The Retirement Thread

Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.

classic33

Leg End Member
Home made ??
How does she get home made lamb?
 
D

Deleted member 1258

Guest
Lol!

I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO'S
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco's
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
 

postman

Squire
Lol!

I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO'S
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco's
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
I know what that guy is going through,I can't see for laughing really that's brilliant.
 
D

Deleted member 1258

Guest
View attachment 620901

Saw this in Wimborne on Saturday.


I like this one thats near Gilmorton.

620923
 
D

Deleted member 1258

Guest
We had a profitable night down the club, playing the last house of the session and I was sat there waiting for one number to win the house and a joyous shout went up next to me, my Good lady had beaten me to it and won the house, being the last house it was a bigger prize than the previous houses and means we had a free night, so well done to my Good lady.
 

12boy

Guru
ColinJ l would imagine 69 means the same here as there. It refers to having either a great golf game or lousy bowling, right?
I thought the cow vending should actually have a stool, a bucket and Bossy but then I realized a cow couldn't make change since they have no thumbs.
 

classic33

Leg End Member
We had a profitable night down the club, playing the last house of the session and I was sat there waiting for one number to win the house and a joyous shout went up next to me, my Good lady had beaten me to it and won the house, being the last house it was a bigger prize than the previous houses and means we had a free night, so well done to my Good lady.
Your brother the bingo caller again!
 
Top Bottom