Share your 'best' near death experience story

[Drago]

I am actually dead, but my cadaver has been reanimated as part of a black military project.

 

[ColinJ]

I met someone once who'd had a very close brush with death on his bike, who possessed a penis at the time (and probably still does, though I didn't ask him!) and there was clearly an element of 'waving' going on. Given that he hadn't even reached puberty though, I think he can be forgiven for not knowing any better ...

I got chatting to a Norwegian student at university. Apparently, one summer when he was a lad, he cycled to a ski resort with his mates. They were looking at a big ski jump and one of those 'mates' dared him to ride his bike down it. Being young, foolish and wanting to show off, he agreed to do it...

He remembered thinking at one point that perhaps that wasn't the best decision he'd ever made! He landed badly and the bike disintegrated beneath him. I can't remember the full list of his injuries but it certainly included broken arms and legs, collar bones, ribs, fractured skull, internal bleeding. He spent the best part of a year in hospital.

I reckon that he was very lucky to survive. The way I look at it - cowardice exists for a reason!

 

[Dirk]

Near death experience? Who can say if it would have resulted in fatality?
If, by use of the phrase, it is meant to mean an experience that could possibly have been fatal if the circumstances had been minisculely different, then I've lost count of the number of close shaves I've had.

 

[Alan O]

I walked past a funeral parlour yesterday.

 

[Fab Foodie]

I walked past a funeral parlour yesterday.

 

[gaijintendo]

I met someone once who'd had a very close brush with death on his bike, who possessed a penis at the time (and probably still does, though I didn't ask him!) and there was clearly an element of 'waving' going on. Given that he hadn't even reached puberty though, I think he can be forgiven for not knowing any better ...

There's now a downhill snow cycling race on the Alpe d'Huez. Looks like great fun!

 

[Blue Hills]

I left a New Year's Eve party quite angry a few years back. I slammed the front door, one of those old Victorian type ones, turned and thumped my hand against it as hard as I could. It turned out that plate glass isn't that hard, and not only had I slashed up my arm putting it through I had impaled the underside as well

Withdrawing my arm slowly, and some what in shock, I watched jets of blood literally leap from my arm in fountain-like fashion and splattered on the ground. I figured that meant "artery".

As I lay on the street outside I heard several phrases you never really want to hear... "They can't send an ambulance, they're all busy!!", or "Don't close your eyes! Don't go to sleep!" For example.

As it happened someone eventually managed to flag down an ambulance that happened to be going down a nearby street, and I didn't die.

I don't know why you'd want to hear that story, but you did ask

Hell, some new year. Can we ask what made you so angry?

 

[classic33]

I walked past a funeral parlour yesterday.

Went by two, is it something just cyclists do?

 

[SpokeyDokey]

I've survived Man Flue.

I had no idea chimneys were sexed - just off to check mine now.

 

[Drago]

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

 

[Tin Pot]

Hell, some new year. Can we ask what made you so angry?

No.

But for any teenage guys reading, don't take your relationships with women too seriously

 

[Mugshot]

My nearest death experience.

I'd been to see Iron Maiden in Nottingham. I'd had a bit to drink, and was feeling quite peckish. Couldn't find a kebab ship anywhere, but eventually stumbled across a chippy off the edge of the market square.

I stagger inside and eventually the alcoholic fog clears enough that I sense something is amiss. I look up to discover that I, the large skinhead gentleman wearing a Fred Perry, had wandered in to a West Indian foodie place, and a dozen or so burly looking rastas were giving me some very unpleasant looks.

I managed to escape alive, somehow, but after that my appetite had vanished.

Not really cycling related in any way, but that's probably the closest I've ever come to being stabbed and chucked in a skip.

You should have mentioned you were Old Bill, I'm sure you would have got your kebab then.

 

[KnackeredBike]

I don't know why you'd want to hear that story, but you did ask

Arms/hands can be a surprisingly bountiful source of blood.

A few years ago I was working with a Stanley knife, slipped, and cut my hand right down to the bone.

Perhaps mildly affected by shock I decided it was stupid calling an ambulance just for a cut hand, but that I didn't really have time to call a friend.

So I jumped in the car, hand outside the window, and drove to the hospital without stopping at any red lights, leaving a trail of blood along the road.

When I eventually got to A&E I collapsed on the reception desk in a big pool of blood and of course immediately had a team of doctors and nurses around me.

Other than a nice scar on my hand no lasting harm done.

 

[Cronorider]

Hell, some new year. Can we ask what made you so angry?

He mentioned that he was having trouble getting up hills on his bike, and he was was told that he was too dumb to use his gears properly, and furthermore, his problem was purely a mental deficiency and that he should just grow a pair.

 

[Gixxerman]

Mine is not cycling related - sorry.
A few years back I was attempting to traverse the Black Cullin Ridge on the Isle of Skye with 2 climbing buddies (yes the ridge featured in Danny Megaskills "Ridge" video).
In that video, he can be seen riding along Collie's ledge (actually it should be called Hart's ledge as he was the first to traverse it).
Now for the uninitiated, this is a very narrow ledge that skirts round the midriff of Sgurr Mich Choinich. It has horrible exposure and a fall of several hundred metres. We were trying to find the start of the ledge, which is tricky as it ascends in the "wrong" direction initially before traversing back left and round Sgurr Mich Choinich and visibility was not good which added to the problems. After a while, my 2 climbing buddies had found the ledge and were shouting directions from above as to where I should go. However, for some reason I decided that I could climb the rock face directly in front of me to get to where they were. This was a climb of no more than 20m of a rock grade I estimate as moderate. Things were going well until I was within a metre or so of attaining the ledge, and I could easy see my awaiting buddy. Then without warning the rock I was pulling on with my left hand came away from the face and I started to fall backwards. This would have been a fall of 20m then a bounce at the Bealach, then most likely a further fall of 100m or so, thus most likely fatal. As I was falling me and my buddy were staring directly into each others eyes and the look of shock and horror on his face was plainly visible and not something that I will ever forget. Any way, there was lots of flapping about and somehow, I'm stll not sure how, I managed to grasp another hand hold to prevent me falling. Another second later and I would have gone, it was that close. After I had recovered, I completed to climb to the ledge and I stood there with jelly legs. Strangely, very little was said between us. "I thought you were gone" he said. "Yeah, so did I." I replied. After that we decided to call it a day and bivvied overnight and abandoned the attempt the next morning. I made another attempt at the ridge 2 years later with another mate and made it (we avoided the ledge by climbing the King's Chimney).