The 'OOOH I bet that stings a bit' thread

[User]

 

[vernon]

I'm in empathetic pain.

My dose of cellulitis felt like the first dog's predicament from my ankle to my knee.

Poor pooches.

 

[Fnaar]

My right knee, coupla yrs ago.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

My right knee, coupla yrs ago.

Carpet burns from shaggery?

 

[Julia9054]

Just had the top of my ear pierced.
I thought some sort of anaesthetic would be involved. No!

 

[growingvegetables]

Eeek - been there, done something similar.

Went swimming off a beach near Dakar. Nearing my limits, did the obvious thing - stopped, and put my feet down. In a bed of sea urchins.

While you are all having a quiet snigger, just think what your body's first reaction is going to be. Lift your feet? Land in the sea urchins, bum first? Yup.

My a**e, legs, and feet looked similar. Two weeks lying on my front. Despite my other half gently extracting the hundreds of spines, ever so carefully (did she HECK!), they turned nastily septic.


There was a good ending. Sea urchins taste delicious - and I will eat them now at any and every opportunity!

 

[vernon]

Reminds me of my son's misfortune with a large cactus of mine.

Sequence of events.

1. Son knocks cactus off windowsill
2. Son catches cactus to stop it hitting the floor
3. Son drops cactus
4. Son picks up cactus forgetting that he's not wearing protective gloves
5. Son drops cactus.

Yelping accompanied 2,4 and 5.

 

[fossyant]

Reminds me of my son's misfortune with a large cactus of mine.

Sequence of events.

1. Son knocks cactus off windowsill
2. Son catches cactus to stop it hitting the floor
3. Son drops cactus
4. Son picks up catus forgetting that he's not wearing protective gloves
5. Son drops catus.

Yelping accompanied 2,4 and 5.

I'm sorry, but I just fell about laughing. I am a bad man.

 

[vernon]

I'm sorry, but I just fell about laughing. I am a bad man.

Don't feel guilty. I listened to the live soundtrack and cried with laughter when I investigated and found the cause. I am a bad dad.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

 

[Tim Hall]

Reminds me of my son's misfortune with a large cactus of mine.

Sequence of events.

1. Son knocks cactus off windowsill
2. Son catches cactus to stop it hitting the floor
3. Son drops cactus
4. Son picks up cactus forgetting that he's not wearing protective gloves
5. Son drops cactus.

Yelping accompanied 2,4 and 5.

Is he/are you Gerrard Hoffnung?

 

[fossyant]

As a kid, electric ciggy lighter in car. Wonder how this works. Push it in, then it pops out. Wonder if it's hot ? Ciggy lighter shaped burns later. Flung the lighter from my hand, bear in mind it was hot and landed 'somewhere' in the car. Scrabbled round and found it. Had to open car doors before my mum came back as it stunk of burnt flesh.
Doh.

 

[vernon]

Is he/are you Gerrard Hoffnung?

A version of tale used to circulate in text form back in the days when the Internet was viewed in black and white text with hyperlinks in green or blue using Lynx browsers or terminal emulators.

A quick Google indicates that it's been around since the 1920s

 

[subaqua]

Slipped on stairs this morning. Little toe on RHS hit the stringer. And bent backwards sideways. Was quite loose n floppy. It looks like a frickin damson now . Doesn't hurt but I can feel it isn't quite right

 

[Jayaly]

Secured the best winter spot in the family home as a teen, on the rug in front of the gas fire. Was happily toasting my toes like marshmallows, celebrating my mother not being there to tell me to back up a bit, when I got a bit too close. Ten little toe shaped circles of skin on the glass and one pitiful hobble to the cold tap.