Dear Worcestershire County Council:
This letter precedes a package that will be delivered by Parcel Force shortly.
I took part in an Audax (organised cycle event) on Saturday. Whilst it was great run to ride 75 miles of some of the finest quiet roads in England, observing some of the wonderful countryside you have in your great county, when I got home, I found I had inadvertently taken a good proportion of your wonderful roads home with me to Birmingham. I carefully washed my bike of all this grime last night, and centrifuged out the non-water component. Please will you accept with my apologies my light-fingered (light-framed?) attitude towards your wonderful road, and agree to return the grime from whence it came, without taking any further action.
Oh, and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not add any on the lane from Addis Lane to Elmbridge. That hill there is totally unnecessary and far too steep already.