The 'OOOH I bet that stings a bit' thread

[slowmotion]

As a mere boy, it was time to shave the bum fluff whiskers, cue the inevitable numerous cuts. My Dad, who I love and respect, but talks a lot of crap, had run out of steptic pencil ( there's one for the youngsters ) He pronounced, with great authority, that bleach would do the same job.
I found a half full bottle of Domestos and applied if liberally to my chopped up face and neck.
If Jeremy Kyle had been on telly back in the day I would have been straight on for a paternity test...

A roll-on antiperspirant is a passable substitute for a styptic thingy. I discovered this when Googling with blood pouring down my jaw, before leaving for an "important meeting" . Fortunately, my daughter had the needful on the bathroom shelf.

 

[raleighnut]

When I broke my femur at work I was picked up on a 2 piece stretcher to be placed on the trolley by the ambulancemen, that hurt.
At the hospital I was transferred from that to another wheeled trolley so that the ambulance could go back into service, that hurt more.
They weren't exactly sure what I'd done to my leg so a burly porter wheeled me down to X-ray by crashing through various swinging doors using the trolley to open them. each door hurt more than the previous one.
The Radiologist took a couple of piccies of my leg and had to roll me onto my side to take another one, that didn't half hurt.
Then having looked at the images for quality (Hi-tech X-ray machine at the LRI none of this messing about waiting for the plate to be processed) she informed me that I had indeed broken my leg and proceeded to move me and the several hundredweight of medical trolley I was laying on towards the door of the X-ray suite by Pushing on the knee of my broken leg , now that really hurt.

P.S. I may have said some bad words at this point.

 

[nickyboy]

Prickly Pears are called that for a reason

I thought it was because of the bit spikey things that stick out of them. So when I was in Italy on a bike hol a few weeks ago I pulled one off a roadside plant to take a look, being carful to avoid the spikey things

Only it's not called a Prickly Pear because of the spikey things. It's because of the almost invisible hair-like things it has on it. That come off. Onto your hands. Then onto whatever your hands touch. The itch and sting like crazy. So after riding along happily for 5 minutes after messing about with the Prickly Pear my hands started to kinda explode with all the little hairs stuck in them. Then I found I had wiped my hands on my backside and the hairs had transferred there and were working their way through my shorts. I also found I had touched my face. Thank christ I hadn't taken a pee

It wasn't until the next day before the stinging and itching susided

 

[winjim]

I'm told that this smarts a bit.

Not really. Transition's a bit uncomfortable but the rest of it's not too bad.

 

[Jayaly]

Mistaking contact lens cleaner(in the days before we had the all in one cleaner and soak solution)for comfort drops certainly brought a tear to my eye.

Ow, I remember doing that one. A mistake you only make once. The scream brought my mother racing down the stairs at high speed.

 

[jonny jeez]

Not really. Transition's a bit uncomfortable but the rest of it's not too bad.

and gets better after about 15 years, when you start to get some of your old life back.

 

[winjim]

and gets better after about 15 years, when you start to get some of your old life back.

That soon? I've cleared my diary for at least the next two decades.

 

[hopless500]

Prickly Pears are called that for a reason

I thought it was because of the bit spikey things that stick out of them. So when I was in Italy on a bike hol a few weeks ago I pulled one off a roadside plant to take a look, being carful to avoid the spikey things

Only it's not called a Prickly Pear because of the spikey things. It's because of the almost invisible hair-like things it has on it. That come off. Onto your hands. Then onto whatever your hands touch. The itch and sting like crazy. So after riding along happily for 5 minutes after messing about with the Prickly Pear my hands started to kinda explode with all the little hairs stuck in them. Then I found I had wiped my hands on my backside and the hairs had transferred there and were working their way through my shorts. I also found I had touched my face. Thank christ I hadn't taken a pee

It wasn't until the next day before the stinging and itching susided

 

[Electric_Andy]

A year or two ago I was slicing a carrot with a Mandolin (no, not the musical instrument). I planned on using the hand guard when the carrot got short enough to warrant protective action. But I hadn't gauged how close my finger was from the blade, and one slice later I saw the end of my finger fly off into the saucepan. That's probably the most painful thing I've done.

With regards to bollock kickings, I don't believe I've been kicked there in anger. My son blasted a football at them a while back, and I did get the breathless wheezing and the dull (but quite funny) pain, but for me it doesn't compare with slicing large amounts of flesh off.

 

[Dayvo]

Years ago, when I was in Israel, a mate of mine farted in the Dead Sea. It was hilarious watching him, running out of the water screaming in agony, then lie on his back and try to pour drinking water from a bottle into his arse.

 

[speccy1]

Haven`t got any photo`s, but have had a few eye watering moments over the years. The most embarrasing being a "zip injury" when I was about 18, that landed me in A&E because I couldn`t undo it - never been so humiliated........

I`ve also caught my fingers in a rivet gun, and while working under the dash of a car I picked my gas soldering iron up by the wrong end

I`m sure there are plenty of others but these are the most memorable

 

[GrumpyGregry]

That soon? I've cleared my diary for at least the next two decades.

26&27 and both back at home....

 

[jefmcg]

Yeah right. I think it was Nancy Mitford who described childbirth as like trying to sh1t a watermelon.

Are you sure? I feel "sh1t a watermelon" (along with "serviette") is decidedly non-u.

 

[marknotgeorge]

Remember back in the 80's, when can openers that slice the top of the can first came out? And Whiskas came in big tins? I do, because I still have the scar on my right index finger...

 

[winjim]

26&27 and both back at home....

I might need to rearrange some of my appointments for 2042.