Risex4
Dropped by the autobus
- Location
- The Green/Gray Hills Of Debunshire
***Now updated after 24 hours of debate***
So, many will be familiar with The Rules.
Whilst they are a fully worthy body of principles which should be revered, studied and abided by, dare I say that they are a bit fundamentalist and leave a fair bit of scope for wiggle? As such, I suggest that we take it upon ourselves to fill in these gaps in the creed by drawing upon the wealth of knowledge and experience in this very forum. My suggestions for a start (now with input added);
00. The rules concede that rules are for nobbers.
0. Be excellent to each other / Party on dudes
1. The rules dictate that every man shall be free to enjoy cycling in what ever way he sees fit.
2. The rules determine that be it his choice of bike, clothing, location, bling or other, every other man shall find at least one fundamental fault in the way which he does so.
3. The rules demand that a cyclist should always acknowledge a fellow cyclist on the road.
4. The rules decree that a blank, unrecognizing look is a perfectly valid form of acknowledgement.
5. The rules establish that the answer is always cake. Or beer. More probably beer. Or Man the Foo Up.
6. The rules suggest that the only acceptable exception to rule 5 is found in "Commuting" and is defined as "the lunatic road driver was in the wrong".
7. The rules concede that the rule n+1 is voided by the conflict of SNCo-1 (Significant Non Cycling Other)
8. The rules say that your experience and skill as regards pro-cycling are inversely proportional to the relevancy of your opinion.
9. The rules pronounce that RLJing is abhorrent.
10. The rules decide that Strava segments of less than 1 mile are pointless and wimpy.
11. The rules declare that Strava KOMs are valid no matter how short or downhill. In fact, the rules suggest that descending is the new climbing.
12. The rules rule that there is no rule 12.
13. The rules deem that Cameras are magnets for trouble and bad driving.
14. The rules allow that the proper analysis of a poor ride is always "strong headwind".
15. The rules reserve the right to contradict themselves as the situation deems necessary.
16. The rules deem that the rules are not always PC.
17. The rules allow that alternatively tandems are a valid form of cycling.
The rules believe that the rule numbers are the work of the devil.
19. The rules dictate, determine, demand, decree, establish, suggest, concede, say, pronounce, decide, declare, rule, deem, allow and reserve that you don't need a different verb for every rule.
20. If a member has had an accident where they are clearly well enough to post, it is perfectly acceptable to completely ignore their woes and simply ask the question everyone is really wanting to know the answer too anyway. The question is 'Yes, but how's the bike?'
21. The rules define that this is Sparta.
22. The rules say "two wheels good, three wheels better".
23. Thou shalt not pass judgement on someone else's silly fashion statement or over-expensive bicycle.
24. Thou shalt not scalp another cyclist on the way to work unless he is really slow.
25. Thou shalt not jump a red light if a friend is following.
26. Thou shalt not jump onto a kerb at a skewed angle if a friend is following.
26. When reviewing a bike, it is perfectly acceptable to simply give 'Chain's slack'.
27. Thou shalt not lead an unprepared friend up a massive hill that you know he cannot climb.
28. No member should buy a Kitchen advertised on the forum. Ever.
29. Hot beverages are not permitted to be carried; hot beverages may only be purchased with adequate cake from recognised roadside establishments.
30. Followers of the rules are to be aware that like the velominati, the rules are genuinely satire but may appear serious at a glance.
33. As a cyclist you are superior in every way to non cyclists. Accept it.
34. It matters not whether someone rides a road bike, a MTB, a recumbent, nor a hybrid. They may be a POB riding a BSO, a hipster fakenger, a slob on an e-bike. Someone may ride a BMX, or a unicycle, trike or quadricycle. They are still cyclists, and therefore our brothers and sisters.
35. F*** the rules.
36. Sandals are only allowed if they are clip-less, the wearer has a beard and is on a recumbent.
36b. Sandals are only allowed if they are clip-less, the wearer has a beard and is on a recumbent. And are wearing socks.
498 c para. E. Any individual who starts, or even thinks about starting a Helmet Debate will be shot through the head while wearing said helmet (if in favour of them) or not wearing one (if against them). Posting the aforementioned thread will only be allowed, by the individual concerned, in person, after the punishment has taken place.
10005. B.1.4 A. Any individual who starts, or even thinks about starting a Helmet Debate will be publically flogged by the nearest group of CC members.
x. Be excellent to each other / Party on dudes
So, many will be familiar with The Rules.
Whilst they are a fully worthy body of principles which should be revered, studied and abided by, dare I say that they are a bit fundamentalist and leave a fair bit of scope for wiggle? As such, I suggest that we take it upon ourselves to fill in these gaps in the creed by drawing upon the wealth of knowledge and experience in this very forum. My suggestions for a start (now with input added);
00. The rules concede that rules are for nobbers.
0. Be excellent to each other / Party on dudes
1. The rules dictate that every man shall be free to enjoy cycling in what ever way he sees fit.
2. The rules determine that be it his choice of bike, clothing, location, bling or other, every other man shall find at least one fundamental fault in the way which he does so.
3. The rules demand that a cyclist should always acknowledge a fellow cyclist on the road.
4. The rules decree that a blank, unrecognizing look is a perfectly valid form of acknowledgement.
5. The rules establish that the answer is always cake. Or beer. More probably beer. Or Man the Foo Up.
6. The rules suggest that the only acceptable exception to rule 5 is found in "Commuting" and is defined as "the lunatic road driver was in the wrong".
7. The rules concede that the rule n+1 is voided by the conflict of SNCo-1 (Significant Non Cycling Other)
8. The rules say that your experience and skill as regards pro-cycling are inversely proportional to the relevancy of your opinion.
9. The rules pronounce that RLJing is abhorrent.
10. The rules decide that Strava segments of less than 1 mile are pointless and wimpy.
11. The rules declare that Strava KOMs are valid no matter how short or downhill. In fact, the rules suggest that descending is the new climbing.
12. The rules rule that there is no rule 12.
13. The rules deem that Cameras are magnets for trouble and bad driving.
14. The rules allow that the proper analysis of a poor ride is always "strong headwind".
15. The rules reserve the right to contradict themselves as the situation deems necessary.
16. The rules deem that the rules are not always PC.
17. The rules allow that alternatively tandems are a valid form of cycling.
The rules believe that the rule numbers are the work of the devil.
19. The rules dictate, determine, demand, decree, establish, suggest, concede, say, pronounce, decide, declare, rule, deem, allow and reserve that you don't need a different verb for every rule.
20. If a member has had an accident where they are clearly well enough to post, it is perfectly acceptable to completely ignore their woes and simply ask the question everyone is really wanting to know the answer too anyway. The question is 'Yes, but how's the bike?'
21. The rules define that this is Sparta.
22. The rules say "two wheels good, three wheels better".
23. Thou shalt not pass judgement on someone else's silly fashion statement or over-expensive bicycle.
24. Thou shalt not scalp another cyclist on the way to work unless he is really slow.
25. Thou shalt not jump a red light if a friend is following.
26. Thou shalt not jump onto a kerb at a skewed angle if a friend is following.
26. When reviewing a bike, it is perfectly acceptable to simply give 'Chain's slack'.
27. Thou shalt not lead an unprepared friend up a massive hill that you know he cannot climb.
28. No member should buy a Kitchen advertised on the forum. Ever.
29. Hot beverages are not permitted to be carried; hot beverages may only be purchased with adequate cake from recognised roadside establishments.
30. Followers of the rules are to be aware that like the velominati, the rules are genuinely satire but may appear serious at a glance.
33. As a cyclist you are superior in every way to non cyclists. Accept it.
34. It matters not whether someone rides a road bike, a MTB, a recumbent, nor a hybrid. They may be a POB riding a BSO, a hipster fakenger, a slob on an e-bike. Someone may ride a BMX, or a unicycle, trike or quadricycle. They are still cyclists, and therefore our brothers and sisters.
35. F*** the rules.
36. Sandals are only allowed if they are clip-less, the wearer has a beard and is on a recumbent.
36b. Sandals are only allowed if they are clip-less, the wearer has a beard and is on a recumbent. And are wearing socks.
498 c para. E. Any individual who starts, or even thinks about starting a Helmet Debate will be shot through the head while wearing said helmet (if in favour of them) or not wearing one (if against them). Posting the aforementioned thread will only be allowed, by the individual concerned, in person, after the punishment has taken place.
10005. B.1.4 A. Any individual who starts, or even thinks about starting a Helmet Debate will be publically flogged by the nearest group of CC members.
x. Be excellent to each other / Party on dudes
