oooh...poor darlings...where do we sign up to the relief fund.....
A massive storm hit the Essex Town of Basildon causing over 30 million pounds worth of improvements
In an attempt to restore normal life, local authorities are working around the clock with civil engineers to restore power to the mobile phone masts.
Local resident Tracy Wannabe said “It was like the worst day of my life, right. You know, I was texting my mate right when like my phone, right went off all of a sudden, right. It’s like so unfair, right. One minute it woz working and then it woz like nuffink”
Spokesman for Essex police Norman Plod said “Despite the enormous devastation I am pleased to say that none of the counties fifteen thousand speed cameras have been damaged”. He went on to say “Falling debris from a house in Vange triggered one of the cameras and we will be speaking to that resident in due course”
Black marketeers wasted no time and within two hours of the quake, tubs of curried flavour pot noodles had risen to over £5.00 each. A local supermarket was looted. Amongst the items stolen were ten bottles of Chablis, three tins of red salmon and a copy of the Times. Police say that acting on intelligence they are looking outside the district for the culprits.
Another local man Mr Angry said, “This is outrageous, I warned the council about this. I said that only collecting recycled waste once every two weeks would lead to disaster. I sent them over two hundred letters and they just ignored them all”
More news as it comes in and please remember £5 supplies sunny delight for a starving chav for a day.
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. I prefer to think that there is bad weather everywhere, all the time, but everyone else is in denial... You know, like people claiming they cycle commute regularly in Glasgow without getting wet 
