Shouted at.... How rude!

[Lanzecki]

I find that 'Your wife wasn't complaining last night' is a sufficient retort.

My wife ALWAY complains. Oh, Hang on...

 

[hennbell]

Best response is to act confused, you don't understand what they want.
If they stop, which is unlikely, keep cycling.

In an argument people ignore words that are shouted, but strain to hear words that are spoken softly.

 

[tomahawk]

"Get a proper car!" could work nicely on their inner hidden inferiority complex.

 

[400bhp]

It's a shame when you think of the perfect thing to say after.

I went to the pictures the other night and in a quiet bit someone vocally complained that someone else should 'stop doing' something. I decided there and then that if I'm even on the receiving end of some fella moaning about me 'doing something' my reply will be 'only if you can keep your hands to yourself honey'..

Not heard it called that for a long time.

 

[Peteaud]

Laugh and wiggle your pinky finger.
Works a charm. You have a bit of fun at his expense and you just issued him the ultimate insult, win win.

Its what i do.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Not heard it called that for a long time.

I'm a very old man in an old man's body.

 

[NormanD]

"I see your small penis has a big dick attached to it" seems to work ..confuses them too

 

[TonyEnjoyD]

Blow him a kiss and a wave...

You beat me to it Gambatte

 

[TonyEnjoyD]

It's a shame when you think of the perfect thing to say after.

I went to the pictures the other night and in a quiet bit someone vocally complained that someone else should 'stop doing' something. I decided there and then that if I'm even on the receiving end of some fella moaning about me 'doing something' my reply will be 'only if you can keep your hands to yourself honey'..

Best I ever thought of on the spot was following a very close pass by a taxi outside of work and the taxi was dropping a colleague off.
I pulled alongside and asked him nicely to not drive too close and he responded with... I gave you leads of space, I have a bike as well"
I quickly replied... " I have a car at home but I don't drive it like a prick" then rode off to the cycle shelter with a grin on my mush.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Best I ever thought of on the spot was following a very close pass by a taxi outside of work and the taxi was dropping a colleague off.
I pulled alongside and asked him nicely to not drive too close and he responded with... I gave you leads of space, I have a bike as well"
I quickly replied... " I have a car at home but I don't drive it like a prick" then rode off to the cycle shelter with a grin on my mush.

When I was about 15 years old I emerged after playing a bit of a rough gig in a local village hall. The local yobbos (who now I come to think of it were legally adults) were 'after us' so decided to lay in wait for us. As we were leaving the lead yobbo shushed his mates and stood in my way, and while stood no more then six feet in front of me shouted, "Andrew ____ sucks cocks!"
My response was simple but effective and allowed me to walk through untouched, mainly because the head numpty's mates were too busy laughing to impede my progress. My response? I simply clearly and volubly replied,
"And you still owe me fifteen quid for it."

 

[Twilkes]

Ironically, I did get shouted at last night – I was stuck behind a hazard-flashing-parked taxi, and in a huff and a rush I glanced back and rode around it, to get honked at by a car that I guess I didn’t know how close it was (my bad, although I don’t think it was dangerously close). Think the guy was a bit shocked and was letting off steam, underlining that it was a dangerous thing to do, so I responded with various combinations of ‘I’m sorry, I made a mistake’. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t ask him if I had installed his broadband. 8-)

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Ironically, I did get shouted at last night – I was stuck behind a hazard-flashing-parked taxi, and in a huff and a rush I glanced back and rode around it, to get honked at by a car that I guess I didn’t know how close it was (my bad, although I don’t think it was dangerously close). Think the guy was a bit shocked and was letting off steam, underlining that it was a dangerous thing to do, so I responded with various combinations of ‘I’m sorry, I made a mistake’. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t ask him if I had installed his broadband. 8-)

Ha, the oft unmentioned truth that sometimes us cyclists know we've made a mistake Kudos to you sir!

 

[JayBear]

Best I ever heard (though storing it up for when it happens to me at which point I'll claim it was my own work)

"Oi, get that ruddy bike out of the road you .?@!$£! idiot" Says Discovery driver.

"You get out of the road!"

"This is a car, I'm supposed to be here you get on the path,"

"I'm riding a road bike, you are driving an off-road car, so who's in the right place? Go forth and multiply."

 

[Brains]

On the last sky ride with 1,000 cyclists going along a 30mph dual carriageway, cyclists mostly keeping to the left lane
Seeing a 4x4 coming up fast from behind deliberately cutting close to the cyclists Trying to force them to ride into the gutter I moved out to force him out into the outer lane.

Him " Get out of the way of the traffic"
Me " We are the traffic!"

 

[Black Country Ste]

I was riding primary on a short uphill stretch of six-lane dual carriageway last weekend while being gated by a hackney cab. Somebody in a car passing me in lane two shouted "footpath!" at me.

It was away before I could even think about thinking of a retort so had a little giggle to myself and thought nothing more of his muppetry.