Mo1959
Legendary Member
- Location
- Perthshire,Scotland
If you say so.
The Retirement Thread
- Thread starter Dirk
- Start date
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classic33
Leg End Member
How does she get home made lamb?
classic33
Leg End Member
Three at least.Two Lance O'Classics?
No the second one is called classic 66, there is a third one who is called classic 99, I am informed there was a fourth one but he changed his name to ice cream 69,as he did not want to be known as a classic 69.
D
Deleted member 1258
Guest
Lol!
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO'S
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco's
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO'S
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco's
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
classic33
Leg End Member
Might save her from being robbed!Who would ever put a dog poo bag in their pocket in the first place!!!!
(Apart from Mrs F's crazy friend...)
I know what that guy is going through,I can't see for laughing really that's brilliant.
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
I hear that in Scotland they're piloting the new deep anal covid swap test. Mandatory in Mo's street, apparently.
D
Deleted member 1258
Guest
D
Deleted member 1258
Guest
We had a profitable night down the club, playing the last house of the session and I was sat there waiting for one number to win the house and a joyous shout went up next to me, my Good lady had beaten me to it and won the house, being the last house it was a bigger prize than the previous houses and means we had a free night, so well done to my Good lady.
12boy
Guru
- Location
- Casper WY USA
ColinJ l would imagine 69 means the same here as there. It refers to having either a great golf game or lousy bowling, right?
I thought the cow vending should actually have a stool, a bucket and Bossy but then I realized a cow couldn't make change since they have no thumbs.
I thought the cow vending should actually have a stool, a bucket and Bossy but then I realized a cow couldn't make change since they have no thumbs.
classic33
Leg End Member
Your brother the bingo caller again!
ColinJ
Puzzle game procrastinator!
- Location
- Todmorden - Yorks/Lancs border
classic33
Leg End Member
How many folk would warm their hands first though.
classic33
Leg End Member
Who knows, one of the other two may do the lottery, and I get the call.I hope you don't do the lottery then.
