mr_hippo
Living Legend & Old Fart
If Isla St Clair (ex Generation Game) married singer Barry White then divorced him and married Bryan Ferry, would she be the Isla White Ferry?
Thursday Joke
- Thread starter abchandler
- Start date
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Mr Celine
Discordian
- Location
- Waxing my moustache
And if Madonna had adopted an African boy by the name of M'bosa, he would have an excuse for scratching.
(Works best in a Weegie accent)
(Works best in a Weegie accent)
killiekosmos
Veteran
Two Irish lumberjacks went looking for work with the Forestry Commission. They went to the foreman's hut and said "Excuse me sir, are you hiring?". "Yes", he said" I'm looking for tree-fellers".
"That's a pity", said Pat,"there are only two of us"
"That's a pity", said Pat,"there are only two of us"
Noodley
Guest
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the
Wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the
Wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
The Young Soul Rebel
New Member
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's
house.
She knocked on the door then immediately
walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally
naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from
work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law
explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she
explained.
'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in
and saw her lying there so provocatively.
' What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered,
sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
house.
She knocked on the door then immediately
walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally
naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from
work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law
explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she
explained.
'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in
and saw her lying there so provocatively.
' What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered,
sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
- Location
- the post-brexit wasteland
class 
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little ****er on your knee!"
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little ****er on your knee!"
