Things you should never say to a cyclist.

[sheddy]

Small dogs go on the owners bike in the wicker basket.

 

[Lozz360]

From a colleague, “Tell me, you don’t really cycle all the way from (my home town)?” It’s 22 miles each way.

 

[Garry A]

"Nice arse!"

I have had this shouted at me by a MILF in a BMW convertible, and while I'm sure she was being complimentary I actually found it a little disturbing.

Turn round, wink at her and smile making sure the sun glints of your gold filling before doing an out the saddle effort till she passes

 

[Wobbling]

All this cycling is just another fad
Just after channel four started covering the tour highlights concentrating on miller going for king of the mountains
Wonder when the bubble is going to burst

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Do a wheelie mister

 

[Oldhippy]

Really! That's your everyday transport!

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

"Oi, Mister, Your Back Wheel's ....etc...."

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

Do a wheelie mister

I used to decline, suggesting they looked at the state of the rear-mudguard (this was the CGR), as it had split a couple of times & was held together with tie-wraps

"I don't anymore, look what happens if I do, the mudguard gets damaged!"

 

[Profpointy]

"Oi, Mister, Your Back Wheel's ....etc...."

To which the witty reply is "so's your Mum" - substituting wife or girlfriend according to age of culprit

 

[Gwylan]

Do a wheelie mister

Popular with Youff around here. The apogee of their wit.

 

[Gwylan]

I used to decline, suggesting they looked at the state of the rear-mudguard (this was the CGR), as it had split a couple of times & was held together with tie-wraps

"I don't anymore, look what happens if I do, the mudguard gets damaged!"

"Mudguards?" What are they mate?

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Tell me about your bikes…

 

[Gwylan]

Sorry mate, I didn't see you.

 

[colly]

GET ORFF MY BONNET !

 

[Gwylan]

To which the witty reply is "so's your Mum" - substituting wife or girlfriend according to age of culprit

Sadly you werseveral levels above your audience