Thursday Joke

abchandler

Senior Member
Location
Worcs, UK
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.

"Willing to try almost anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand
in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies. I stopped.

"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
 

Tetedelacourse

New Member
Location
Rosyth
Since I fitted a rearview mirror to my bike, I haven't looked back.
 
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'magic`.

Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!! “Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute!

"Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she giggled...................

So I told her to f*ck off.
 

alecstilleyedye

nothing in moderation
Moderator
trustysteed said:
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'magic`.

Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!! “Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute!

"Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she giggled...................

So I told her to f*ck off.
:evil::biggrin:
 

Maz

Legendary Member
I bought my son a 150W light bulb for his birthday...you should've seen his little face light up when he unwrapped it.
 
The 7 dwarfs went to the Vatican, and because they are 'THE DWARFS', they are ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack. "Son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?"

Dopey replies, "Excuse me, your Holiness, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting...

"Dopey sha***d a penguin!.. Dopey sha***d a penguin!
 

Fnaar

Smutmaster General
Location
Thumberland
What's purple and fluffy....?














Purple fluff. :evil:
 

Fnaar

Smutmaster General
Location
Thumberland
Tetedelacourse said:
If Julia Sawalha and Rik Waller joined in you'd have a

Sawalha Waller Obama Lama Ding-Dong
And if Paul Weller got in on the act, you could start doing songs from Grease.."Sawalha Weller Waller huh!..tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far...etc"
 

4F

Active member of Helmets Are Sh*t Lobby
Location
Suffolk.
I went into my butchers and enquired about the price for 8 venison legs, when they told me that it would cost £ 100 I decided that it was two dear.
 
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