The Drivers' Survival Guide: Dealing with fog


London, UK
Drivers, cast your minds back to when you passed your driving test. Here are some refreshers to use in this morning's fog.

1. You must be courteous to other road users and drive as fast as you can. You know you have the skill level to conquer that 300hp speed-machine as you grab-that-gap in the traffic that takes you past that pesky driver with a mere 250hp car (puh, peasant!).

2. Red traffic lights: look, let's get one thing clear. Red usually signals, danger, stop, caution. But not if hold a valid driving license. In that case it means just go on right ahead. Typically you can have between 5-10 seconds leeway after the lights have gone red. Yellow/amber means proceed just above the speed limit if possible otherwise slightly below is acceptable. Under no circumstances should you stop, as this will cause a massive inconvenience to other road users. BTW green lights mean the speed limit has been temporarily increased twofold. This is ensure your engine gets sufficiently warmed up thus increasing efficiency and helping with global warming.

3. Don't forget to use your phone to call your boss and tell him/her you will be slightly early for once due to your new-found assertive driving style. If you are in Sales, your boss will love your assertive style "wow what a go getter he is". If you ever feel that talking and driving is unsafe, then go ahead and send a text message as well. Ensure you have a good look at your screen before sending the message - we don't want those silly auto spelling corrections to get in the way. And ensure you send it to the right person; we don't want your boss to accidentally get the text message that was not intended for him: "my boss is a muppet".

4. Feel free to continue parking on double-yellow lines and occasionally use your I'll-just-be-two-ticks flashers aka hazzard flashers, usually because they are used when you are causing a hazzard. But don't worry yourself about that little tidbit, especially if you have parked your car completely on the footpath as opposed to half footpath and half road. The hazzard flashers are especially required during this dangerous foggy weather.

That's all for now and don't forget, your rear view mirrors are entirely optional so change lanes/direction/turn whenever and whereever you like.


Smile a mile bike provider
Sounds about right

Ajax Bay

East Devon
The driver 'crawling along' in front must be half blind. Surely they can see that the road ahead is clear for many yards. And they haven't even got their lights on full beam so I can see that it's safe to pass and get on with life. There's a reason the national speed limit is 60 and not less for this 'normal' country road.
PS Agree with turning off rear fog lights as soon as there's no need for them.


Flouncing Nobber
How the great British public interpret the fog driving advice...

1. Ensure you have only bald tyres fitted.

2. Switch off all vehicle lights.

3. A good stiff drink or three will steady your nerves.

4. Tailgaiting the car in front will give you the reassurance that you are following someone who can see.

5. Under no circumstances should any windows be de iced or de misted.

6. don't bother with trifles such as a licence or insurance. You're a superior driver and don't need either to prove it.

7. Front fog lights don't do anything useful during day time fog driving, but leave them on anyway. All year round.


Über Member
I’ve got a big SUV get out of my way you peasant. I’ve got four wheel drive means I can drive like a knob in any conditions.
Don’t believe in climate change look it’s cold today.


Above all, ensure that you pay proper respect to cars of a more prestige marque or model or ones with better specifications than yours. You expect respect from lower status drivers as a matter of course so obey the rules.


London, UK
And please, PLEASE, turn your fog lights off when fog has gone or you're clear of it!!!

Your car does not look, "cool", for having them on, they are an extreme annoyance and a hazard on wet nights!
What happened to those yellow front foglights some cars had in the 90s?
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