The Drago manifesto

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HMS_Dave

Grand Old Lady
In addition to the fine suggestions made by Drago and others:

All cars have their horns removed and replaced with a gentlemanly excuse me (can be replaced to female for those concerned)

Road Rage to be punished with years of hard labour building proper cycling infrastructure ( no shortage of labour here)

Motorists must all carry a cycle rack and refreshments and offer free lifts for knackered bicycles and/or riders to a destination of their choice within a reasonable distance (150 miles)

Calorie free pies to be invented that are not invisible

Drivers caught on their mobile devices must eat it after being caught and observed to ensure all parts are consumed

All drivers caught not wearing seat belts must watch at least 2000 hours of the film Red Sonia with no breaks. Bucket, stale bread and mildly filtered canal water provided.

Columbo AKA Peter Falk to be brought back from the dead to investigate Hit and Runs that elude the police with the inevitably captured having to sweep the sunshine off the roads and pavements for the next 100 years.

Pedestrians and joggers caught walking with or without their mobile phones that wonder into roads and cycle lanes are to be charged with furious pedestrianism which carries a 'dinner with Nick Ferrari in a jockstrap' punishment.

Politics is easy.
 
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Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
Excellent suggestions from my new minister for cycling.

May I add another? In the event a hit and run, the last person to drive by the cyclist before the offender must pay the rider compensation.
 
I think on each cycle owned, up to a limit of 8 bikes.

Removing parking bays may be a bit draconian. I'd suggest a flat fee for use of one pound per minute off peak, increasing to a tenner a minute at peak rates.

Bakfietsen should qualify for double payments to the owner, but apart from that I'm wholeheartedly in agreement.
 
And to reduce pollution, noise, danger and wear on infrastructure, cars will only be driven with their engines switched off.
Just to close any loopholes: coasting in neutral or with the clutch in is - or at least used to be - an immediate fail in the driving test, but should also be made illegal.
 

Salty seadog

Space Cadet...(3rd Class...)
Only people aged 50 or above, either balding or bearded, will be deemed mature enough to apply for driving lessons.

Like yourself I'm balding and bearded. Can I have two cars please.?

Bugger, I'm only 45.
 
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Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
Indeed. Youngsters who want to drive will need to complete national service before being permitted the privilege of a licence. 9 years in the Queens Royal Suicide Regiment should be about right.
 
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