the recovery

[byegad]

Ous SBGG and his minions are on the move! Beware allyou towns, villages and cities of the UK who have neglected to appoint an official village/town/city idiot. (London you are OK as you have Boris!)

Where will the SBGG lay down his bleary head?

When will he communicate with us again?

Who killed JR?

 

[byegad]

Finally Who cares???????????

 

[Scoosh]

Finally Who cares???????????

We ALL do - he might be coming to a place near to where we live ... and the defences have not been fully assembled ...


Anyway, I hope the move goes well, SBGG and you find the arranged comfortable abode within the walls of Byegad Towers !

 

[byegad]

Where I come from that's almost fighting talk Scoosh! Let people inhabit the Towers????????
At my expense you mean??

Now you may well hail from Scotland, that land well known for its open-handed generosity and spendthrift habits, but in Yorkshire a Farthing is a Farthing and shouldn't be spent! And freeloading is something we do to others, not have it done to us.

Meanwhile the Embassy move progresses apace and sometime in the early New Year we expect to vacate the old embassy, clear the minefields in the grounds and have a large crane move the office safe to the new Embassy, where the security will be much better and the fields of fire for the Yorkshire Marine Corps First Armoured Squadron* tanks.

* This unit is usually based in Grimsby, Lincolnshire where it is left to live off the land, so costing us nothing in upkeep and rations. County Durham is in for a shock when their Tank Landing Cobles turn up off Seaton Carew sometime in the New Year. They plan to redevelop** British West Hartlepool then progress to the new Embassy.

**This redevelopment is a continuation of the scheme started in December 1914 by the Imperial German Navy. In that action many buildings were damaged and some 86 people were killed with several hundred injured. Damage to the tune of £3 17s 9d was incurred. We aim to avoid civilian injuries by forcing an evacuation of all denizens of the town then completely leveling the entire built up area. Accounting for inflation we estimate total cost of damage may well reach over £150. No monkeys will be hurt in this action, which makes a change!

 

[Scoosh]

Calm down, young Sir and get one of your staff to untwist your undergarment ...

Whoever said that you would be bearing any of the expense ? Wherever did that idea come from ? Too much ruby/ amber coloured liquid for a young chap over the 'Festive Season', I suspect.

I had been led to believe that, as the SBGG is often in a state of 'discomfort' from his back/ neck/head/anything connected to his thoughts, he would be very grateful to rest in the special chair you keep for 'therapeutic massage' purposes - you know, the one connected to the wind turbine and solar panels ... which can provide a suitable level of currants [sic] to keep the SBGG warm and comfortable and thus suitably restrained to enjoy the relaxing buzz of the electrical thingies doing what they do best - slow cooking or frying. He might even think it is his very own electric-assist mobile chair ... were it not for the BIG screws holding said chair firmly in place.

As this 'relaxator' chair is within the grounds of Byegad Towers and because the Government is so generous, they will even be paying you money [though not sure if it is 'good' money, as it is based in that there 'Sarf of Engerland' but, if they are offering, 'twould be churlish not to be accepting their largesse, now wouldn't it ?

Thus, you gain financially from the Government , gain from the philanthropic gesture and gain from being able to assist the SBGG - a Win-Win-Win situation, with the added bonus of your impending re-location, which might not include all the solar panels, windy turbines etc, and, as the SBGG will be connected to them, 'twould indeed be even more churlish to require him to move yet again. Short term gain -> Long term gain.

"What is not to Like ?" I believe is the current expression.

 

[byegad]

We banned the electric chair as being far too humane, the press, rack and iron maiden were good enough in Great Grandfather's day and and as we already have them, they don't use electrickery and are powered by free human* muscle power.

*Well looking again at the Igor, nearly human, or possibly 'at one time' human.

 

[Scoosh]

Unusual for you to have almost missed out on a Government 'nearly-freebie' - though I guess you don't really need it ...

There is always the option of using the lightning conductor or even the driver ...

 

[Speicher]

In a bid to rescue the SBBG, a Chinook helichopter has been scrambled. It is currently flying low in this vicinity awaiting my furtive instructifications.

 

[Scoosh]

Has it got BIG BAGS slung underneath it, ready for dropping ??

To build sandbag 'protection' for the SBGG, naturally ...

 

[byegad]

Unusual for you to have almost missed out on a Government 'nearly-freebie' - though I guess you don't really need it ...

There is always the option of using the lightning conductor or even the driver ...

1. The Gibberment and I don't communicate. I don't pay taxes to them, they only make half hearted attempts to get us to pay, so we usually send back half of the heart of each Inspector of Taxes that gets by the Yorkshire border.

2. Lightning tends to conduct itself badly in this area so maybe the fact that we don't seem to have a driver since Uncle Bob went out to play a set of golf with his sticks in a thunder storm and got fried when he tried to bully off the first base and his stick got welded to his hands.* We ended up burying him and the stick.

*Some of the terms may be incorrect as I'm not a golfist myself.

 

[Scoosh]

We ended up burying him and the stick.

Clearly amateur Yorkshirepeoples !

 

[byegad]

Meanwhile the minefields around the Embassy have finally been accurately mapped* and the new team to do the lifting is being assembled from local orphanages. The minefield on the new Embassy will be laid next week, traps and pitfalls installed the next week and we hope to be in, and fully protected, by the end of February.

Byegad Towers is still on full alert and will give the SBGG a traditional Yorkshire** welcome should he turn up.

* With the loss of several local urchins. Thankfully nobody important, myself and Lady Byegad, were even slightly discommoded by the bangs.

** Rob him blind, and throw him out into the cold with only the rags on his back. Unless we can sell the rags! Not a pretty thought !

 

[Scoosh]

Unless we can sell the rags! Not a pretty thought

Interested that you are near completion of your embassy move/renovation and were there to be any left-over stuff that needs to be incinerated, that you would have all the starter fuel needed ... so you could always sell them/it as 'hazardous bads*' with a suitable** health warning.


* clearly they could not be considered 'goods'
** 'suitable' being none

 

[byegad]

Well I could have it transported back to Yorkshire and use it to set a few hovels aflame. It must be days since we've done that. The serfs will think I don't care.

 

[classic33]

http://beforeitsnews.com/self-suffi...-traps-to-protect-your-homestead-2492538.html