Billloudon
New Member
- Location
- Escocia
gbb said:One from my granson this evening, one i hadnt heard before...
What do you call a three legged donkey ?
A 'wonkey'
Taxi for gbb!
The Joke Thread
- Thread starter Billloudon
- Start date
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Taxi for gbb!
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
levad said:
and no cock?
Still no fukking idea!
WindyRob
Veteran
- Location
- On the doorstep to the Southdowns
a man with no arms or legs in the sea...... Bob
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
JiMBR said:Dave...you've taken that too far
I often do!
The man who lived in a paper bag: Russell
The man with no lower legs: Neil
The woman with one leg shorter than the other: Eileen
The man who always cut himself shaving: Nick
Ashtrayhead
Über Member
- Location
- Belvedere, Kent.
A book fell and hit me on the head today.
I've only myshelf to blame.
I've only myshelf to blame.
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Speicher said:
yenrod said:And I thought, Speicher, you where a lady
I would have been outside the pub, he is not allowed to smoke inside the pub.
I cannot imagine what else you were thinking. 
Ashtrayhead
Über Member
- Location
- Belvedere, Kent.
Some Tommy Cooper classics.......................
A lorry knocked my wife over the other day. I said to the driver 'Why didn't you go round her?' He said 'I didn't have enough petrol'
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She'd been in the beauty shop......for 2 hours! And that was just for the estimate.
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She told me once 'I'd go to hell and back just for you' I said ' You don't have to come back just for me'
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One day I went to the doctors and said ' Can you give me some sleeping pills for my wife?' He said 'Why'. I said' She just woke up'
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A bloke knocks at a door and said 'Hello, is Charlie in?' The woman replied 'Charlie died last night' He says ' He didn't say anything about a pot of paint, did he?'
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A lorry knocked my wife over the other day. I said to the driver 'Why didn't you go round her?' He said 'I didn't have enough petrol'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She'd been in the beauty shop......for 2 hours! And that was just for the estimate.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She told me once 'I'd go to hell and back just for you' I said ' You don't have to come back just for me'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day I went to the doctors and said ' Can you give me some sleeping pills for my wife?' He said 'Why'. I said' She just woke up'
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A bloke knocks at a door and said 'Hello, is Charlie in?' The woman replied 'Charlie died last night' He says ' He didn't say anything about a pot of paint, did he?'
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Noodley
Guest
A man goes to the doc where he gets told "You have Yellow 24, so called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live".
So he goes home and tells his wife and asks her what she would like to do on their last ever night together. His wife says "For 30 years I have gone to the bingo on my own and you have never been with me, come with me tonight". So off they go.
The man has a blinder - first he wins 20 quid, then 100 quid, then 500 quid. When it comes to the National game he's on a roll and scoops the Jackpot of half a million.
He's asked up on stage and gets asked how long he has been playing.
"It's my first time" he replies.
"Wow, you must be the luckiest man alive" replies the caller.
"Lucky?!! Lucky?!!! I've got Yellow 24."
"**** me, you've won the raffle as well...."
So he goes home and tells his wife and asks her what she would like to do on their last ever night together. His wife says "For 30 years I have gone to the bingo on my own and you have never been with me, come with me tonight". So off they go.
The man has a blinder - first he wins 20 quid, then 100 quid, then 500 quid. When it comes to the National game he's on a roll and scoops the Jackpot of half a million.
He's asked up on stage and gets asked how long he has been playing.
"It's my first time" he replies.
"Wow, you must be the luckiest man alive" replies the caller.
"Lucky?!! Lucky?!!! I've got Yellow 24."
"**** me, you've won the raffle as well...."
Dave5N
Über Member
- Location
- Outside The Little Nibble
Noodley said:
Tea stains on the carpet
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Bloke goes to the Doctor, who says "I've got your test results back, do you want the good news or the bad news?"
"Give me the bad news first Doctor."
"OK, the results confirm that what you have is incurable, untreatable, and fatal. You haven't got long to live, perhaps a week at best, and I'm sorry to say it's going to be very painful"
"So there's absolutely nothing you can do about it?"
"No, I'm sorry."
"Bloody hell, what could possibly be the good news?"
"Did you see the receptionsit when you came in?"
"Yes"
"The one with the blonde hair and huge breasts?"
"Yes, what about her?"
"I'm shagging her."
"Give me the bad news first Doctor."
"OK, the results confirm that what you have is incurable, untreatable, and fatal. You haven't got long to live, perhaps a week at best, and I'm sorry to say it's going to be very painful"
"So there's absolutely nothing you can do about it?"
"No, I'm sorry."
"Bloody hell, what could possibly be the good news?"
"Did you see the receptionsit when you came in?"
"Yes"
"The one with the blonde hair and huge breasts?"
"Yes, what about her?"
"I'm shagging her."
