, on the face of it 'one of the lads', was victimised by a bigger, older kid who once held him down on the school bus and shaved off his sideburns to way above his ears to make him look like Hamlet. So what I did was to wait at the stop after my son got off the school bus, at which time it became a normal service bus and the bully had a couple more stops to go. The bully was 16 at the time. So I went and sat right behind him and told him in no uncertain terms that as I was Mystic Meg (big at the time), I could predict with some certainty what the outcome was going to be should he continue his bullying. My mystic powers proved to be spot on and the lad made overtures to befriend my son. Sometimes, provided the bully/s aren't too young, direct intervention is the way to go.
Linford
Guest
##
My older borther was a bully (6 years older). A thoroughly nasty (diagnosed) psychopath who threw his weight around both at home and in school. He was expelled from school when 14 for headbutting another boy who subsequently required plastic surgery to correct the damage, and then spent the rest of his years at a reform school. He was also convicted of ABH against my sister, and left her scarred for life, and spent many years dodging prison.
My father whilst no push over was terrified I was going to go the same way, and told me that it would take more of a man to walk away than to stand and fight (he boxed for his regiment as a young man in India against the Gurkha' oppo's, and I saw him flatten someone who was nearly a foot taller than he when he came around and offered him out)
It turned out that this was spectacularly bad advice, and I had a miserable time in school and got into many fights where people who thought I was a soft touch would try it on.
It took until I was about 14 before the penny dropped with them, and they left me alone.
